The memory of having been shunned by her masters moved Margot to tears, and she began sobbing so that she could not presently continue with her story.
I embraced her, trying to console her. She buried her face in my chest, asking for forgiveness.
'I will talk to my parents. I am sure they have already forgiven you,' I said.
I let her cry but welcomed this respite which allowed me, while I caressed Margot's hair, to ponder over what I had heard so far.
My maid told many things that surprised me. In my innocence, I had believed that pleasure could only come from the gentle engagement of those natural passages that we were provided with for coitus and reproduction, but now I could see that, not only that other passages could be used with great satisfaction, but that many physical and spiritual sensations could provoke that great pleasure which so intrigued me. It was clear to me that painful stimulation, along with negative emotions such as fear, could fuel our passions.
Furthermore, I could see that the bodily sensations, that I presumed to be derived from the direct excitement of the nerves, were under a greater influence from our emotions, our thoughts, and our desire, and, curiously, were influenced by physical stimulation in lesser degree.
Margot had clearly shown me how the act of giving pleasure to my father through her mouth and throat, which I could not conceive to have the ability to produce direct pleasure, warmed her nonetheless greatly. Also, the anticipation of receiving pleasure was cause for great excitement, as if the stimulation was already present. Finally, Margot seemed to receive such overwhelming pleasure from being roughly used, and groped, and penetrated by oversized objects that challenged her capacity, and she seemed not to desire a gentler, more moderate, and more natural style of intercourse.
How could have I been so ignorant? But, I reasoned, the volumes that I had perused in my youth, be them classic texts, natural treaties, or novels, had cloaked these facts and represented the natural instincts of the body as the authors had desired them to be – that is respectful of the proper costumes of society and of the divine laws – rather than how they really were.
But the human body was perchance a machine with its own, inscrutable laws. Or it was more similar to the elements of nature that were violent and chaotic, rather than angelic. Or, if any divine design could be surmised from its origin, this was mixed with darker forces that confused the mind with unnatural desires. Be as it may, this was what I could clearly see was at play, and I withheld my judgment: I was eager to learn more, in the fashion of some doctors who study the criminal mind, without the passion of the outraged public or the critical eye of the righteous magistrate. I was determined to observe Nature, without hiding any part of it to myself, and to understand it and accept it, even when forgiveness or absolution is possible.
I was now eager to hear about the relationship she had entered into with my tutor, as I had cause to be puzzled by this relationship.
Mr Clement was a calm and reasonable man. I couldn't see how his temperament could suit the tastes of my maid, who seemed to be much differently inclined. While he was a man of letters, devoted to reflection and mediation, she seemed to relish physical exertion, whether it be in the form of hard work, or as strong punishment.
My mind went back to my latest encounter with Mr Clement. I had asked him to show him how a man ejaculated, and he had complied by showing me, in a very cold and distant way. When it was all over, he wiped me and resumed the lesson, as if nothing had passed. How could this man be responsible for the marks I had seen on Margot's body?
I asked her to tell me about it, and she told me a story that, at first, provoked such contrasting emotions within me that I am now very much in doubt whether to tell my reader what she had recounted.
The tale of her dealings with my tutor are in fact strange and unfamiliar. Some people might say that certain events should not be recorded in the first place. When I heard this story, I was much disturbed, and I fear that the casual reader might feel the same. I was surprised and puzzled, and, at the same time, moved to disgust. If my reader is too sensitive or easily impressionable, I therefore beg them to skip to the next part, as I do not intend to cause them to be offended or to put down these pages and never pick them up again.
After my initial surprise, I have had cause to think over this narration and learn many valuable lessons, and I have decided to record it in the spirit of truthfulness. Furthermore, I believe other people will find them quite interesting, as they are uncommon and hard to accept, but true, nonetheless.
So, with this warning to my dear reader to skip this part if their sensibility is easily hurt by images that indeed belong to the lavatory, let me tell you of how my maid became acquainted with my tutor.
I could see now that Margot was now calmer, so I felt I could ask her to resume her story.
'My good friend,' I said, 'I promise I will talk to my parents, but, please, tell me how you came to meet my tutor and what passed between you two?'
She looked up at me, with red swollen eyes, and she thanked me for my friendship and for whatever help I could give her to raise her once more in my parents' estimation. At last, she told me what I was so desirous to learn.
I had been in this disconsolate state for quite some time when peradventure I met that illustrious gentleman you are familiar with, Mr Clement.
I am ashamed to say that I was sitting idly, thinking about my ill fortune, when Mr Clement approached me.
'What is wrong?' he asked me.
I looked up and was quite ashamed of myself.
'Forgive me, sir. I was resting for a minute.'
'I have been observing you,' he said. 'I believe you are not yourself of lately. You have a reputation for an industrious young woman, and now I find you in such state.'
I sighed, as I could not hide the truth that Mr Clement has so keenly observed.
'I believe I have displeased my masters, and I will be dismissed shortly.'
Mr Clement sat next to me. We were alone on one of the upstairs corridors.
'I will not enquire after your infraction, but I cannot fail to notice that you haven't been dismissed yet. Your fate might not be sealed.'
I thanked him for his words of encouragement and said I hoped he was right, as I didn't know where to go, if they dismissed me.
'I only desire to please and to improve,' I said, 'but I'm so worried about my future that I can hardly move.'
Mr Clement shook his head pitying my case.
'If you want to give satisfaction and improve yourself, dwelling on some imaginary catastrophe that might ruin you and doing the very think that might, in fact, cause your dismissal, namely resting idly all day long, will only cause that misfortune that you so greatly fear.'
I knew he was right, but my sadness was such that I couldn't pick myself up.
'What is your name?' he asked me.
I informed him that my name was Margot, to which he said:
'Well, Margot, if you truly want to make something of yourself, if you truly want to learn, I could possibly be of assistance. Why don't you finish your work and meet me in my room after dinner?'
I couldn't believe such an offer from such a distinguished and learned gentleman. I forgot all manners, and I eagerly accepted. The prospect of receiving some assistance to improve my condition lifted me immediately, and I attended to my chores, which I completed in full for the first time in many days.
My spirit restored and seeing that I was once more capable of good work, I eagerly attended the end of my supper, after which I could join Mr Clement in his chamber.
Unlike the rest of the servants who were quartered in the top floor, Mr Clement had a room of his own on the first floor in honour of his distinguished position of man of letters.
I knocked on his door full of apprehension, but also full of expectations.
Mr Clement welcomed me and asked me to sit at a table. He then asked me whether I knew how to read and write.
I informed me that I had received a good education at a religious institution, and I could read and write.
This pleased him.
'It will make the work much easier,' he said.
'Do you know Latin?' he asked me.
'Only in that I know my prayers and hymns.'
'Latin is the greatest foundation of all knowledge. All languages can be learned if one knows the Latin syntax. Furthermore,' he added, 'you would have access to the thoughts of great minds such as Cicero, Seneca, and Virgil. I believe this would be a great place to begin your education. I could teach you, if you wish. What do you think?'
I told him I was honoured for the offer, and that I was very much looking forward to it.
Then, he gave me a sheet of paper, a pen, and ink, and he began to dictate:
'Rosa, that is a rose; rosae, which indicates that something is "of" the rose; rosae, which means "to" the rose…'
I wrote diligently.
'This is but the first of the five declensions. Is this clear?'
I said yes.
'What is a declension?' he demanded.
I said I didn't know.
Mr Clement was now quite cross:
'Why did you say it was clear, if it wasn't?'
I apologised, but Mr Clement picked up a cane that was resting in a corner and hit me on the back with it.
'The only way to learn is this, in my opinion. Of course, I am not always allowed these methods, which is why students learn nothing nowadays. But,' he added, 'I know that with you it will be different.'
I told him I was very eager to learn, and that I understood that he had to act in the most apt way to this end.
'Very well, then. As I was saying, A noun's ending changes depending on the noun's syntactic function. These are called cases, which are the words you have been writing. All nouns in the Latin dictionary are divided into five groups, called declensions. So, all the nouns of the first declension will terminate with an "a" when they are subject, while the nouns of the second declension will terminate with an "us" if they're masculine, or with an "un" if they are neuter. Now repeat.'
I had scribbled what I could of this speech, but I was still struggling to make sense of it. I stuttered that the Latin language had nouns and cases and declensions. But more of this I couldn't say.
The tutor hit me once more with the cane.
'I see we will need a more thorough treatment…' he commented.
We continued in this fashion for about an hour, then Mr Clement said:
'I think this will do for tonight. Would you care for a glass of wine?'
Although my clothes had protected me from Mr Clement's attacks, my back tingled from the caning, and all the work we had done had tired me, so I happily accepted that restorative.
Mr Clement poured me a drink, and I quickly drank it, thanking him greatly for the lesson.
I expected him to dismiss me, but he signalled me to stay.
'I believe you can learn,' he said, 'but it will take some effort.'
I apologised for not being a better student.
'No matter, no matter,' he said. 'I'm happy to assist you with your education, if this is what you seek. If you're ever dismissed, you might even become a tutor, if you have the proper knowledge.'
As he spoke, I felt a great urge to relieve myself and to pass the liquor I had been poured, but I didn't want to interrupt.
As the gentleman spoke, I now began to feel this need grow greatly, so that I could not restrain myself any further.
'I beg you to grant me leave,' I said.
But I now realised I had waited too long and that this urge could not be contained.
'Please, good sir, do you have a chamber pot?'
Mr Clement produced this item from under his bed, and, much ashamed, I lifted my skirts and urinated into the pot before this gentleman.
'What's happening here?' my tutor asked me.
'Forgive me, it must have been the wine,' I replied.
'I confess that this sight much perturbs me,' he said.
In fact, I saw that he appeared in some discomfort.
'Look here, Margot,' he said, 'I am now so hard I too need to relieve myself.'
He unbuttoned his trousers and showed me his dick.
'Would you like to help me?' he asked me.
I was very much obliged to this gentleman for his help, and said I would be happy to assist, and that this would be my payment for his services, if he allowed me.
He found the idea very congenial.
'Please show me the place where I hit you,' he asked me.
I undressed and let Mr Clement admire my back, which bore the signs of my punishment.
'Yes, yes. Very red indeed,' he said. 'This is another sight that excites me very much.'
If this sight pleased his eye, I told him I granted him licence to add to this.
Mr Clement then hit me a couple of times on my buttocks.
This sight inflamed his desire, and demanded that I sat on top of him, as he could not hold it in for much longer. He quickly disrobed and finally arranged himself to be squatting on the pot chamber I had just used.
I accommodated myself on his thighs. I was surprised when this gentleman placed his dick inside my anus, rather than my vagina. It was a small instrument, and it fit inside this cavity with much ease.
Mr Clement asked me if I needed to urinate again and was saddened to hear I had already relieved myself completely.
'Pity. Next time you will hold it in until I'm inside you,' he said.
I promised him I would.
Then, he pushed a few times, and, as he did, he cried out that all pupils are filth, and that they all ought to be punished. Finally, I realised he was defecating into the pot.
'It's big and bad!' he cried. 'Oh, how it pushes.'
Then, stimulated by the pressure of the movement, he came inside me.
I found these arrangements quite strange, but we have met in this fashion almost every night after that first encounter. The only difference is that I always pissed while I was already being penetrated, and that, since the stimulation offered by his dick in my anus was insufficient to please me, I masturbated as he filled my behind, which granted us mutual satisfaction.
I was much confused by what I had heard. I could see that my tutor had poisoned the wine and very much seduced Margot. I could also see that his appetites were quite unnatural and peculiar, but, it was possible, the way other people copulated might have appeared quite strange to him as well.
What surprised me most of all, however, was that I was certain that my tutor was thinking of me while he punished Margot, that he had been secretly dreaming of showing me his dissatisfaction with his student, but my station had prevented him from doing so. Also, I was very much surprised that he had been able to keep these strange fantasies a secret, and that I had never divined his annoyance or his strange tastes. Up until that point, he had appeared to me a very sober man. How wrong had I been in this estimation, I laughed to myself.
I then spoke to Margot. I promised her that I would speak to my parents so that they forgive her.
'This would mean you will not have to fear being dismissed, and that these lessons with Mr Clement will no longer be needed.'
Margot thanked me for the interest I was taking in her and told me she very much hoped that my parents' faith in her could soon be restored. But she also added that she enjoyed these lessons with Mr Clement, as she truly wanted to better herself and she had quickly acquired a good grasp of the Latin language. In fact, she hoped he would teach her Greek as well.
Finally, I advised Margot that most of the punishment she had endured didn't seem justified, and she probably had just cause to complain. Firstly, my mother had certainly given Margot too many linens to mend; secondly, my father was more at fault that Margot, in that he was her superior, and she had acted in response to his demands; and finally, it was unreasonable of Mr Clement to expect her to know the Latin morphology and syntax without ever been truly taught.
'My dear Margot,' I said, 'I believe these people have taken advantage of you. You have not wronged anybody, and you shouldn't have taken the punishment.'
The maid, however, replied to me that:
'I was raised in the Christian faith. The Bible teaches us we're all born in sin, even though newborn babies haven't neither truly nor directly committed any infraction towards God and his Church. And yet, we are taught that we all must repent and suffer for it. So, my lady, I am used to not knowing why I get punished, but to submit none the less.'
And uttered this sentence, which gave me much to think about, she got dressed, thanked me for what I had done for her, and left wishing me a good night.