"It's crazy you expect me to spit it out? No you spit it out first" "Things really happen so fast, such a shame how I think about them so slow."
But wait...Who am I really?
I'm a guy who seems to be trapped within bounds,like a wall. They say the toughest battle a person can ever fight is against themselves. I've been fighting, or at least not anymore. I found my form, what makes me smile,giggle ,laugh.
Many things make me happy, that's not really the problem here, but one of the "things" that make me happy is actually not a thing. She is a person, a person I enjoy spending my time with., not because I have something to say with this person, but because stupid stuff I say make sense to this person. Now that's a weird thing to say, I'm an author, I don't have to tell you about it, unless I'm not actually writing this for you, which turns out to be the case. My brain unlocks every once in a while and I have to look inside it and talk to the holograms of my favourite people that I preserve inside it. And today I'm talking to you.
"How have you been doing, friend?
It's been a whole month, you haven't been around. I've missed you. "
I constantly checked on you in my dreams, one time I came home and failed to find you , I had to make another version of you. Another time you changed a lot on me, I had to update the version of you that I had.
It felt depressing to pull out the memory chords I had put in place for you, but that painful process gave you this beautiful look. If you were a song, I'd turn you on
You aren't a song, but I still turn you on.
If I gave you reasons why I like you, I bet you wouldn't believe me. Its not the smile, it's not the words ,not even your body, you're not funny, you're not crazy, you don't look short or tall to me, but honestly when I'm next to you I still see only positive stuff about you. (Which is crazy.) I just find myself liking you without a reason.
"Nah, boy you're pouring out your feelings"
"I don't think I am, honestly I just have a limited selection of words to say with you ,I struggle to see the sense it would make if I treated you like everybody else."....See the other holograms, you're not them : but today my last braincell is focusing on you, I wanna go skin to skin, f*ck the condoms, I wanna steal the air you breath, I wanna build your steeze, I want to do it your way, I want to make your day, I want to , to, take your breath away!
"When u get wet like this I feel tempted, no, turned on rather. My blood starts rushing n my heart beats faster. My mouth is burning and I wanna kiss sooner. Your saliva feels warm but your breath is warmer. I want to stroke my tongue and lick your thick thighs, I want to get sandwiched like clouds between the sky. I want to satisfy you, soft then hard, then hard again , till your last moan comes out. Till your grip tightens, then loosens slowly, then I know you're done. Now you're lying on my chest, playing with my hair, you're probably sore and won't walk well tomorrow. I bet you also feel guilty and afraid of me, it makes you hate and love me at the same time. Don't be scared, my Lily, I'll come again tonight to do it again, and again, till I become part of you.
I'm talking to myself again for the third time today, every single time it's always about my crush, Lily. We live in the same hostel, she's just next door. I've dreamt about her many times and all of them ended with me ejaculating in my pants. She's the girl of my dreams, she's the definition of picture perfect, I'm lusty for her. She's thick and busty, but probably not for me. Now I'm talking like I've approached her. I've tried so many times, but she just gives me goosebumps and I can't do it. One time I walked to her door and peeped through the keyhole, I saw her sitting on her brown couch. I wouldn't dare to knock because I knew if I did she'd go hard on me. It's quite true that I fear approaching her, but it's just because she's too hot to handle, she probably sees me as an average boy like every other one. I aborted my mission that day and had to watch a boring animal documentary to stop thinking about her. My name is Jack, I'm just a normal kid who lives in an bedsitter apartment, room 707, there's not much to say about this place. I'd probably have already moved to a new place but I haven't because of my crush in room 708. There's much I can say about her but I don't know where to start. And if I started I wouldn't know where to finish. Back in high school I used to be a loner, nowadays it's even worse, I'm weirder than before. Especially after I started listening to this artist, Nba Youngboy, again, Youngboy, he's just too good for the industry. Think about his hit singles like death enclaimed and self proclaimed. They're dynamite hits, talking dynamite, he's a superstar in the making. Just like Juice Wrld. But Juice isn't really the problem here, after he passed away, sadly, his girlfriend opened an only fans channel on the Web. Although I really dislike her for that, I'm still a big fan of hers. I watch her videos each time I feel horny, I just open the Web and log into her page and there she is, curved like a doll. I spend almost 20 minutes jerking off every day. People say it's bad to masturbate, I really don't know about that. All I know is that it can be relaxing. Unluckily, the Web does not provide enough information about it for curious boys like me, but what they do provide is a stream of websites with plenty pornographic content in them. This only confuses more boys like me who are probably looking to quit. I've thought about quitting, although I'm still working on it. They say no man is an island. Maybe I'll quit one day, but only God knows when?