The holidays are here -if you are here in America- I can't say that I know where all of you folks are lol.
I hope that you are all doing well.
Spiritually.
Emotionally.
Mentally.
All of the above.
I hope that next year is great for all of us, yeah?
2024 was painful...Hard.
Full of weird lessons that none of us asked for.
But here we are, still alive and still on this journey through my old journals together.
I am grateful to have you and your time and energy.
It means the world to me.
My birthday is just around the corner.
December 31st.
It should be interesting I suppose.
I was invited to a GALA event lol
It is going to be so weird walking around among rich folks as a lowly writer.
But alas, we are all only human.
They will be in the same ground as I will be one day, or reduced to the same ashes lol.
Such is life, yeah?
I will go and just have a good time, regardless of who is there.
I will leave you all to what you came for lol.
Wish me luck at that event, I feel like I am a peasant sneaking onto the Titanic lmao.
Adventure Time!
Enjoy.
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December 7th, 2012.
Journal #051.
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I met the most amazing woman today.
Her name is XXXXX.
She is very outgoing, wild, crazy, weird, spiritual, deep, poetic.
I assure you that her boyfriend is a very lucky man.
I don't lust for her.
I like her.
Attraction is perfectly natural between a man and a woman.
But oh what an attraction it is.
I think I seen her in my dream...
But that may be my heart and mind simply playing tricks on me.
She is a very -to good to be true- type of woman.
A Brave Heart if ever I've found one.
She can write beautifully.
I think the fairies dance with her.
I wonder what XXXXX thinks of her.
But alas, as much as a "my kinda girl" as she may be,
I am with XXXXX and she is with me.
That's always how these things tend to play out with me.
But alas.
It is as I've said so many times over and over again in the past.
"Life gives you everything you want, but you only get half of it."
I'm assuming that other half has to be given, found, or earned.
For it cannot be bought.
That quote is literally the story of my life...
Lol.
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I was very much in a relationship, and very much still not happy.
I think that I had been through so much that I had no real idea of what I wanted.
I thought I needed love.
Attention.
Affection.
I did not.
I needed to take time and heal myself.
I was young and eager and bold and energetic and optimistic, and foolish.
I was foolish.
And that's okay.
That is how we learn.
I stayed with the young lady that I was with for a bit if I recall properly.
For as long as it took for SOMEONE to come into my life.
Or back into my life, should I say...
Sometimes we have to repeat things until we either learn the lesson at hand, or we get it right.
I was in for quite the education for the next several years.
But we will get to that -and her-when we do lol.
I used to have the most vivid dreams, you know?
I think that that fact had me a bit captivated by that new girl.
I remember getting such a rush of "I know you..." when I first saw her.
I think that this mental trick had me feeling all quixotic and mushy lbvs.
I was something else back then...as I am sure you all have seen by now.
Especially if you are a survivor or Volume 1 lmao.
I will see you all in the next installment!
Safe travels these holidays folks, and always:
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
-Redd.
Ps:
"Life gives you everything you want, but you only get half of it."
I still feel this...I was engaged for nearly 10 years, with nothing to show for it but a little studio apartment, and a cat...
No kids, no house, no car, shit...no marriage.
I got the woman of my dreams, just that half.
I didn't get anything else that came with it.
Hell, I couldn't even get her to fall in love with me.
Sheesh.
She was more of a roommate/good friend/fuck buddy maybe once a month.
Looking back, I can see how weird and unhealthy that is and was.
Eight years ENGAGED!?
That is wild...
I'll give more examples in another chapter, or maybe even another book lol.
See you soon folks, and happy holidays.