My mother sat at the desk and began writing.
'Please wait here. I won't be long,' she said.
She wrote in her neat hand a few lines I couldn't read. She looked calm and composed: what my brother Armand had told her, her command that he and Blaise left, and the news of the loss of the Saint Mary didn't seem to affect her.
I walked about the room.
'Mother, what will we do?' I said.
My mother folded the paper, sealed it, then looked at me:
'Eloise, I wish you wouldn't fidget so. Please take this and deliver it at once.'
Then, she looked at me, preoccupation suddenly rising to the surface and showing on her face.
'Promise me that you will not visit that shop ever again and that, if you see that boy on the street, you will turn around and walk the other way. Once money runs out, women have nothing left but to become wives, servants, or nuns. I wish you could be none of these things: you should be your own person, seek the designs of your own volition. This can only be accomplished with money.
'You have none of your own, so, if you marry well, you will have enough independence from your husband to do as you please and live the life you want. You will be a wife only in name.
'Promise, Eloise.'
I understood she was speaking from experience, that, with Father, she had been free, even though she had been married to him. She had been able to fulfill any desire she might have had, and also pursue love. She had also been happy.
Money had done it.
Now that her funds were dwindling, her freedom was gone. Her happiness had disappeared. Love too was lost.
I didn't even consider then whether this was what I wanted for myself. I could have been happy with Maurice, I now believe, and yet Mother had scared me enough, filling me with the fear that a simple existence could not be a happy one, that the feelings I felt for Maurice were an illusion and that they would vanish anyway, that I ended up making that promise to her.
She smiled back at me, once she heard what she had demanded, and gave me the letter.
I looked at the name written on it: it was addressed to Mr LeClair.
In the next room, I could hear the noise of my brothers filling their trunks and preparing to leave.
I took it and walked out of the house, alone, and for the first time I turned the opposite way from the little shop I so eagerly frequented.
I walked along the boulevards feeling dejected. I believe I could have survived the shock of losing my father, or that of losing our house; I could have survived the disappointment of leaving Maurice, and I could have born the prospect of the poverty we were trying so hard to escape. But the accumulation of all these calamities, which were not subsiding or giving me any pause or relief, weighed so heavily on me, that I began crying.
I sat on a bench in a little park, under the shade of tall trees.
Nobody stopped to console me. Everyone was walking to their destination in a brisk pace, not looking about. Nobody knew anybody else.
In our little village, things had been different: I knew everybody, and I believe that, had anybody seen me crying, they would have stopped and enquired after the cause of my distress. Once again, I didn't even consider the idea of going back. I could have asked Mr Clement to teach me, and, like Margot, in due time I could have become a schoolteacher.
Finally, seeing that my tears produced no change in my situation, I calmed myself. Instead of feeling calmer after this outpour of grief, I felt empty. This was the way my mother must have felt: I too then realised that, no matter how grave the danger and how overwhelming my fear was, nobody was coming to my rescue. I had to collect myself and do what I needed to do to survive.
I had my misgivings over Mr LeClair. He had been very cruel to my mother. He could have helped her, but instead he had humiliated her.
I knew he was not a gentleman, but I then considered that he had money, and he could be useful.
I then chose cunningness over righteousness.
The world had shown me that it was uncaring and unforgiving. It was up to me and my mother to help ourselves. If we were to exploit other people's desires for our own gain, so be it. I considered that, if this was immoral, I was only giving back what I was receiving.
Not for once I thought of the kindness that Margot or Maurice had shown me; neither did I consider the good fortune of having born in wealth and of living luxuriously for eighteen years, thanks to my father's hard work: I could only see how I had been wronged, and how the World owed it to me to give me happiness and wealth.
I then stopped crying, resolute now, and looked at the address on the message I held in my hand. I then realised I didn't know the city or how to get to Mr LeClair's house. I laughed at my silliness: in my confusion, I had been walking without any care of where I was going.
I then decided to ask someone for help, but, faced with he prospect of asking a stranger, I grew fearful once again. I spied on the people around. One looked too serious, another too busy. One looked too young, one too old. In everyone's face, I saw a reason why I shouldn't bother them.
Finally, a woman sat next to me on the bench, dropping a large bag of linen on the floor. She looked tired, as if she had been working all night and all morning. There were bags under her eyes, and the skin on her face was yellow and red and very rough. I also noticed her hands, which appeared broken in many places and covered in boils and calluses.
The choice that my mother was presented with was being as destitute as this woman or being a rich man's mistress, wear jewels and eat rich food, and occasionally get fucked and maybe be passed around, like I had seen done to Madame Vasileva.
Let it be jewels and rich food and a good fuck!
I then looked at this woman, who I now saw as my inferior, for I believed she had chosen a life of drudgery over one of ease, and in a very superior tone, of which I had now very ashamed, demanded the shortest way to get to Mr LeClair's house.
This woman, who had probably worked hard all her life and earned whatever she had, I regarded as my inferior. I held this conviction just because I had lived a life of privilege and was used to fine things, just because I wore a nice dress, and just because I held in my hand a letter to a wealthy man my mother and I hoped to depend on for our financial security!
She looked at me with stupefied eyes and told me what I wanted to learn.
I finally arrived at a new house just outside the centre of the town where the older constructions were.
Mr LeClair's house stood quite alone, surrounded by a large garden.
I now walked towards this manor with a fast step. I was eager to get the work started, and, somehow, I confided that Mother and I, if we put our minds to it, could entrap Mr LeClair. His money was ours! That was my belief, that a woman could ensnare a man, that her beauty was stronger than any reason he might possess.
I knocked on the door, and a man opened the door. He wore what looked like a military uniform, but he kept it open on the front, as if he had not finished dressing. This man was very skinny, and an emaciated face that reminded me of a mangy wolf. On his lips was a wide grin, which instantly filled me with fear.
'Ah, miss,' he said, leering at me. 'We were awaiting your arrival.'
I was much confused by this welcome.
'Come, come,' this man said, grabbing me by the wrist and taking me inside.
The house was luxuriously furnished, but there was a coldness to it. The curtains were partially drawn, as if the light of day annoyed the owner of the house; the furniture was dark and severe, which was more suited to the house of a country squire, rather than that of a man of means in the city; and the rooms had a musty smell: no flowers or perfumes scented the air, and everything seemed owned, but not lived in or enjoyed.
The man walked at a speedy pace, and I after him, and we walked down a set of stairs into the kitchen.
'She's here!' he announced.
'Ah, the new girl!' another voice answered.
'Come here sweety!' said a third one.
I looked around.
A group of men, similarly attired in a distracted manner as the man who had welcome me, sat around a table.
A woman sat among them. She was probably not much older than forty, but she looked older. By the way she was dressed, I guessed she was a maid in the employment of Mr LeClair.
'Let's see you then,' one of the men said.
I was much confused and said nothing.
The air stank of wine, and I saw there were many bottles on the table. The men had been engaged in a game of cards, and these rested among the red-stained glasses.
The scene reminded one of a tavern, or a gambling den.
'Oh, she's a shy one,' the woman said, grinning at me, showing a handful of yellow teeth.
'No need to be shy,' a man said.
'Hey Grin,' another called, addressing the man I had walked in with, 'I thought she wasn't due until this afternoon.'
The man that was called Grin replied with a gravelly voice:
'She must be eager. Aren't you?'
'What's your name, sweetie?' the woman demanded.
'Eloise,' I said, very much fearful of these men, and daring to speak only because I was talking to the woman.
'That's a pretty name, isn't it? Come and sit with us,' she said. 'Drink with us.'
'We need to get to know each other,' one of the men said.
I didn't dare make a move, but Grin gave me a little shove, and I stumbled a few steps.
'Sit with me!' a man cackled.
'On my lap!' another one echoed.
'I think there must be a mistake,' I stuttered.
The men looked confused; then they laughed.
'No mistake!'
'These are the rules of the house.'
'We're all friends. So, let's be friendly!'
This choir of voice seemed rather terrible, but I protested once more:
'I am here only to deliver a letter.'
'A letter?' the woman asked.
I raised a hand, showing the envelope.
'Give it here,' Grin said, snatching it from my fingers. 'It's a letter for the master. What do you want from him, eh?'
'I just needed to deliver it. Now, I should go, or I'll be late.'
This confused Grin.
'Well, why didn't you say so before, eh?'
The other men seemed to lose confidence, and they remarked it was a pity I was not the one they expected.
'It's important, sir. Can you please deliver it to him?' I added.
'Important, eh?' Grin asked, giving me a searching look.
'Yes,' I said.
He looked at me, now smiling horribly and showing a row of small teeth, like those of a lizard or a rat.
'Well, why should I give it to the master?' he said, mockingly.
I took an air of dignity:
'Because your master will be very cross if you don't.'
The room exploded in a raucous laughter.
'Well, we must want compensation for this service,' Grin insisted. 'You tried to pass for someone else, coming in under false pretences, and giving us false hopes… Now, you demand a service from us, and I demand to be compensated.'
'Hear, hear!' someone said, banging a hand on the table.
'He's right!' another replied.
'You are in a pickle,' the woman said to me then. 'Come; sit next to me; keep these gentlemen company. They will deliver your letter for you.'
I then decided that it was important for Mother to meet Mr LeClair, and that I couldn't not stand in the way of that. I would take my revenge on these people, once Mother gained the trust of the lord of the house.
So, I reluctantly sat next to the woman who said:
'See, Eloise? These are very fine gentlemen, employed in one of the best houses of France.'
She spoke in a hoarse voice.
'Drink with us, Eloise,' Grin said, and someone offered me a glass, filled to the brim, with red wine.
I began to refuse, but I feared that this would cost me the delivery of the letter, so I took a sip.
'That's a good girl,' Grin said.
'Look at Mr Grin, here,' the woman continued, 'isn't he a proper host, offering you a drink on a hot day?'
I thanked the company, not feeling they had done anything to deserve my gratitude, but not wanting to upset them with my pride.
Grin grabbed a chair and, dragging it with much noise on the floor, came to sit next to me.
He then looked at me for a moment and said:
'You are indeed very fine looking, Eloise, and have got my hopes up. Now that you have drunk our wine, we will need to agree on a suitable compensation for all we're doing for you today.'
The men here laughed at this remark.
'What will you want me to do, sir?' I demanded, not looking at him.
He considered this.
'How important is this letter of yours?'
I then replied:
'It is nothing to me, but it means the World to your master. Whether you deliver it or not, it is not my concern.'
Grin seemed taken aback, but he quickly recovered.
'Very well,' he said. 'What master doesn't know won't hurt him, after all.'
So, he took the envelope and dangled it above a half-filled glass, ready to drop it.
'No, please, sir!' I cried.
Grin smiled widely, having made me shown how much I cared about this letter.
'Well, well…' he mumbled. 'Nothing to you, eh?'
Everybody laughed at this.
'Very well. Now, leave. We are busy.'
I was relieved to hear that I could go, but I feared that letter was going to get destroyed. I was now determined to have my mother's words relayed to Mr LeClair. I confided that this man could offer us some protection, and I could not afford to lose this opportunity.
I remembered my mother's words and her recommendation to do what was necessary to survive, and to forget every other scruple.
'How would you like to be compensated?' I asked, trying to find the courage.
Grin looked at me, then at his friends:
'I don't know. We are employed by a wealthy gentleman. We want nothing.'
Everyone muttered in agreement
'However,' Grin continued, 'we could help a lady in need, in exchange of her friendship.'
I looked around the table.
Everyone was leering at me.
'You are very lucky, Eloise,' the woman said, 'to be favoured by these gentlemen.'
Grin still held the letter by a corner and dangled over the blood-like liquid within his glass.
'Well, Grin,' I said, 'if you wanted so little, you could have said so before.'
'Gentlemen, I believe we have come to an agreement, and we will receive what we had been expecting,' Grin, said addressing the company.
'Oh, oh,' the woman laughed, 'my little friend, I don't know who will receive compensation here. These men know how to treat a lady.'
I looked at her. I believed she was the one who had to gratify the men, when nothing better presented itself. She appeared much inebriated, and I didn't consider whether she had to be pitied or despised. I wondered whether she was glad I was there to offer the men some distraction, and to ensure she was not required to quell their appetite.
Grin, leaning back on his chair, began to unbutton his trousers.
'Gentlemen, what are you waiting?' he said, and the other men imitated this gesture.
I stood up and undressed. I folded my clothes fastidiously, and I placed them on a shelf.
'She has big tits!' one said.
A little choir of appreciation now rose:
'Look at that pretty cunt, as red as a fox.'
'Nice round ass.'
'Oh, we will enjoy ourselves after all!'
I looked around, and every man was holding his cock in his hand, massaging it in anticipation.
'We will have to take turns,' someone said.
'I will be first,' Grin said.
I looked at him with contempt and said:
'Do you fear the comparison?'
He laughed:
'I will enjoy you very much. Now come here!'
I despised this man, but I was now determined to show him I had no fear of him, and that I could take anything. I was also adamant that, from that moment on, I could pursue my designs, without any regard for my feelings.
I knelt next to him and held his cock in my hand. I looked up to him.
He grinned his horrible grin, and I smiled back.
'I will need the cook to keep me hard,' one said.
'Oh, come here, my little cockerel,' the woman said, guffawing.
The man put his cock in her mouth, which she began to suck.
'What are you waiting for, Eloise?' Grin said.
I then put his cock in my mouth and gave it a few sucks.
'My boys, she isn't so shy anymore!' Grin said.
As I fellated this man, I felt the other man's hands on me, feeling my breasts, caressing my hair.
One took my hand and brought it to his groin.
I then began to shake his dick too, while sucking Grin's dick.
After a moment, Grin signalled to me he wanted to change position.
'You can't have her all for yourself,' another man said.
'Don't worry, you will have your turn,' Grin replied.
'I don't think so,' the other replied, showing his fist to Grin.
This second man was much taller and muscular than the other, although I understood Grin outranked him.
'Very well,' Grin said. 'Eloise, sit on my lap. This gentleman has no manners.'
I turned around and with my fingers parted my pussy, so to allow easy passage into it, then sat on Grin's cock.
'Look at this pretty ass,' he said, grabbing me from behind.
I then bent forward to take the other man's dick in my mouth.
Meanwhile, the cook was sucking off the fourth man, while the one she had been working on before was masturbating as he admired me.
Guided by Grin, I bounced up and down on him. I began to feel stimulated by that game.
Similarly, I believe that all the other participants were very keen on the pleasure they were receiving.
'My turn,' the man who had been masturbating said, and the man I was sucking stood aside, so that I could please his friend.
'Ah, she sucks better than the cook!' he said.
Grin was now fucking me quite liberally. In his passion, he now popped his thumb inside my ass.
This felt strangely compelling, and I shivered as I felt a surge of pleasure within me.
Once again, we changed position.
The man who had had his dick in the cook's mouth protested:
'I won't come inside the old hag, while you're fucking that young hussy!'
So, I was made to lay on the ground, so that he could lay on top of me and fuck me in that position.
'Oh, Eloise, you're making these men very happy!' the cook exclaimed.
Meanwhile, the men were touching my breasts, and Grin game near my face and put his cock inside my mouth.
In that position, I couldn't easily stimulate him, but he seemed contented to masturbate while holding the tip of his dick into my mouth.
I could taste for a moment the flavour of my own pussy before he ejaculated in my mouth with a loud groan.
The other two men watched as Grin relieved himself and the other man kept fucking him.
'Do you think she will take it in the ass?' one of the two asked.
'What do you say, sweetie?' the other one said.
I looked up at them. I was now feeling very excited, and I was filled with the unstoppable fire that takes all the lovers. So, with great sincerity, I said:
'You will have to be gentle, but I will not object to it.'
The man on top of me was now moving very fast, ready to ejaculate.
'Let me drink from your friend, first,' I said.
Understanding my meaning, the second man extracted his dick from inside my pussy and, without spilling a drop, rushed to finish inside my mouth too.
His cock had the distinct taste of a woman's pleasure, and, reaching with my hand between my legs, I found that I was very wet.
Having drunk this second load, I turned around and spread my cheeks.
'Who is first?' I asked. Then, looking at the two men who hadn't concluded yet, I chose the smallest dick to enter my anus, as this opening had not been explored by large objects yet.
The cook produced some lard and stuck two fingers inside my anus.
'Oh, you whore!' I said.
'You don't want to ruin your pretty little hole,' she said.
I rubbed my clitoris nervously as she prepared me for this delicate operation. I soon forgot the strange sensation of having my anus searched and stretched. I focused on my pleasure, which was now becoming greater.
'She has a nice asshole. You gentlemen will enjoy it,' the woman cackled.
So, without another word, the third man slid his dick inside me.
I felt it enter my anus and move up, filling me in a strange an unfamiliar way.
'Oh oh!' I sobbed. 'Please don't be too rough!'
'Don't worry, darling, you'll get used to it in no time,' the cook said.
And, after the initial surprise, I felt that this region was indeed quite pleasant if well stimulated. I felt my muscles relax, and, as they did so, my enjoyment grew.
'I believe she is ready for me too,' the fourth man said.
He then lay next to me, and he helped me to climbed on top of him, while I was still being fucked in the ass by his friend.
This man guided his penis towards my pussy, but, as the other cock was stuffing me from the rear, this opening seemed tighter and less welcoming than usual.
'Get out a little, will you?' he instructed the other.
The cock behind pulled out a little, while the one in front moved in. Then, they were both in.
I then began cursing, exclaiming loudly that this was more than I had bargained for:
'Oh, you two bastards, you dogs, you filthy donkey-fuckers! Ah, you're murdering an innocent girl! Oh, my Lord Almighty! You two should dig graves with your large spades, you grave-robbers, you corpse-fuckers! Ah, ah, ah!'
Although taking good care of not pushing too hard, the two men were not relenting.
Then, I felt my body relax completely, unable to resist any longer to this assault. I felt my holes open up, allowing easy passage to these men, who were now grunting and panting, prey of the greatest extasy:
'Oh, what a great asshole, warm and tight!'
'She has the best cunt I've ever fucked!'
I could scarcely move, stuck between these men, skewered on both holes. I let them take me as they pleased, and I began to feel a great orgasm mounting inside me.
It was the feeling of being so filled and put at their total disposal that excited me so much. As soon as I forget my modesty and allowed my natural instincts to express themselves freely and uninhibited, I began to feel the greatest and most immodest pleasure.
'Ah! My little cunt is so wet!' I said.
The man behind me, filled with desire, grabbed my ass with his hands, squeezing the flesh, and rammed me harder.
As the two dicks moved in and out of me, my private parts were making a great wet, squelching noise.
'Do you like that little, dirty hole?' I asked the man behind me.
'Oh, my good God!' he cried out.
Finally, the man who was fucking my ass took his dick out and, walking around me, offered it to me.
'Suck it, suck it!' he ordered urgently.
He put it inside my mouth, then down my throat.
I instinctively felt some revulsion at the taste of my ass, but quickly my mouth was flooded with warm semen.
'Aaah!' he groaned.
The man underneath me was squeezing my tits, while fucking me with great enthusiasm.
I grabbed his face and demanded whether he was ready to come too.
'Yes, yes!' he moaned.
I moved up and down on him with great strength, so that I too could come one last time.
I then took his dick out of my pussy, and I moved down on him, stuffed that organ into my mouth and sucked it until this man too came.
I jacked him off with my hands, making sure there was no more liquid left, and I finally swallowed this fourth load.
My pussy and my ass were throbbing, sending an odd sensation that mixed pain and pleasure.
I felt weak at the knees, but I collected myself and stood up. My tits were reddened by the hard grabs of the men, and my body had the smell of all our bodies combined. The flavour of Grin and his companions was still in my mouth.
'You have received your compensation, Grin. Now deliver that letter to your master,' I said in a voice that was suddenly cold, and that reminded me of my mother.
The four men were now sitting, some on the floor, some on chairs, looking exhausted and a little lost.
The cook looked at me, and I guessed what she was thinking.
'You can fuck yourself,' I told her.
I dressed myself without any fuss and left, certain that I had learned many valuable lessons that day on how to tolerate any hostility and on how to obtain some pleasure whenever possible, without any regard for other people's intentions or opinions.