The cafeteria was noisy as always. I could still remember at how loud it used to be, even louder before summer break.
I sat at my table, alone, watching group of friends chatting.
"Maybe I should join?" I asked myself.
Well, I've been lonely, too lonely. The only person who talk to me, or at least bare with me was my parents, my little sister, and my best friend. They were the ones who had me out of the dark. If they weren't there for me, I don't even know what to do, or what to start anymore.
I sigh, looking at the group. "Maybe next time." I said.
I glanced over at a empty seat across from me, remembering the times where we used to sit. Just like that. A empty seat that nobody wants to seat at, and somehow, the noise didn't even bothered me back then. But now, it's like hearing at a market with a lot of people that yap all day for bargaining. It's just... annoying.
I shook my head, clearing my thoughts. She's back now. Never again, am I going to think back with such regret that I don't want to face what's in front of me. But it didn't change the fact that everything had moved on.
I looked down my tray, half-eaten and cold food. Maybe I should just leave. There was no point in sitting here, remembering the past again and again. But still, staying here makes me want to remember the old days more.
I pushed the tray aside, not wanting to eat anymore. I had lost my appetite because of her. The memory of her had me wished to start over again.
Just then, Hikaru walked towards me. "There you are. I've been looking for you. You just walked out without saying a word.
"Ahh, sorry, I forgot to bring my lunchbox."
You see, that's the kind of friend Hikaru is- always looking out for me. Even though he is popular, he still have my back whenever I need it.
Hikaru then sat down opposite of me. "So, what's up? You don't look like your usual self, ya know?"
"Nah, I'm just hungry."
I didn't want to say it, or rather, I'm afraid. What if he tell everybody about? I know that he isn't that kind of person that would stab anyone in the back. But, still, I'm afraid, too afraid to tell him about the past.
"Hey, you don't have to tell me about it if you're not ready" Hikaru said.
I looked at him, seeing the sincerity in his eyes. His words were comforting, but I don't think I could. It's just, not the right time yet.
"Thanks" I said.
He nodded, a reassuring smile on his face. "Whenever you're ready then, I'll be sure to help.
"I'll appreciate it." I said.
Then, the bell rang, signaling the end of breakfast.
"Damn, it felt like dinner time" I said.
The long moments I spend lost in thought about her felt like hours. But now, it's only the end of breakfast...
I stood up, picking my tray. The cafeteria was starting to get empty. "Finally, the noise is gone". Hikaru was already waiting for me at the exit.
"You survived breakfast. Not bad" he said.
I was a little impressed with myself too. All the trauma in this cafeteria that I once had was finally gone. Now, I'm someone who is not going to be afraid of this cafeteria anymore. That was one of my wish that I'm glad it happened.
We walked together to class. The hallway was filled with noise, students rushing to their next subject. Luckily for me, my next class was in the same room where I had homeroom.
As we entered the classroom, I noticed a few student taking their notebooks and chatting with their friends. I made my way to my seat behind Hikaru.
And then I saw her.
Ayumi was sitting by the window, staring outside. Our brief exchange—barely four words—had my heart skip a beat. It was hard to believe that something so small could stir me up this much. No wonder I still have a crush on her.
I wanted to talk to her again. No-needed to. But what could I say? Even a simple conversation couldn't make me act like nothing had changed.
Then, the teacher walked in. It's Mr. Nakamura, our history teacher. He settled his things before starting the lesson on the Meji Restoration. His lectures were boring and engaging at the same time, but today, all I was thinking about was Ayumi.
The other lessons were the same. I wasn't really paying attention to all their lectures. The only thing that I was focusing was the memories with Ayumi.
Finally, the bell rang, signaling the end of the day. Hiroshi, who was sitting in front of me, nudged me awake. I had been so lost in my memories of Ayumi that I'd dozed off, trying to escape into those thoughts for a while.
I gathered my things and I walked out of the classroom with Hiroshi. The hallway was empty, but in the classroom there were some students chatting their friends.
"Wanna drink some coffee?" I asked.
"Ya sure" he replied.
I was craving for coffee. Not sure why, it's probably because I've developed a habit over summer break, and now I was practically a addict.
We made our way to nearby café, the ones that I frequently go. The coffee here was better than the other café shops I tried. We settled in and order our drinks- I went for an iced espresso, while Hikaru ordered for a latte.
"So, What's bothering you today? I noticed you were pretty distracted."
I wasn't sure what to reply. The question had caught me off guard. I just wanted a moment to cooldown after she came.
I took a long sip of my iced expresso trying to stall time, and it work.
"Hey, it's fine if you're not ready to talk. Sometimes just having a friend could help."
I appreciate his understanding. Hikaru wasn't the kind of friend who would push you off the edge if you didn't share your secrets.
"I'm really grateful for that. Maybe next time I'll tell you, when the time is right."
"No problem. Take all the time you need. And if you ever need a distraction, I can find us something fun to do on the weekends."
"Alright, I'll keep that mind" I said,
With that, we finished our coffee. The skies is turning dark.
"We better get going." I said.
"Ok" he replied.
We walked down the streets, going towards my house. His was was just one block away from mine so it's more convenient for him to stop by my house first.
"So, what's your plan for weekend? Hikaru asked.
"Nothing much. Just staying at home reading mangas or something."
"Oh, well, if you're that free, let's go somewhere this weekend."
"Ya sure, but you're the one who is going to plan."
"Alright."
As we reached my house, I turned to Hikaru. "Well, this is it. Bye." I said.
"See you tomorrow at school." he replied.
He heads off toward his own house, disappearing around the corners.
"Ahh finally. I'm home." I said.
I was finally at my house. The comfort zone that had me lazed around in the summer break. As usual, my little sister was curled up on the crouch, watching her favorite show. I don't talk to her during school days because I have no energy to do so. So our interactions with each other was kind of like a friend relationship.
Then, I walked into the kitchen. My mom was preparing food for dinner.
"Hey mom." I said.
"Oh, you're back, Haru. How was your day?" she asked.
"It was alright, just the usuals."
She nodded and continue stirring the pot. I took a seat, watching her cook. Finally I could enjoy the quiet moments before dinner.