It is not so much our friends' help that helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us. ~ Epicurus
.
.
I had barely finished eating breakfast the next morning - hospital food, not the greatest cuisine ever invented - when Sasuke barrelled into my room.
There was an agitation to his movements, an 'is it true?', and I was glad that I was awake. I wasn't entirely sure what his reaction would have been if I'd slept late this morning.
"Good morning," I said lightly, blinking at him. My voice was still a little rougher than it used to be but, though the medic nin had frowned at my removal of the block, they had healed the damage. Medical chakra felt strange, and though I knew it was helpful, I still had to focus to not shut it out.
He swallowed. "I… only just heard. Gai-sensei told me you were awake."
When they met up, for training or missions or whatever Gai-sensei got the three of them together for, I guessed. Sasuke did look a bit battered, like he had already been training today.
"I woke up yesterday," I said.
Sasuke replied with a wordless 'ah' moving to stand by the window instead of taking a seat. He folded his arms across his chest, the movement seeming defensive.
Not good.
I'd expected that Sasuke would have had a hard time. I'd expected it. But this looked to be worse than I'd thought.
"You've been training with Gai-sensei?" I asked, prodding for conversation. It seemed like a safe topic.
He nodded, jerkily. "He offered, while…" He cleared his throat. "They needed a third man for their squad while Lee was in the hospital." He sounded utterly professional. Easier to say that one of their team mates was in the hospital than his own were gone.
I 'hmm'ed. "Any interesting missions?"
"Just some border patrol. Rock has been scouting out the northern border. There have been a couple of attacks."
"Rock? Not Cloud? Interesting," I mused. Rock did despise us, quite a lot, but they were hardly at peak strength themselves. Like Sand, they hardly had the manpower to attack us. Then again…
Sasuke shrugged. "I haven't heard of any. So, soon, probably." He smirked a little, at the small joke.
If it hasn't happened yet, it's probably about to. One of the unofficial laws of ninja life, right up there with Murphy's.
I smiled back.
The moment of levity didn't last long. The smirk faded and Sasuke turned to stare out the window instead of looking at me. The line of his shoulders was tense.
I stared at him worriedly. How to bring this up? What should I say?
It turned out that I didn't have to, because Sasuke broke the ice a minute later. "I'm sorry."
"I- what?" I blinked in surprised. That… wasn't what I expected at all.
"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I- that's twice you've gotten hurt pulling me out of danger. It shouldn't have happened. I should be better than this."
"No, no, Sasuke. It's not your fault," I said, hastily, reassuring him. I slid out of bed and moved over to him. The guilt, I'd almost expected that. But the sheer misery in his eyes threw me. "Its okay."
"It's not okay!" he snapped. He was shaking. "Don't say that. I heard you. You were screaming like… like…. They knocked you out and you still kept screaming. Don't even try to tell me it's okay."
I … hadn't known that. A wry smile touched my lips.
"It's still not your fault."
He sneered. "Oh, so you were saving someone else from getting attacked?"
"I used the jutsu," I said firmly, not letting myself waver in face of his anger. He wasn't angry at me. "I used the jutsu and I don't regret it." I emphasised that as much as I could. "And you know what? I'd do it again. Because it would have been worse to watch you go through that. I would willingly put myself between you and danger, no matter what."
"You shouldn't," he said tiredly, anger fading. His shoulder slumped. "You'll get hurt."
"So could you," I replied. "You went to warn Naruto because you couldn't stand him getting hurt and I went with you because I couldn't stand either of you getting hurt."
He flexed his hands. "I don't want either of you to get hurt either. I was trying to help Naruto and you got hurt. It wasn't… it wasn't meant to be like that."
It wasn't a fair trade.
Everything I do turns to ash.
"I know," I said as gently as I could.
"Next time… I'll go alone. Then you wont get hurt." He sounded so earnest, like this was the perfect solution.
"We're not going to just let you push us away, Sasuke," I said.
There was relief and despair warring on his face. "He's just going to come back," he said. "I have to kill him. Or he's just going to keep coming back."
And destroying everything I have went unsaid. Knowing Itachi was after Naruto in his own right might have softened some of the blow, but it couldn't stop it completely. Itachi was Sasuke's nightmare in the same way that the Kyuubi was mine. Worse maybe, since I had never had to face Kyuubi, I didn't matter to it, it had never touched me.
His fists were clenched helplessly. "I'm just not strong enough."
I slipped my arms around his waist. "We'll train," I promised. "And we'll be ready next time." Not for a long while yet, but sometime.
I didn't really expect him to hug me back but he did, with a fierceness that was a little surprising. That alone would have told me how badly he was taking this all.
If I thought that I had been clingy in Wave Country when Sasuke had been injured, it really had nothing on Sasuke's overprotective tendencies. I'd had a glimpse of that in the Second Exam but it must have slipped my mind, because I was surprised by it all over again.
Still, I'd been in a coma for a month. People were allowed to be worried. I could deal.
That didn't mean I wasn't relieved when Naruto showed up.
"Hey Shikako! Oh, whoa. Sasuke? You're here?" His voice climbed a few decibels in aggravation. "I've been looking everywhere for you!"
Sasuke looked like he was on the verge of smirking in amusement. "Hn."
Naruto scoffed. "That is not even cool."
"Hey, Naruto," I said. "You vanished pretty quick yesterday. Didn't even give me a hug." I pouted exaggeratedly and opened my arms. Hey, I'd given everyone else a hug.
Naruto stepped forward so I could reach him. "Hehe, sorry. But Baa-chan still had to look at Lee and you were with your Mum so…" he trailed off.
Yeah, I could see his point. Being with my family had been nice.
"Thank you," I said, and meant it.
Like a lot of things, Naruto didn't seem to know how to handle gratitude. "Ah, it's okay," he said awkwardly, scratching the back of his head before flopping down into the chair. "So you're, like, better now, right?" he asked anxiously.
I nodded. "I'm fine," I said easily. I had a feeling I was going to get a lot of practice saying that. "So, I guess I missed out on a lot, right? Why don't you guys tell me what happened after I was knocked out?"
"Jiraiya showed up," Sasuke said concisely. "Those two fled. Then Gai-sensei brought us back to Konoha."
Naruto nodded. "Yeah, the pervy sage…" he shivered. "It was pretty scary. You just kept screaming the whole time; we didn't know what he'd done to you. The pervy sage looked really angry when he showed up. I thought there was going to be a huge fight or something, but they just took one look at him and ran. Then Bushy Brows-sensei showed up but he was too late to help."
There was a joke there about spending too much time with Kakashi-sensei. I took the high ground and didn't voice it.
"I see," I said. "So then you went and found Tsunade?"
"Yeah." Naruto brightened. "Yeah. And pervy sage did end up teaching me that jutsu that he said he would, you know, the one he said was 'better than Chidori'?" he bounced in his seat. "It totally is. I'll show you… I mean later, when you're not in the hospital or anything. It's awesome."
"Yeah, right," Sasuke muttered. "Better than Chidori." His scoff was only a shadow of its former self.
"It is so," Naruto said, indignant. "It's the Fourth Hokage's jutsu, so there." Childishly he stuck out his tongue.
"Settle down, settle down," I said, amused. "We can all show off our super cool jutsu later. Why don't you tell us about the rest of the trip. I bet some interesting things had to have happened."
Naruto subsided for a second, before launching into the tale of just how his trip with Jiraiya had gone. Apparently, I hadn't been too far off the mark with my assumption that Orochimaru would also be searching for Tsunade and both he and Kabuto had been there. That was a shame. I had half held out hope that Kabuto would have been caught or killed during the invasion. He certainly hadn't seemed to be doing too well against Gai-sensei when I left.
"He offered to revive her brother?" Sasuke asked quietly, staring out the window.
Naruto shrugged uncomfortably. "Something like that, yeah. I think it was the same jutsu he used against the old man. It's not… It's not the same as actually bringing them back." His tone was awkward. "She told him to stuff it because they wouldn't have wanted to be used against Konoha like that. Baa-chan is pretty cool for an old lady, you know?"
"If he brought them back, he could probably control them," I added, thoughtfully. "It would be pretty awful it he used them to attack."
Naruto shivered. "Yeah. That'd be… awful," he agreed.
Of course, the fact that Naruto had challenged her to a fight was another sticking point.
"Well you don't lack for courage," I said, sharing a glance with Sasuke.
"Just brains," he added.
"Yea- hey!" Naruto yelped. "I wasn't going to let her get away with that. And besides," he pointed out, eyes glinting. "It worked."
He might not have won the fight, exactly, but Tsunade had become the Fifth Hokage and returned to Konoha, so it might have been a case of lost the battle, won the war.
"So it did," I mused. "So it did."
They stayed for a while, but neither of the boys were exactly the type for long hospital visits. They just weren't made for it. I didn't hold it against them.
"Err, Sasuke…" I muttered, just as Naruto left.
Sasuke paused at the door. "Yeah?"
I hopped out of bed and found the clock that I'd taken off the wall, shoved in the closet and smothered with spare linens. "Could you hand this in to the reception, or something?"
Sasuke blinked.
"The ticking just bothers me," I said, aware that it wasn't a very good explanation. It was only when the room was silent that it mattered, when I had nothing else to focus on but the constant ticking. This was not my first step to becoming Sensei.
Sasuke, bless his heart, took the clock and said nothing.
I spent a few minutes checking over the flowers and cards. There were quite a few of them, from my family, friends, the rest of rookie nine, from various Akimichi and Yamanaka and even one from Iruka-sensei. There was also a stack of basic medical books beside the table that I hadn't noticed before. I had no idea whose they were, or why they were here but I pinched one to read. My room, my rules.
The mystery was laid to rest when Ino came bustling in, hands full of snapdragons. "Hello, sleeping beauty," she sang cheerfully.
"Morning, Ino," I replied with a smile.
"It's quiet in here, I figured you'd be swamped in visitors," she commented, arranging the flowers on the desk in some mystical arrangement that suited her sensibilities. My ikebana skills were very basic.
"The boys were in here this morning, they've already come and gone. The family was here all yesterday, so they're excused. Sakura is probably either working or in lessons. Hmm. Chouji probably wont show till after lunch. Am I missing anyone?"
"Hinata usually stops by every couple of days," Ino said, surprising me a little. "She brings her team sometimes." It shouldn't have surprised me, of course, since I had visited Hinata semi-frequently and she seemed the type to remember that. I did consider myself friends with Kiba, but like Naruto and Sasuke he wasn't the type for hospital visits.
"That's nice of her," I said absently.
Ino nodded. "So Sasuke was here? How was he?"
I nearly teased her, until I saw her worried frown. "Better, I think," I murmured. "We talked. I don't know, I'll have to see if it sunk in."
"I hope so," she said. "He's been working himself into the ground. Every spare moment, just training. I think Gai-sensei made them take so many missions because it forced him to take a break."
"You've really been looking out for him, haven't you?" I asked, studying her. "Thanks, Ino."
"It's never a hassle to spend time with Sasuke," she said brightly, then wilted a little under my continued stare. She shrugged. "We've been getting along better. He even said 'thanks' for helping out against Gaara." She laughed a little, but it was more wry than amused. "A few months ago, I'd have been ecstatic. I still was, a little but… no one knew if you were ever going to wake up."
I nodded. "I know, Ino. I'm sorry. But even if I didn't… it would have been okay, y'know, for you to be happy…"
She smiled. "Oh, don't start with that. I've been doing more than just moping about you know." She scooped one of the medical books up and showed it to me. "I guess I'm going to have to find another place to study. That's a shame; it's usually pretty quiet in here."
"I didn't think you were that interested in medical jutsu," I said. "You never said anything."
"What?" she asked defensively. "You think that I'm just going to let you and Sakura do this without me? No way. Ino Yamanaka does not lose to anybody at anything."
And maybe not, but she'd still picked the time I was laid up in hospital to start. It was the first time any of us had been in serious 'might never recover' danger. The first dawning realisation that 'this is dangerous' and 'we might die'. Dangerous fights were one thing. Injuries were another.
I smiled and shook my head. "Whatever you say, Ino."
She huffed. "I do say."
"Maybe we should get a study group together," I suggested. "You, me, Sakura. Hinata does herbal salves, I know…"
"Sounds like a good idea," she said. "Funny how it's just us girls, though."
"Well, Shikamaru knows more than he'd be willing to admit," I said. "And I bet Kiba's been wrangled into helping at the Inuzuka clinic a few times. But no, I don't think any of the boys are that interested."
"That's just like that lazy toad," she said. "He made some mumbling about how girls should be good at it when I said I was learning."
I snickered. "One day he's going to learn how to phrase things in a way that isn't insulting."
"Oh, please. He does it on purpose and you know it. Chivalry, my ass." But she looked mostly amused.
We chattered back and forth, sometimes exchanging gossip - or rather, Ino filling me in on what I'd missed - and just sometimes silent and reading, until about eleven when the door slid open.
I watched in bemusement as Sakura peered around the doorframe, checking the room out before she came in.
"Looking for someone?" I asked.
She blushed. "Lee's been in here a lot," she confessed, voice hushed like someone might overhear. "Whenever I try to visit…"
"Lee?" I repeated, blinking. I had visited him a few times, sure, but we weren't exactly close.
She looked miserable. "I think he's stalking me."
Ino snickered, hand over her mouth trying to keep silent.
I couldn't stop the smile that kicked up the corner of my lip, but I hastily squashed it before she saw. "Lee is… very enthusiastic," I said diplomatically.
She gave me a horrified look. "He keeps asking me out on dates! He's worse than Naruto. At least I don't see him very much anymore."
"Hey, no dissing my team mates," I said, wiggling my finger at her.
She looked abashed. "Sorry, sorry. But still, it's the truth."
Ino managed to straighten her face, though it seemed to take a lot of effort. "Ah, Lee's not so bad. If it wasn't for the eyebrows…"
Sakura shivered, then gave her a reproachful look. "You wouldn't find it so funny if he was after you."
"I wouldn't, of course… you beautiful flower of springtime." Ino wheezed, cackling with laughter.
Sakura glowered. I felt like I was missing part of the joke, but I could guess.
"Anyway," Sakura said heavily. "Speaking of Lee, have you heard about the surgery?"
I shook my head. "Surgery?"
"Mmm," she pulled the chair over and sat down. "Tsunade-sama looked at him. She said that she could fix whatever was wrong with him - I don't have the details - but that the surgery had only a 50% chance of success."
Ino stopped laughed. "Oh, ouch."
"Yeah. I mean, there's no way that anyone would go through with that, right?"
I considered. "If it's his only chance… yeah, I think he would."
"What?" Sakura gasped.
"It's got to be pretty serious if he's still in hospital after a whole month," I said. "And if Tsunade herself has to look at him. Stands to reason then that his shinobi career would be over if he didn't take it."
"But… it's only … he could die."
"He did seem pretty determined to be a shinobi," Ino said slowly. "I mean, he could have forfeited the match, and he never did. Should have, probably."
"That's crazy," Sakura whispered, looking a little shaken.
"Hey, medical treatments aren't pure chance, you know," I said, trying to reassure her. "They might say fifty percent, but you're stacking the deck in your favour simply by having Tsunade here. And you can't underestimate the healing factor of sheer willpower."
Sakura smiled weakly. "I guess."
Ino closed her book with finality. "Right. Well, Sakura and I usually meet up for lunch," she said.
I got the hint. "Don't let me keep you," I said, waving. "Go. Eat."
They both sent me smiles. "Don't worry. A few days and you'll be out of here," Ino said. "Then we'll all get lunch together."
"I'm looking forward to it."
I expected to be fed hospital food again for lunch, but it was barely twenty minutes later that Chouji arrived, carrying possibly the biggest basket of food that I'd ever seen. Shika followed behind him with a slightly smaller but still impressive basket.
"Are you expecting an army?" I asked, amused, even as I crossed my legs and flattened the bed sheets out so we could turn my bed into a picnic table. I wasn't on a restricted diet like I would be if my gastrointestinal tract hadn't been in use, and I totally didn't want to think about how I'd been fed while I was out of it. I was very thankful all such tubing had been removed before I'd been woken.
"Mum cooked," Chouji said, a little sheepishly. "She thought that you'd need some energy after sleeping for so long."
"This wasn't even all of it," Shika complained. "Just what we could carry."
"I'm sorry you had to go to so much effort," I consoled, patting him on the shoulder.
He snorted. "Itadakimasu."
I echoed him, eating with pleasure. Setsuko Akimichi was a wonderful cook and even though there was a ridiculous amount of food, Chouji was making a damn good attempt to get through it all.
After lunch, we all lounged around in various states of 'ooh, I ate too much'. Shikamaru set up a shogi board after a while and he and I traded pieces back and forth.
"So?" I asked.
"So?" he drawled back lazily.
"You're not going to fill me in on what you've been up to this month?" I asked archly.
He shrugged. "Same as what normally happens." He yawned. "Training, missions, Mum hassling me…"
I rolled my eyes, but considered him. He was focusing on the shogi game which, well, it wasn't our best game in ever.
"Talk to Sasuke much?" I asked, taking a stab in the dark.
"A bit," he said casually. "It's been hard to pin him down."
Okay, that settled it. "You've spent the last month interrogating him for details, haven't you?" I asked.
Chouji laughed. "I told you she'd know," he said to Shikamaru.
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever."
I sighed. I had a feeling I knew where this was going. "Shika…"
"Relax," he said, voice still sounding bored. "I haven't been giving him a hard time about it. Even though he was the one to drag you out there, it wasn't really his fault. I know that." But there was a deep and strangely calculating look in his eyes, because he knew exactly whose fault it was.
"I know. I'm just saying… If you're planning to take down Itachi…" I began.
He stiffened. Yeah, that was exactly what he was planning, wasn't it?
"You better start planning long term, got it?" I finished.
He relaxed, just a fraction. "Troublesome."
I snorted weakly. "You're troublesome. He's an S-rank that other S-ranks avoid. I know you're a tactical genius and all, but that doesn't guarantee anything."
"I know," he said.
"And you better include me in whatever you're planning. And Sasuke and Naruto are going to want to be involved." They would not stand to be left out, Sasuke especially. And well, Naruto… "Hey. If you're going to use my team mates as bait, at least do them the decency of telling them."
"I wasn't-" he protested, then paused. "Bait is a harsh way of putting it."
But true.
"And not until we're sure of victory. Don't go all hot headed on me," I cautioned.
"Me? Hot headed?" He snorted. "Maybe I should get the doctor. You've clearly damaged something."
"You don't fool me," I scoffed. "It might take a lot to get to you, but you're not going to let this go."
He shrugged, but didn't deny it.
Oi vey. And like Jiraiya had said, save me from Genin with no sense of self preservation.
Irony, you work quickly.