W_what does he mean? What is he talking about? Mother for his kids? Does that mean t_this young man has children?
"I have twins. Three year olds. And they lack a mother figure in their life, and don't really quite appreciate that fact. And although they have a nanny, having a mother is entirely different."
I'm trying to process this very simple information he is giving me, but it's somewhat hard.
"They need a mother figure in their life. Since I haven't met anyone who I'm madly in love with, I've decided to just marry someone who I believe can be a good mother."
I point a finger at myself with my eyes opened wide and my mouth saying, "Me? That someone is me? How? N_no, why? Why would you decide on me?"
"I believe you will make a good mother."
"Huh? How so? I literally just tried to kill myself. You witnessed it yourself. How is that an attribute of someone who would make a fine mother?" I mean his words are not making sense at all.
"That aside, I can tell you are a wonderful woman." He suddenly says, and I know I am blushing. Because that's just how I am. A small compliment from anyone would make me blush, because compliments are not something I often get. Unlike Alicia who gets compliments for things like just breathing.
"Pagne," He slides a little closer to me. It's strange. I don't know this man, and to be honest, I am somewhat scared of him. Still, there is something comfortable about his presence. "For someone who was not given much love as a child—" How does he know that?
"Did I say that?" I ask.
"You said a lot when you were drunk." He admits and I'm so embarrassed! This is why drinking is bad. "What I'm trying to say is, you grew up fine. Amidst all odds, you grew up just fine. And I believe a person like you who has faced such hardships, will be able to give love to another woman's children. Because you wouldn't want them to experience what you faced as a kid."
I don't know what to do. Truly, I've always wanted a child of my own. Over the years we were married, I and Rowan have been trying when we had the time. But right now, I must confess I am a bit relieved and grateful we don't have a child together.
This man I'm staring at, he is very strange. Does he really believe I will make a good mother? It hasn't even been 24 hours since we met. How can he trust me with his children? How can he even trust me at all especially when it is obvious I come with a lot of emotional and mental baggage.
I want to cup my face in my hands and that's when I realize his hands are on mine. They've been there the whole time and I didn't notice it.
He has huge hands.
Is it that his heart is just as huge, is that why he is so nice? He's not confessing his love for me, rather he says he believes me and will help me.
Revenge, he says.
Become a wife, he says.
Become a mother, he says…
I don't think I can do any.
I don't think I can get revenge, I don't think I can be a good wife again, and will I really make a good mother?
But he says, I can do it all. And he's saying he'll help me through it all.
A stranger.
A handsome stranger.
Duke Grand…
"Do you really think I will make a good mother for your children?" One of his hands reaches up to my face, at first I shrink back, but then I allow him.
Those soul-seeking gray eyes are upon me and he is saying, "I don't believe I could have chosen anyone better. You will make a remarkable mother."
At his words, a memory replays in my head…
"Don't you ever get tired? I want to sleep. I am extremely tired, it's been a very long day. And besides, let's be honest, why do we even keep trying to have children? Do you think you will make a good mother? You didn't even have a proper mother in your life, so how will you be able to give love to your child when no one showed you what motherly love was like? Chammy, let's just sleep tonight. I don't have any strength in me."
When I think back at it, maybe I was the only one who desperately wanted a child. He never really did. And he never believed I could be a good mother.
My husband for years thought I would make a bad mother and yet this perfect stranger thinks otherwise.
God, should I do this? Should I marry this man to take revenge? But you said you would take vengeance in my stead. Did you probably send this perfect stranger to me? Is he the vengeance you promised?
Come to think of it, I never really prayed or asked God before I married Rowan. I'm someone who always asks God before doing things.
But I was blinded by love and forgot God for that moment.
So dear God I will ask you now, please, first of all, I am sorry for trying to kill myself. And for drinking to the point of foolishness. Now please God, if this man is your way of helping me, please tell me. Please Lord sho—
*DING-DONG-DING*
That's the sound of a notification from my Bible app. It's probably my daily evening verse.
I slide my hand out of his own as I turn to the bedside shelf. I pick up my phone and unlock it. I click on the notification and it takes me into the app, and my Bible verse for the evening is Psalm 18 vs 37-42…
I pursued my enemies and overtook them; I did not turn back till they were destroyed.
I crushed them so that they could not rise; they fell beneath my feet.
You armed me with strength for battle; you humbled my adversaries before me.
You made my enemies turn their backs in flight, and I destroyed my foes.
They cried for help, but there was no one to save them— to the Lord, but he did not answer.
I beat them as fine as windblown dust; I trampled them like mud in the streets.
Is what the verses say and my eyes move from my phone to the man before me. I just got my answer, right? God literally just gave me an answer, right?!
"D_do you really choose me?" I find myself asking the question and he nods.
"I do." He reassures me. A man who God approves of…
"Alright. I'll do it."