The familiar sound of his alarm clock woke Eddie out of slumber. He wasn't asleep but tried to rise to a brand new day as thoughts weaved through his mind. An emotional blend of pleasure, charm, hatred, but above all, the guilt that he had failed as a father. It had been almost six years since he divorced his wife after twenty-seven years of marriage and he still lingered over what could have been, if things would have been a little bit different.

Their three kids were all grown up, two with kids of their own, loans, marriage, the whole nine yards, neck deep. The other one was a drug addict who seemed to always have more dollars in his pocket than his other two educated siblings. However, as fate would have it, he wound up in jail with no chance of freedom until after his parents passed away. Eddie didn't blame himself for that but his only regret was that he was too kind to his kids while they were growing up. Out of affection and love, he came to lose himself and his children, thinking that money could buy happiness, and it did, until things just spiraled South, especially after his wife had an affair.

Eddie Mack, known to many as the epitome of kindness, held a steadfast belief in good karma. Despite the storm of emotions swirling in his heart, he always tried to maintain positive energy. Lost in these thoughts, he almost unconsciously performed his morning routine with mechanical precision, brushing his teeth and preparing to catch a few moments of the morning news. He had to be on the freeway by 6:30 a.m. or he'd never make it to work on time. That office was the only place that kept tabs on him for the past decades. The only part of his life that was his. Everything else was hers or theirs. His wife's friends, his kids' friends, his wife's this, his kids' that. He had given up everything for them, they had taken him for granted and left him out to dry. He emerged from the shower with a new frame of mind. One that had to face his superiors and colleagues at work. As he dressed himself to sit in a not-so fancy office, making endless phone calls and handling often meaningless documents, it dawned on him that he hated just about every aspect of his life other than the fact that he was still fighting and battling on for his own sake. He was emotionally burned out over the years and it soon had him questioning his own existence on earth. He felt a strong need for spiritual awakening and seeking deeper truths to life that, for some, if not most, could only be learned through experience. As he locked the front door and walked out to his car, it brought back memories of seeing his dad leaving for work each day. His dad was the only one who had his back from day one. Perhaps the only reason he carried on. The only one he wanted to not let down. As he slowly turned out of the driveway, he let autopilot take over. The route to his office turned out as anticipated with traffic; everything seemed normal, but just too normal. Eddie felt like he had lived this day a thousand times. Like déjà vu. He felt like he was staring at a glitch, looking into its abyss while life was slowly ticking away. Again he thought of his dad, who became a first-time father with him at age 20. He was happily married until his wife passed away, and he continued on being happy, even into his 70's. Eddie had a certain connection with his father, but he never questioned his own existence. A man questioning his own father about his existence would take away the joy of having him brought into this world in the first place. As he pondered that thought, he realized that it had been a while since he had a chat with his old man and why not try bringing the question to light, but from a different perspective. As the day soon set into motion, Eddie realized that every stroke of his pen was one that he'd taken before. Every noise, every little sound, down to the tick of the clock on his wall made him even more annoyed about how his life had panned out and was going. And so he began to wonder... Is this the American Dream? He was an outstanding employee and had been promoted from standing in front of the showroom as a salesman to sitting behind a desk, doing administrative tasks. He was a veteran, an asset to his organization and had been paid very well in the process. He had money saved up; his wife didn't take the house though they did split everything else down equally. His kids, though not living their best lives, had their own day to wake up and seize, and so he wondered. If anything ever happened to him, the only person who would feel sorry for him was his own father. As an only child, he wasn't close to his extended family and over the years, they became more like close friends rather than family. They only checked up on him when they needed something. So he picked up the phone and dialed his dad up. It had been like six months since they had last spoken to each other. His father had his own business and was successful. He still continued to run his business after retirement and it seemed as though he'd never stop working. "Hey, Dad, how are you?" "What's wrong, son?" A concerned but calm voice echoed from the other end of the line. "Son, I know when something isn't right, and this seems to be even worse than what I'd like to anticipate. "Eddie breathed a deep sigh over the phone as tears swelled up in his eyes. It seemed like forever since someone had genuinely taken an interest or sought a meaningful connection with him. He tried to speak but couldn't. His dad, sensing that his son was in tears, started to comfort him, but he couldn't hear the words. His mind came to an halt as he tried to figure and structure out how he would best express this blend of emotions that ate away at the core of his very existence.