A shadow leaned over me, whispering, in the darkness,
Thoughts without sound;
Sorrowful thoughts that filled me with helpless wonder
And held me bound.
~ Alfred Noyes
.
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"I think it's time to break for lunch," Takatori said with a yawn, stretching his arms up over his head.
I looked up from the book I was reading, pen absently tapping against my lip. "Hmm?" I queried. I knew he'd said something, but the meaning had been lost by the time it had registered. My head was floating in a cloud of calculations, ideas spiraling through but conclusions just out of reach.
"Lunch," he repeated. "Food. Sustenance."
My eyes drifted from his face to the clock. The library was windowless, tucked securely away inside the building, and there was a sense of quiet timelessness to it that made it difficult to keep track of the hours.
"Crap," I said, once it sunk in. "I'm late."
I shuffled my papers into my bag and darted around, putting all the books back on the shelves where they belonged. Takatori watched me with half-lidded eyes and mild interest, as I slung my bag over my shoulder and skidded out the door with a wave.
I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date…
I legged it out of the compound and towards the park, keeping to ground level out of the last remaining dregs of respect for my medical leave status. By now, my chakra was almost fully recovered and I hadn't felt injured in the first place, so it seemed terribly pointless to avoid training.
Hinata, Sakura and Ino were already there, which was unsurprising given how late I was. Tenten was out on a mission with Naruto, which meant that despite best intentions, she still hadn't been invited to a study group.
Well. That was just how things worked out sometimes.
"Guess I'm not missing much, huh?" I asked, dropping down to sprawl beside Hinata. She was sitting all proper and daintily, but I'd been hunched over a desk all morning and I wanted to stretch.
"Sakura-san wanted to work on her taijutsu," she murmured to me.
The park wasn't technically a training field, so they probably shouldn't have, but there was no one else here and Ino and Sakura weren't doing more than slow and basic taijutsu. I eyed them critically. Maybe my standards were higher now, but I was sure Sakura had been better than that. Then again it had been months since graduation, and that was more than enough time to lose your edge, especially when it wasn't something you had ever really used in action.
"Probably a good idea," I said. "If she wants to be a field medic, anyway. There are pretty strict requirements."
I wondered if she'd done any work on the strength technique I'd shown her. It… hadn't actually been that long ago, really. It just felt it, what with everything that had happened. So, probably not.
I tried to see if there was anything different about the way Ino fought – maybe she was a little twistier, maybe her moves were a little more circular and serpentine than before – but if there was anything it was negligible. She traded blows with Sakura, a quick back and forth, and said something that made them both laugh.
I smiled.
"You want to?" I asked Hinata, motioning at the field. There was plenty of space. I could use the practice too, even if Hinata would probably trounce me. "No chakra though."
I wasn't that eager to get crushed.
She looked a little surprised, but agreed.
I bounced to my feet and took a couple of paces away from our stuff on the ground before assuming a ready stance, fists closed and up. Not quite my usual style, but if we weren't going to use ninjutsu, then I didn't need to be able to quickly form handseals.
Hinata sunk into a Jyuuken stance, but there was no surge of chakra and no glow to her hands, which meant I didn't worry overly when she slid forward, hand curving towards my chest.
I dodged rather than blocked, light on my feet and twisting around the follow up moves like I would have if they really were Jyuuken.
Back, back, left! I pivoted outside, as if to come around from behind, but she was ready for me, twisting neatly on the spot and lashing out with a kick that would have taken me out at the knees if I hadn't jumped.
I grinned, tipped backwards and handspringed off the ground, flipping for distance.
Hinata smiled back, a light, serene curve of her lips, before launching an absolutely relentless assault against me.
I twisted, turned, dodged and feinted, and resorted to blocking what I couldn't avoid. It wasn't totally one sided, and I gave some back when I had an opening, sending us dancing and whirling across the grass. Wind swept around us, making my hair dance in the breeze, but it was warm and the sun was shining.
I laughed, feeling light and free, and Hinata danced after me, happiness glimmering in her eyes.
And then she swept my feet out from under me with an absolutely vicious ankle hook, and sent me tumbling into the dirt.
"Mercy, mercy!" I gasped, still laughing. "I give."
She offered me a hand, two fingers extended, and I reached up with my own extended similarly to clasp it and complete the seal of reconciliation. More formal, maybe, than this little tussle warranted, but I wasn't going to refuse it.
Then she used it to haul me to my feet and startled a yelp out of me.
"Go Hinata!" Ino cheered.
"Weren't you fighting?" I demanded, amused. "Go on. Shoo."
She poked her tongue out at me. Looked like I wasn't the only one feeling a little silly. And what was wrong with that, really? We were home, safe and happy.
It was okay to be happy.
I hummed, twitching a bit to a remembered beat. A bubble of mischief welled within me.
Well. Why not?
"It's the eye of the tiger," I started singing, flicking a smirk towards Ino. "It's the thrill of the fight, rising up to the challenge of a rival…"
The thing was. I hoarded my memories, spending them like a miser with a handful of precious coins. Because once I shared them, I lost them. Ino and Sakura and Hinata would never know the real song, the singer or the music or the way that it was just one of those pieces that everyone knew. To them, it would only be a weird ditty that I had sung off key in a forgettable place on a forgettable day.
Even if I showed it to them, it wasn't the same.
Sakura looked a little gobsmacked, hands coming up to cover her mouth. I was definitely toeing the line of acceptable here. Ino had every right to take offence. If I'd judged it wrong, she could even be hurt.
But Ino threw her head back and laughed. "Rawr," she said, fingers curling into little claws and stalking towards me. "I'll show you tiger."
I laughed and ran backwards. "And the last known survivor stalks the prey in the night, and she's watching us all with the eye," I drew it out, "of the tiger…"
It wasn't the first time that I'd sung something from my past to them – it was rare but Ino and Sakura had probably heard more of it than anyone, even if they didn't know what they were hearing. But what would they think of that? That I liked singing and making up tunes? It was harmless.
I was aware of two chakra signatures moving towards us, but it was a public place and they were only at walking speed, so I mostly ignored them until they actually approached us.
"Can I help you, Mitarashi-san?" Hinata queried politely.
I did recognize her. Anko Mitarashi had been the proctor for the second stage of the Chunin Exam, and she wasn't exactly forgettable. The second person I didn't know, but she was slightly older than us with long brown hair swept neatly to the side, bangs braided over one shoulder but loose elsewhere. She was wearing a pink kimono over purple baggy pants and mesh undershirt, which was all well within the range of normal ninja outfit. Her chakra was strong, not impressively huge or anything, but enough to tell she was trained in using it.
"You can," Anko agreed. "Oi, Nara. Your invitation has been graciously accepted." She put her hand on the girls shoulder and edged her forward a fraction. "Yakumo Kurama."
I was a little more surprised that it was Anko escorting her, than by Yakumo's presence itself, truthfully. Then again, with consideration, it wasn't that surprising. Anko was an Intelligence Division Special Jounin, personally experienced in betrayal and traitors, and probably reasonably aware of the troubles of reintegrating into society after said events. She was probably an excellent person to look after Yakumo.
Yakumo bowed. "I am very pleased to meet you."
I bowed back after a moment of hesitation. "Likewise." There was an awkward pause, and I took over providing introductions for everyone. It was probably my responsibility, since I'd invited her. Anko hung back, not really taking part, but not venturing too far away either.
"Sasuke met her on his last mission," I explained, glossing over the details of it.
Sakura clapped her hands together. "Really? You have to tell us about it! What was it like? Was he cool?" Her starry eyed crush on Sasuke had never really gone away, and I didn't really expect it to. There was nothing really wrong with having a crush, even if it occasionally made things awkward. People were allowed to have feelings.
"Give her a minute, Sakura," Ino said with a laugh. But then she shot me a look that indicated I was going to have to do some explaining later.
I gave her a harried nod. Yes, okay, springing this on them wasn't exactly great either. But I hadn't exactly expected my invitation to be taken up? No, that was a shitty excuse.
"Yakumo specializes in genjutsu," I volunteered. "I know that that's not quite what we're working on, but I thought it would be interesting to have a different perspective on it." I turned more towards Yakumo to continue the explanation. "None of us have had much of a chance to study genjutsu since graduation. Well, apart from Hinata, since Kurenai-sensei specializes in genjutsu… I think you know her?"
Yakumo nodded, but something dark flickered across her face at the mention of Kurenai. "Yes," she said. "Kurenai-sensei tutored me several years ago."
Hinata smiled at her, clearly pleased with the connection. It probably said something about the strength of the student-teacher bond that Konoha promoted, that students that had never met before were more accepting over that recommendation alone. Then again, if Kakashi-sensei had other students… yeah, I probably would have been really interested in them.
I eyed Yakumo thoughtfully as the conversation took off. Dangerous and disturbed, Tsunade had called her. Was that the truth or a layer of misdirection? Would I ever know the difference?
What was I even doing?
I rubbed a hand across my eyes wearily.
I looked up and watched Anko watching us. She seemed intense – alert – but not unhappy. She caught my eye and smirked, like she'd felt me staring at her. She probably had. I was hardly being stealthy.
I dropped my attention back to Yakumo. She was getting on just fine with the others, and I withdrew a little from the group, watching and waiting. I'd take an opportunity if any presented themselves, but for now, I'd watch and wait.
It did, in the end. The topic swung away from genjutsu, touched on the medical knowledge that was ostentatiously our reason for meeting, and around to art. Or, more specifically, Yakumo's art.
"I'd like to see that in action," Sakura said, a little wistfully. "It sounds amazing. The combination of beautiful paintings and deadly genjutsu… a perfect kunoichi art!"
"Me too," I agreed, propping my chin up on my hand. "It sounds really interesting. Did you want to spar sometime?"
The words slipped out before I'd really considered them. It was a casual offer, one that got made reasonably regularly but not always followed through on. Once it was out, I wasn't sure if I wanted her to accept it or reject it – on one hand, I actually did want to see them in action. On the other. Well. I had just told myself I was going to watch and wait, hadn't I?
Yakumo blinked. "Um. Well, I don't know if I can," she said, and threw a look towards Anko.
Anko shrugged as all our attention focused on her. "Suit yourself," she said.
"I would like that very much, then," Yakumo said. "I haven't… I haven't had much of an opportunity to practice with other people."
I swallowed, and pasted on a smile. "Great. I've got a lot of free time at the moment, so whenever it suits you is fine."
We hashed out a time for the three of us to meet. I wasn't entirely sure that having Sakura be there was a good thing but… well, I wasn't going to say she couldn't be there. Not when I'd sort of jumped on her comment to initiate it.
This is why planning matters.
And then the group broke up, Hinata apologetically taking her leave to make it home on time for dinner, Anko whisking Yakumo away with an offhand wave in our direction and Sakura cheerfully tottering off with a stack of books.
That just left me and Ino in an empty park, sitting at a picnic table.
Ino braced her elbows on the table and looked at me over laced fingers.
"Sorry," I blurted out.
She raised an eyebrow in surprise.
"For…" I waved a vague hand. "Inviting Yakumo. Not warning you. Whatever." I shrugged. "I wasn't sure she would come."
"You don't have to apologize," Ino said, still sounding a little surprised. "The more the merrier, right? And it's not like we've ever stuck to just medical jutsu, even if that's what we started studying. I just wondered when you had time to meet her; Shikamaru made it sound like you were flat out with clan stuff."
"A bit?" I said. "I mean, none of it is urgent or anything, I just haven't had anything else to do. But, um, I didn't. I mean, I haven't met her before."
"Okay, now I'm lost," Ino said.
"Sasuke met her on his last mission," I repeated what I'd said before. "And her technique sounded interesting-" Saying it like that made me sound awful. I had no problems with Tsunade thinking I only wanted to learn her techniques, but it was different with Ino. "-And she sounded lonely and stuff…"
I cringed. That was terrible. Why was I so awful with words?
"That was nice of you," Ino said quietly. "I'm glad."
It was my turn to blink at her in surprise.
"You get quiet," Ino explained. "When you're uncomfortable or upset… like you don't want to been seen or talk to anyone. And you haven't been around lately, and then you were late today… I was worried that something was wrong."
"Oh," I said.
"But, you know," she looked away for a second. "That sounds like something I would have done. Inviting someone along because they sounded lonely."
"Would do," I corrected. It hung heavily in the air, because neither of us were talking about the grammar of the sentence.
Then Ino rolled her eyes. "Like something I would do," she corrected and huffed. "Take the compliment, Shikako. Sheesh. Don't be all weird."
"I'm not weird," I denied. "You're weird."
I grabbed my bag, darted off the table and stuck my tongue out at her.
Her mouth dropped open in shock. Then she scrambled after me. "You're weird, weirdo!"