LUO FAN
"What's keeping Master for so long?" Huang Wen asked while we sat side by side inside the carriage.
More than an hour ago, Ruan Yanjun had decided to drop by the imperial palace and told us to wait a moment while he checked on some important matters. Thousands of moments had already passed.
While waiting for Ruan Yanjun to finish his concerns with the emperor, I probably should take this rare opportunity to discuss with Huang Wen some things that had been bothering me for a while already.
"I have a question if you don't mind?" I said.
"Go ahead and ask."
"Is… your master a tender type of person?"
He turned to look at me but did not give me an answer.
"No?"
He sighed. "That depends on his mood."
"If he's in a good mood, then he is?"
"That again depends on the person."
"If the person is good to him, he returns the favor?"
"That again depends on his intention."
I frowned. "Must everything depend on something?"
"That's correct. That's why he's unpredictable."
I sighed. "Ever since I've first heard of his name, nothing good was ever mentioned about him. They said he's evil and we were warned never to interact with him should we encounter him by chance… But so far, he's been treating me well. Now I'm starting to wonder whether those rumors are fabricated or exaggerated."
"I don't want to comment on that. Master is too aware of those rumors being spread about him, but he pays them no mind. Those things never bothered him, so it should not bother me, as well."
I nodded. "I apologize for all the questions. It's just that… he baffles me."
"Priest Fan, I hold you in high regard, and so I give you a piece of advice."
"What is it?"
"When it comes to my master, do not believe what you see."
I frowned. "Can Disciple Huang care to elaborate?"
"You know what I mean. You don't have to ask."
"Are you saying he has not shown his real color yet? That he is just pretending to be someone he is not?"
He chuckled and did not answer.
I took his silence as an affirmation, but that did not surprise me much. I had already heard a lot about Ruan Yanjun, so I had also suspected that he was just feigning kindness, only because he needed something from me.
For whatever purpose he had in mind, he was adamant to find out the complete formula of the drug that had killed Crown Prince Sheng. If not for the fact that it would benefit me somehow, I would not have agreed to continue with this experiment.
"I understand," I said a moment later. "But there's just something about him that confuses me. I'm trying to ignore it and not think about it, but it only baffles me more."
"What is it?"
"Is… Lord Ruan… into men?" Finally, I had dared ask the question that had been bothering me for some time now.
His sudden gasp sounded like a hissing snake. I could almost imagine his face flushed all the way to the back of his ears.
I waited for an answer, but as soon as he recovered from shock, he quickly looked away and cleared his throat.
I leaned towards him to remind him that I was waiting for an answer.
"Don't ask me such a thing," he said, raising a hand in between us as a cue for me not to cross the boundary.
I sighed. "I'm not asking that question out of mere curiosity. I'm asking so I'd know what to do whenever… because he sometimes acts strangely and I'm having a hard time trying to figure out what to do because I know very little about him."
He pushed aside the curtain and peeked outside. When he thought it was safe, he dropped the curtain back in its place. "Priest Luo, I am in no position to speak about my master's sexuality because ever since I became his disciple twelve years ago, he has not once taken in a lover. If he had, he probably had kept it a secret. It's not my place to stick my nose on his personal affairs. Whether he's into men or not, such a thing has never crossed my mind until you came along. So to answer your question, we share the same dilemma. I, too, am confused as to why Master treats you so tenderly that his eyes shine every time he sees you. He's never treated anyone in such a way, not even anyone from the royal family, not even the most beautiful princess in the palace. But who knows? Maybe you're one of the very few people that he adores, or maybe because… he needs something from you. But even so…" He paused and sighed. "I don't know. I'm confused. Maybe we're just overthinking things. Let's just try not to think about it instead so we can both have peace of mind."
"Easy for you to say because you're not the recipient of his inappropriate actions," I said.
"Lucky for me, I suppose."
"Since you know your master too well, I have one last question for you… Suppose your master holds your hand, or he pulls you to his embrace… what will you do?"
Just hearing the question made him stiff and speechless. I saw his chin pointing forward, so I could tell that he had his eyes up and was probably imagining himself in the situation, and then he shuddered. "I don't know." He shuddered again, this time with a brr as if he just stepped out of a chilly place. "I don't even want to think about it."
"If you push him away, will he get angry?" I asked.
"That's for certain. As his disciple, he'll punish me or might even dismiss me and call me unsuitable to join his sect. Master is mostly unforgiving when he's offended, so nobody dares to offend him even the slightest."
We sighed almost at the same time.
"Maybe your best course of action is to do nothing," he said after a long moment of pondering. "Because if you act against it, he'll get mad and who knows what he'll do to you. If you reciprocate his tenderness out of courtesy, he might get the impression that you're into it and might do more improper things to you. But if you do nothing, he won't get the satisfaction he seeks and will eventually get bored and leave you alone."
I thought about it and realized that he made sense. "That's a good suggestion. Thank you."
"Master's coming," he whispered. "No more questions." Then he jumped out of the carriage and greeted his approaching master.