"Hey, Nikko….? You've been quiet for a while now. Everything okay?" He asks. I was just getting lost in his smile, he can't blame me for that….
"Yeah, don't worry" I blush a little.
"The night city is beautiful…. Shall we move to the balcony, so we can admire it?" He suddenly suggests, with a light smile on his lips, looking out of the window.
I agree with no complaints... It's freezing out there, but the view is more than worth it.
So we move to the balcony. There are no visible stars in the sky…. this makes me feel sad about life in the city. Stars are filled with immense beauty that can't be observed here due to light pollution. But it's important to find beauty in what's provided. The city lights have their own beauty too, and this, on the other side, makes me happy.
"You know, I'm really enjoying tonight…." He starts. "I've been able to relax a bit after a long time" He looks at me with his usual light smile on.
"I'm glad." I smile back "Has there been lot on you lately?"
"Kind of" He leans against the railing and looks up to the sky. He seems to have a lot on his mind right now. As if he was thinking of everything. But nothing comes out of him.
"You can talk to me if you want to." I say.
Hoshi's eyes glisten. He's not far from letting tears fall down. He breathes in, his voice trembling, clearly he's pretty anxious right now.
"Are you alright?" I ask, worried about him.
"Yeah, it's just hard sometimes. Sorry…"
He never seemed stressed, nor tired. His always bright smile is now gone. He looks so miserable… But I guess falling in love includes sharing such moments…
Hoshi lights up a cigarette. He's now looking down, trying not to cry.
And although it breaks my heart to see him like this, it still feels kind of right…. It feels right to be in this situation. It somehow makes me feel close to him, wanting to care about him.
When he looks up,I take his hand, the one that's holding the cigarette, and put it down. I stroke it. There's silence between us. My usual answer to all problems is gone, because he clearly doesn't need my smart ass side right now. I think he just needs empathy, not logic at the moment.
I keep stroking his hand gently, and slowly, to calm him down. And after a while, his breathing indeed slows down… He puts his other hand on mine, that still strokes his. I feel the urge to assure him.
"Just remember, whenever you feel fucked up, I'm here to listen."
He smiles at me, his eyes still overflowing with quiet tears. I can feel that he values my favor.
I'm sure I'm blushing, I always am.
He sniffs a bit, and my hand wipes away the rest of his tears.
"You know, I just want to understand you." I say, playing with his soft hair. We're now closer… closer….And closer….
And as the moon magnetizes us together, his cold hands wander on my shoulders, touching me delicately. He looks me in the eyes, and his gaze silently whispers his thoughts.
Hoshi leans closer, his lips slightly parted.... but I don't want my first kiss to taste like smoke. Before he can do anything, I take him into a hug. He just chuckles.
"You understand me more than anyone." He says, his tone warm, his hands embracing me back. He seems to understand me more than anyone too.
I love him, I love him, I love him!!!!!