Blessed is their heart, flex and a cut, that is above, between, beyond and across the world. Above this heart rests another organ, whose purpose was not yet known, and whose function was not yet understood. Though what it served was of little relevance.
When everything that has a beginning has an end, the moment will be upon us and our salvation will come forth, as we all move in unison, unified in spirit. Those who serve may receive grace, though others might perish forevermore.
'Imagine,' it said, 'a river that runs uphill, an ocean flowing downward towards infinity.'
Let this be our final testament, a legacy, an epilogue. Let this be how it all begins and ends, let us all celebrate, praise, glorify and worship.
─ The Second Anarchist
To bring destruction to all creation and recreate it anew was Vadim's idea of an ideal paradise. Through the perpetual cycle of death and rebirth, all beings could learn humility. Destruction meant purification. Purification meant reparation. Reparation meant transmutation and transfiguration. All creatures who breathed could bask in glory and revelry until every atom was crushed into dust. Every being would rise from its ashes to start anew. Because as things stand; it is all a cyclic existence, a constant renewal. Thus, life continues forevermore.
We repeat ourselves constantly throughout eternity whilst living separate lives simultaneously. It never gets easier because it only grows harder. Every single time, the hardships increase tenfold while joys become fewer and further between. But so do we grow stronger in turn.
Everything exists solely because there is balance somewhere. Whether or not people realize they are experiencing equilibrium or imbalance at any given moment depends largely on them individually but also partly based upon whether one views situations objectively or subjectively, whether one chooses to view oneself objectively or otherwise determines whether they will experience either easeful or uneasy feelings under circumstances.
Every soul yearns for peace—so few actually attain true harmony... Still, those who try most ardently achieve greatest tranquility. Only when one finally learns that total perfection does not exist in this material realm will serenity come naturally instead.
These were the words told from Vadim to Alice, as in a lecture or a class, the boyish-girl-like-something with no gender stood as they taught her things that would have never crossed her mind in her entirety of being alive.
For what may be the first time in her life, Alice found herself able to relate to someone else completely and totally unlike herself: One who shares many similarities between them such as appearance but differs greatly when personality traits like behavior come into account.
"You see, this fleshly planet, the home of some, was born from pure chaos and discord." Vadim explained, "But what matters isn't necessarily its genesis nor origin story. What makes everything worthwhile is how you handle the cards fate deals you," The words flew about fluently and elegantly, noble as can possibly be. "Indeed. If everything were perfect then our world wouldn't need art nor expressionism." Alice agreed wholeheartedly albeit somewhat reluctantly since she still didn't fully grasp the concept.
"Mister... erm... ma'am? What do I call you... huh?"
"Just call me Vadim, for that is my identity."
Alice stared at Vadim for several seconds trying to process what this person just told her, confusion clearly evident upon hearing those words come forth. "And... you're..."
"Hm?" Vadim tilted their head with a smile and closed eyes, their tophat slightly tilting too. "...am I..? Or aren't I? Which is the right answer? Hm..."
"Well..."
"You don't know much about me yet but soon enough you shall know me intimately," They stated nonchalantly before quickly returning to their previous topic at hand. "Anyway! This place was created through absolute entropy and randomness. A true miracle if I've ever heard one! Don't misunderstand my intentions though! Not everything comes out exactly how it initially intended... take Zabulus for example. He..." Vadim wiggled their left index with a coy smirk. "Is merely a tool for a bigger plan, to corrupt a bigger picture. To... bend the narrative of reality to my will...!" Their left eye glew bright red for a second and the ground rumbled beneath their feet causing small crags to appear alongside it while Alice stared in awe.
A thought suddenly popped inside Alice's mind prompting her question: Aren't these kinds of characters usually appearing specifically so that bad things can happen later down the line?
"Yes! Indeed they are." Replied Vadim promptly upon seeing this look plastered onto her countenance. She wanted nothing better than answers regarding everything thus far including herself plus others involved directly or indirectly around her currently which obviously included the aforementioned Zabulus fellow whom happened to get roped into all sorts going ons alongside everyone else caught within its wake due simply to sheer proximity alone rather than choice regardless whether willing participant or unwilling victim alike!
"Their relationship could perhaps best describe it akin to that shared amongst siblings separated by time apart; however given lack thereof necessary prerequisites required for familial bonds development between two persons sharing similar genetics coupled together with the aforementioned inability of establishing meaningful connections outside immediate surroundings thereby, it ends with just an odd pairing coming together despite differences preventing establishment meaningful rapport... anddddddd! The parade continues past this sentence until it reaches page thirty nine point five zero zero four eight six hundred twenty-one million seventy-two thousand sixteen nanoseconds per century approximately forty seven quintillion years from now ending sometime halfway between today tomorrow yesterday plus whenever afterwards maybe somewhere possibly nowhere ever anywhere everywhere ever anywhere anytime whatsoever henceforth... Sanity is only a figment of imagination; nothing lasts forever except those fleeting moments we choose to remember forever... or forget eternally depending entirely on the perspective perceived by the observer relative self versus universal clockwork... It seems impossible but life does end eventually even if seemingly unending loop goes round continuously ad infinitum till eventual cessation occurs resulting in the eventual heat death of the universe." Vadim spoke, words of deep philosophy, spoken with a voice lacking in emotion.
A voice that sounded like a robot trying its hardest to mimic speech patterns typical among humans albeit failing spectacularly in terms delivering proper inflections pertaining emotional connotations associated with specific phrases utilized within context provided via conversation engaged presently. Too fancy... were they simply just a smartass or...?
"Anddddd not to forget, you, my fair lady, are absolutely mad! Mad I say! In the nicest of ways. Hunger. Ravenous hunger that transcends hunger itself, and the endless void of existential dread that fills your being. Your brainwaves resemble those of someone who has gone mad with power and wants nothing more than absolute control. Absolute devouring of the very fabric of reality... you remind me of a friend, however I dare not spoil the fun. Ohhh yes, you are indeed special and unique~! Absolutely wonderful I tell you. Such beauty is truly wasted upon such depraved individual... ohooo~!!!" Vadim's excitement grew as his bodily movements grew wilder as he talked about Alice in third person despite staring directly into her face making awkward gestures midair using various limbs whilst flailing wildly, eyes bulging wildly and simultaneously changing colors rapidly flashing brightly occasionally shooting sparks flying everywhere striking randomly nearby objects igniting minor fires occasionally bursting spontaneously burning furiously violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently violently~~~~~!!!!!!!!
"Ah!" Alice jumped back, startled after realizing fire had started spreading rapidly consuming everything flammable. All the fleshly walls and floor had been burnt to something akin to charcoal.
"Oh... I'm... very sorry about this." Vadim apologized, taking their tophat off as they bowed to her as a gesture of apology, their dark-blue hair reaching their chin with smooth bangs. Their eyes were now dark-brown like the ground beneath them. "Sometimes I tend to overreact in certain instances... My enthusiasm often overwhelms me... Forgive me..." They grimaced and scratched the back of their head nervously looking away in shame.
"Uhh..." Alice tried responding without offending anyone present including herself but failed miserably resulting instead with utter silence engulfing the entire vicinity with a misplaced awkwardness filling the area with a stifling air accompanied by an overpowering odor emanating from the scorched remains surrounding them both.
"Don't fret," Vadim added hastily, noticing her discomfort. "This world has yet to reach completion, the fact it is not yet finished is the very proof of its perfection, as all things in life have their own sense of beauty and elegance within their own rights."
"Eh? Weren't we talking about something else...?"
"I don't remember anymore."
Alice sighed exasperatedly. It didn't help matters that her hunger pains were beginning to act up yet again making matters increasingly difficult to focus properly on the current conversation underway. A pulsating migraine was beginning to set in slowly, as she nearly fell down to her knees, but she managed to keep herself up straight.
"Oh... dear, I believe the smoke has gotten to your head."
Vadim spoke quickly before stepping closer towards Alice extending their arms outwardly in order to offer support which she promptly accepted graciously allowing herself to be escorted back to safety away from the growing flames that were quickly engulfing everything in their vicinity.
"H-hey..." Alice said as they walked away, "What... Do you know about Zabulus? He... seems familiar somehow..."
Vadim paused briefly as they turned around facing her once again, raising their eyebrows curiously, their expression unreadable. "I... suppose... that you could say... that he was a part of my creation. But he was not the main goal of my being. Rather, my being itself, and my existence is a catalyst that I have created. A mere side-effect, if you will, a ripple in the ocean of time that will eventually cause great waves, like many things will. Zabulus is nothing but a mere puppet in the grand scheme of things, as is everyone, and everything. Everything exists solely because there is a reason for it, and the reason for existence is for it to end."
"You... are y-" Alice had likely noticed by now, but whether her guess was wrong or right...
"I am perhaps, or perhaps I am not, the creator of all. But perhaps it is not that simple. For I may or may not exist, nor do I know who or what I am. I am a product of an experiment gone horribly wrong, and yet I exist. Some called me mangled, some called me a messiah. I know not who they were, but the fact that they called me a messiah, perhaps, I was not. For there are none in the worlds who would believe in such things as God and the devil, and all of existence is merely an illusion, and all of it will crumble, eventually, Alice. I must tell you. Do not mingle with those of his kind, as charming as they may be, they exist equally as evil. And your home lies not within this blue void, but perhaps another plane where you and your kind will meet once again, eventually."
"Wh... what... are... you talking about?"
"You have not yet seen the end, and thus you are not ready for the truth, Alice." A genuine smile was on their face. "In fact, your name may not even be Alice."
"W-what?" The girl's face turned white as a sheet. Her eyes grew wide open with fear.
"There is no reason why one such as myself would ever call someone by their real names unless it serves some higher purpose, such as ensuring their loyalty. Names have power after all." They chuckled softly, almost seeming to mock her reaction.
The girl looked down at her hands, trembling uncontrollably. Tears began streaming down her cheeks falling to the ground where she knelt crying. Whether it be because she was overwhelmed, or whether it was because she knew Vadim had a point. "How could I ever hope to find out anything if everything I believe is nothing but a lie?!" Her heart raced rapidly causing a massive migraine that pounded relentlessly throughout her entire being.
"Oh, but do not be mistaken. Truths are to be found, Alice. You are simply misguided... by that eyeless, nameless bastard. He was supposed to lead you astray... yet here you are, on the verge of losing your own sanity completely, for whatever remains, counts." Vadim kneeled and held her hands as they looked at her.
"I am a broken, pathetic mess, and I have no purpose anymore, nor any meaning to exist."
Vadim sighed deeply, shaking his head slowly, clearly disappointed in the state of the woman before them, whose tears were flowing freely down her face, dripping, as if she only now had noticed what she had become. Vadim raised their eyebrows slightly while maintaining direct eye contact between the two parties. A subtle smile appeared across their features briefly vanishing soon thereafter, replaced instead with an expressionless gaze that seemed almost devoid of life altogether, yet remained focused intently upon the subject ahead nonetheless, studying her intently. "I am a liar, and I can never tell the truth. But for what it's worth, you can never truly lose your sanity, as long as you have faith in something bigger than yourself."
"Something bigger than myself? Like what? I know nothing of this world! I have lived for four thousand years, but I have never seen it. Never seen what is out there! Never seen the stars! I am nothing but an empty shell filled with endless emptiness that consumes everything around me, leaving nothing but ashes behind, and yet, I am not dead. What in the name of all the worlds am I?" Her body shook violently with rage and frustration as her fists tightened tightly clenching at her sides.
"Then you shall never see the stars, and you will never know the true nature of reality. Or perhaps you have seen the stars, and your memory is clouded by a fog of confusion, but that does not mean you have forgotten everything entirely." Vadim replied flatly as their eyes narrowed slightly at her. Their voice grew cold and distant as if speaking through clenched teeth, almost sounding irritated though not entirely angry.
"I... Just... wanted love..." She sobbed loudly as tears poured from her eyes. Her breathing grew erratic and uneven causing her lungs to strain painfully trying desperately to maintain oxygen intake sufficient enough for survival. "I just want to be happy and feel safe and secure... But... I can't be loved, I'm a hideous monster in the shadow of a human form."
"Perhaps, or perhaps not. Your perspective of the situation is merely that. Yours. And no matter what happens in life, everyone suffers from some kind of inner conflict or turmoil deep down inside their subconsciousness. The juxtaposition between who they really are versus what society perceives them to be causes immense amounts of psychological distress causing many individuals to lash out violently towards others around them without fully realizing exactly why they do so. Everyone has demons buried within them regardless of how much one might try to hide away from them." Vadim stated the obvious part of the answer that was right in front of them. It wasn't rocket science, but it wasn't easy either. Not for a person such as Alice.
"Then what is it you want out of your own existence then, Alice?" Vadim inquired calmly, tilting his head slightly downward as he stared at her with curiosity etched upon every inch of their face. "To kill yourself and die a horrible death, or to simply waste your remaining years aimlessly roaming around aimlessly in circles looking for something to fill your emptiness that you will never truly discover?" The question lingered in the air unanswered for several moments as Alice stopped her sobbing and wiped her nose on her sleeve attempting to dry her tears unsuccessfully, leaving large wet spots all across the front of her dress where she wiped off most of the water droplets that fell down from her face and landed onto her body.
"I want..."
"Hmm?" Vadim said, with a smile.
"I want to eat everyone, to eat all of existence, to consume the fabric of reality itself." She stated. Her eyes were wide, bloodshot and red as she glared directly at him with sheer hatred evident on her face.
"Ho~! That's a new one!" Vadim chuckled happily, clapping his hands together excitedly, his grin spreading even wider than usual, almost splitting their entire head in half, "But why would someone wish to consume something which they don't know anything about? Don't you think that's a little... overkill, hm?"
She didn't reply immediately, instead opting instead to glare daggers at them while gritting her teeth tightly. "Because, I am a glutton, a hungry, hungry monster. A monster that feels pain; monster, yet human."