LUO FAN
"You look restless," Jinjing noticed while we were strolling by the lake.
I had asked her earlier to take me to a place she liked the most, and this was the site she had chosen. I could not see the view very well, but I liked the peace and the sound of chirping birds around. It reminded me of Frost Mountain.
It had taken us an hour just to get there, but we had walked slowly and leisurely so I did not feel tired at all.
I was indeed restless. I had been thinking a lot since last night and this time, I was ready.
"Let's find a place to sit," I said.
"Right over there." She held my hand and pulled me along.
I heard some rustling of leaves from a distance. Since we left the house, I had sensed that someone had been following us. I remembered Ruan Yanjun telling me that he had ordered his disciples to keep an eye on me, but I could not be so sure if that was Eternal Damnation's disciple or someone else.
I decided no to think too much about it. I was probably still traumatized by the assassination attempt I had encountered in the palace before. But that was over already. The crown prince was already dead. Whoever had wanted the crown prince dead had already succeeded. They had no reason to target me anymore.
We sat on the grass with a view of the lake before us. If I could see clearly, this must be a beautiful scene.
"Jinjing, there's something that I must tell you," I started.
"Tell me," she replied casually.
She really had no idea of what I had in mind. I was certain it would shock her.
I drew in a deep breath. "Do you… want to marry me?"
I did not hear anything from her, so I knew she must have been dumbstruck.
Patiently, I waited for her response.
"W-what in the world are you saying?" She laughed a moment later.
I smiled at her. "I'm serious."
She stopped laughing and was once again dead silent.
"I'm really serious," I said again, this time, without a smile.
"Fan, if this is a joke you've learned from your travel, it's not funny."
"It's not a joke. I do want to marry you, that is if you agree."
She swallowed. Finally, she had taken the matter seriously, but it seemed too much for her to bear that she turned away from me.
"Is that a 'no'?" I asked.
"That's not it," she replied. "I just… I did not expect… I mean…" She stopped struggling for words and took a deep breath. "I'm just a whore," she whispered. "I'm not even pretty. People will be laughing at you for marrying a leftover woman with a sordid past, and the worst, I will not be able to deny it. I will only ruin your good reputation."
I moved closer to her and held her hand. "I've long accepted you for what you were in the past. What matters to me is what you are now. What other people say is of little significance to me. They just don't know you like I do."
She sobbed. I did not realize that she was already crying. "Fan, I know you don't love me enough to want to marry me. You're only proposing to me because you feel you owe me something, and you want to save my reputation from those people talking behind my back."
I smiled. "Are you certain? Or is it you who's not sure about your feelings for me?"
She took time to answer. "Ever since, I've treated you no more but a younger brother and I thought that would be all between us. I didn't expect…" She sighed. "Oh, Fan, you suddenly made things complicated. I feel insecure being so much older than you, and you're more beautiful than I am."
"Jinjing… are you rejecting my proposal?"
"No, no!" She placed her other hand on our joined hands. "I'm not rejecting you. I'm… I accept your proposal."
For a moment, I was dumbfounded, and then I smiled. "Seriously?"
She nodded. "I'm serious. Let's get married."
She rested her head on my shoulder and I wrapped my arm around her. For the next few moments, we remained silent while we watched the horizon. I could feel her pulse pounding, just as hard as mine was.
I felt so light inside me. I felt no remorse. Probably, this was my fate.
I had never planned to get married. I thought I'd remain single for the rest of my life, but getting married was not forbidden in the path of righteousness. It would only be a challenge because I'd have a family to take care of and might slow my progress down.
But it did not matter. With my cultivation nullified, progress was not something I should be concerned with anymore. It was enough that I followed the path of righteousness and would continue to cultivate to a lower level so I could protect those who were important to me.
*****