Fear is a funny thing,It is a phenomenon experienced by all intelligent beings.
It can be considered as one's consciousness warning of the imminent dangers of a situation.
Usually one is aware of what they fear be it heights or maybe even the opposite gender.
But there are some cases in which the individual has no idea that they fear a particular outcome,most times due to denial.
What is interesting is that one cannot truly hide their fears.There will come a day in which your fears will be discovered by others.
• ——————————————————- •
Matthew was on his bed within his cell,he was contemplating on what he had been told by Maurice.
He was glad that he was given a chance to be free,the outcome he wanted was achieved but he just didn't like the fact that the Warden had manipulated it even though it was slight.
He felt the situation was not in his favor at all,from what Maurice said,he would also be accompanied by Dean.
Dean and Agnus weren't exactly Matthew's friends so he was basically gonna have two people who seem to dislike him with him.
Matthew reasoned out that Dean probably wouldn't want Matthew to be set free so even if Matthew had managed to kill the beast,there was nothing stopping Dean from lying that Agnus did.
It was at this point that Agnus walked into the cell,disturbing Matthew from continuing his thought process.
"Hey how's it going?" Says Agnus in a casual manner,like as if he hadn't just been assigned
a deadly mission.
"Why did you walk out like that? and why come back to the cell?"
"Because I could" replied Matthew bluntly.
Inmates were allowed to retreat into their cells at any point in time as long as it wasn't during a necessary activity;like chores or the assigned daily punishment of a prisoner(the flogging Matthew recieved at the beginning of Chapter 1 is an example.)
An inmate only needed to speak to their supervising officer or any and they would be able to retreat back to their cell.
The only downside is once you've retreated back to your cell,you are not allowed to come out until the next scheduled activity.
It should also be noted that the eating periods(breakfast,lunch and dinner) are not compulsory activities,but a prisoner who has retreated into his cell can choose to come out of his cell during the eating periods.
"Why did you retreat to the cell?You don't seem like the kind of guy who'd wanna take time alone."
"I'm not alone."
"We're not friends,you seem to have forgotten you attacked me and almost put us in trouble."
"I only did that to test your strength,I've heard stories of your missions,and I just wanted to see if the stories were true."
"Did you achieve what you wanted?"
"Yep,and I must say…You are really strong."
"You clearly dont fathom how powerful I am,if you did you wouldn't be talking to me with such ease,Your heart would be filled with fear,you would be requesting a change in your cell-mate."
"I see your used to people fearing you,but listen…You're not gonna make me fear you."
"Really?why's that?"
"Cuz I know how strong I am,and I know I can't be defeated quite so easily."
"Didn't I beat you not quite long ago?"
"Yes,but that won't be repeated ever again."
"You think so?"
"Yes I do."
"You're delusional."
"Okay how about you give me a chance to prove it."
"Don't tell you wanna fight again?"
"Nah I have a better way in mind,one that shows who is the better Assassin between the two us."
"Let's see who can kill that Creature first."
"I'd rather pass."
"What?"
"I don't want to."
Agnus then faces the floor and begins to wonder what to do next.
He takes in a deep breath the looks up towards Mathew.Matthew was facing away from Agnus whilst lying in the bed,Agnus was disappointed that Matthew did not agree to his challenge,soon Agnus' disappointment soon turned to anger.
"BASTARD! To think I actually had admiration for you,to think I actually thought you could be my rival,you said that if I knew your power I'd be cowering in fear of you,well listen up…your the one who seems afraid right now."
"Me afraid,haha that's funny,what could I possibly be afraid of?"
"Don't try to hide it,I can see it in your eyes.You think you're so good at supressing your emotions but word of advice bro,it doesn't work on me."
Matthew sits up straight on the bed to focus on Agnus who was currently squatting on the floor facing Matthew.
"Alright then tell me,What do you think I'm afraid of?Do you think I fear losing to you?"
"No that's not it.I think you're afraid of dying."
Hearing this Matthew couldn't help but chuckle before retreating back to his unemotional state.
"I go on dangerous missions all the time,I most definitely do not fear dying."
"That's what you say but I think that the only reason you asked for freedom was not because you actually wanted it but was because you thought they wouldn't give you,and therefore you could hold that against them as a reason for you not going."
"I see Maurice has informed you of my request.Your theory is a good one but there is one fault in it."
"And what's that?"
"Why would I take such a risk knowing that I could be killed for not partaking in this mission."
"Simple,you were aware that the government wouldn't kill one of their top agents."
"Listen Agnus,I do not fear dying.Humans only fear losing something when they are feel an attachment to it.There is no reason for me to keep on living and therefore there is no reason for me to fear dying."
"If there truly wasn't a reason for you to keep on living,you'd have never asked for freedom in the first place."
Agnus arises from his squatting position and decides to lay on the bottom of the other bunk bed in the room without speaking anymore to Matthew.
At first Matthew was sure that the fear of death was not the reason for him he rejecting the mission but after listening to Agnus,he wasn't so sure anymore.
"Could I really fear death?Could I actually just be making up excuses to avoid going to this mission?No! of course I'm not,I do not fear death." Matthew told himself.
He then rests his head on his pillow and begins to take a nap.
• —————————————————— •
Later that day,Matthew was in the cafeteria having lunch,he was on his own like he was most of the time.
He was still thinking about what he was told by Agnus,he still believed that he didn't fear death but for some reason he just couldn't shrug off the words of Agnus.
It was at this point in time that Matthew was approached by a familiar face.
Lina came over and sat with Matthew on the table he was having lunch on.
"Matt where have you been?I was worried about you."
"I'm sorry ,did you just call me Matt?"
"Yeah! it stands for Matthew."
"I'm aware I just wasn't expecting to be nicknamed."
"Do you want me to stop?"
"Do what you want,I honestly don't care."
"Alright Uhm so,where have you been?"
"Nothing really,Dean just kept me in the ice chamber for two days as punishment."
"The ice chamber?"
Matthew then realized that Dean had said that the ice chamber was only recently employed as a punishment.This meant that Lina wouldn't have an idea on what the ice chamber was.
"Just forget about it." Matthew said
"Alright if that's what you want."
There was a period of nothing but silence as Matthew and Lina quietly ate their food but Matthew could notice the occasional stares Lina was giving him.
In all honesty he didn't really care about the stares.He could tell that she wanted to say something to him but as she didn't say anything he decided to play dumb.
Matthew finished his food before Lina and was prepared to head to his cell for some more alone time.
After lunch usually came chores in Blackwood and so Matthew would usually try to finish up Lunch as fast as possible so that he could get some rest in before chores.
The only times he has failed to do so is when he was distracted by something while he ate but that rarely happens.
Matthew was about to dismiss himself from the table when his hand was held back by Lina.
"Oh!Is she ready to speak now."muttered Matthew.
"Hey uhm Matthew"
"Yeah?"
"You still haven't told me about the mission."
"That's cuz it's confidential."
"Come on,You have no idea how much guts it took me to ask you that."
Lina wasn't lying,she wasn't all too confident asking Mathew this.He always wore an unemotional grin on his face that made seem look unapproachable and scary.
It wasn't like he was doing it purposely,it was more or less instinctive for him to do so.He has suppressed his emotions for some many purposes in the past that he had adapted into a seemingly unemotional being.
"Please just tell me" begged Lina
Matthew wasn't all too sure about telling Lina but he eventually decided to give in to her demands.
"I need advice on this situation anyways."he muttered to himself.
He began narrating everything from being assigned to slay a deadly creature to his battle with Agnus and how he called him cowardly.
"Can you believe him?He thinks I am afraid of death."
"Yeah kinda."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean he has a point,I don't see why you're making so much excuses."
"I'm not making excuses,it's just that this isn't favorable for me,Dean could easily lie on me or something else could happen that could derail,it'd be a waste of time going."
"You could always ask for some source of video footage to be taken with you guys.Thst way there'd be video proof of what truly happened."
"But …"
"No buts!"Lina said cutting off Matthew.
"Listen Matthew you have a chance to be a free man once more,if I were you I'd be grabbing this by the horns.I don't see why you are so reluctant to go on this task unless you are ofcourse afraid of death."
"Me ,the demon in the shadows,fearful of death,Could that even be possible?" Matthew spoke quietly as he began to ask himself.
Mathew realized that they were right,But why?Why was he so afraid of death when he had nothing to lose if he lived or die?
His hands tremored as he searched through his past memories,searching for the reason behind his fear when he stumbled on a particular memory.