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Chapter 51 - Chapter 49. "Sometimes."

I hope that you are doing well.

It's been quite the start of the month for me, but I do my best not to complain, you know?

I apologize for the time between posts. I have been pouring some of my energy into my other projects as well. 

"One Last Knight. A series of short stories" has been doing very well in particular, so well in fact that I decided to produce a German edition!

Paired with the sudden spike in interest for my poetry series "Shadows Before Dawn." Well? It's been a hell of a year lol. Outside of these, "Old Journals of a Millennial Volume 2." has been seeing a steady stream of views as well!

I am sure that some of you read some of those, and if not? I suggest giving them a go between the drops of these chapters, it'll make the wait a bit more bearable lol.

I have also decided that I could use a bit more emotional damage lol

So "Dear You. Notes to my future child." will be hitting the shelf soon as well!

I hope that these will be enough things for you all to read over this busy holiday season! 

I won't keep you any longer lol, I know what you are here for.

Enjoy!

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September 10th, 2012.

Journal #049.

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I need to write more often...

The world is trying to drive me crazy, but I will not let it.

XXXXX...

Love her, want her.

Don't need to be with her right now.

XXXXX...

Love her, want her...

Will never be with her.

XXXXX.

Like her, would love to be with her.

Now?

No.

Future?

Yes.

Work has started back up.

I think I like the change,

Sometimes.

Sometimes change is good...

I need to shift my perspective.

I need to solidify who I am.

I need to be better for myself.

No one else.

Just me...

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 -I still have the same issues these days when it comes to writing in a journal consistently lol In fact, I haven't touched mine in lort knows how long lbvs...I suppose 12-20 years from now I won't be very happy about that when "Old Journals of a Millennial Volume 5 or 6 is out lol Some things never change.

-The first of those three ladies (XXXXX above) was my first fiance and ex from high school.

The one who went on to marry her mom's ex-husband. Ironically, this was the very point in time when I made the decision to not try again with her. This was the point when she fell away from me and into his arms.

I suppose then that her ultimate outcome was a bit in part due to me not being mature enough or ready for her. 

Maybe I dodged a really weird bullet lol. 

-The second "XXXXX" was the woman who I had recently separated from. I have no idea why I was even bothering to entertain her...but I was, and I didn't have a habit of doing anything without some rhyme or reason. I suppose we will find out, yeah?

-The third of those was a young lady that I had met online in my sudden search for emotional sustenance and the insistent and ever-present need of mine to love and be loved. I wouldn't go so far as to call her a rebound, as I really and truly like her. She had just come into my life at a really...chaotic time.

Well...I had invited her in, in fairness. That one is on me. 

Let's see how this all plays out, shall we?

-As for work? The Boy's & Girl's Club was still my sort of thing, and thus I would stick with it for quite some time.

As I was yet to have a child of my own by that point, I was very happy with that job. 

-As for the ending? I was, have been, and will always be hard on myself, you know?

I...I struggle with things. 

Habits, wants, needs...

I am human.

But I am also very hard on myself mentally. 

Life is too short to live like that though, and I am working on not putting myself down so much.

But enough about me lol.

I really do hope that you all have been well.

The year is almost out, and the holidays are here.

I hope that you and your kin are healthy and safe in these trying times.

As for me?

I'll be okay!

Just me and my cat, and my stories.

And all of you Readers.

Thank you all for your time and energy.

It really does mean the world to me.

I love you all.

With your consent of course! 

I will see you all back here soon enough, yeah?

Safe travels folks.