Tw: Language
That night, Akihiko laid in his bed staring at Yukis contact longer than normal. He thought about his words, he wanted to believe it wasn't true.
How could he be that sick? We're hardly 17...
He contemplated all the possibilities, while he didn't eat that much he didn't particularly seem like he was on his death bed because of it.
Maybe it's curable. Treatable. Just because a doctor tells you something doesn't always make it true.
He sighed in frustration and those haunting calls for help from his mother tormented his mind. He hated thinking about death, he loathed it, it sent him spiraling at times and being faced with it again with Yuki both scared and worried him, endlessly.
I couldn't protect mother, what could I possibly do for him?
He wrestled with these thoughts for hours before finally beginning to type, it was well past midnight and he didn't even expect an answer. He just felt he owed him some sort of explanation, apology, or otherwise. He typed out grand paragraphs, thoughtful notions, apologies and more, but ultimately settled on,
私はあなたがこれを打ち負かすことができると信じています.
I believe you can beat this.
The second he received it, it was opened, his heart leapt a bit,
私の頭に誤った希望を置かないでください,お願いします
Don't put false hope in my head, please.
He felt his pleading words through the screen,
諦めないで下さい.
Don't give up.
He said, in his own begging manner.
君と出会うずっと前に諦めていた.
I gave up long before I met you.
Those words stung. They pierced through him like knives, and he couldn't control himself, he texted back while his heart raced uncontrollably,
出会ってからはどうですか?
What about after you met me?
This time, although it was opened immediately, Akihiko was left on read for several minutes. He sat up in bed and sighed, it was now past 1 am. He got up and laid out his clothes for tomorrow, trying to prevent himself from any possibility of being late the next day. He performed mindless tasks waiting for an expectant ping, but it never came. When 2 am hit, he finally went to bed, a deep sadness engulfing him for multiple reasons.
He woke up the next day not only gasping, but groggy. He felt sick, truthfully but he got up out of bed and saw his neatly piled clothes,
Thank you, late night Aki.
He thought to himself, expediting his morning routine. He managed to shower today, but still found himself running from the bathroom, out of breath and feeling shameful. He stood in his mirror for a moment, Yukis words rang through his head. He spritzed the cologne on, choosing to focus on the ones that made him happier.
He went downstairs, his father was once again not home.
"Amada, have you seen dad?" He questioned her as she sat at the kitchen table, munching on fruit and cereal.
"Ummm, not for a few days." She said in between her bites.
That's kind of odd, he really hadn't seen him since Saturday either.
"Alright, well, if you see him let me know please." He responded, only a hint of worry in his voice.
"Okay, I will." She said.
They walked to school together, that morning Issei was actually waiting behind for him.
"Hey, you never wait anymore." He said, "What's up and please don't tell me anything bad." He pleaded.
"Nah I just, figured you could use a friend this morning." He said.
"Aw, Issei is being sentimental again?" He held his hand over his chest, "For little old me?"
"Dude, now I'm done waiting behind for the rest of the year, I swear." He said, walking up the sidewalk towards the school. Akihiko laughed and trailed behind him. Eventually they made it to the gates, Nomi was heading into the school somewhat hastily. Issei tried to call after her,
"Hey, Nomi!" He said, but she didn't turn around. He sighed in annoyance, "Guess I'll try at lunch..." He said. Aki could sense sadness, more than anything. They walked to homeroom together, while Akihiko was putting his stuff away in his locker he saw a mysterious note. He opened it, it read,
"Please meet me after school, on the rooftop."
He swallowed nervously, stuffing the note in his pocket. He went to class, both adrenaline and fear fueling him through his morning classes. When lunchtime came around, he went straight to the courtyard to look for Yuki, but he wasn't there. He checked his normal spot in the counseling wing, but the door was open today, and no one was inside. He sighed, pulling out his phone and reading the last embarrassing message he wrote to him.
Maybe...maybe he's just waiting til after school.
He reassured himself the entire lunch period, watching from afar while Issei and Nomi had a chat in the cafeteria. He felt a sense of pride in himself, seeing them make up.
After school Akihiko skipped out on cleaning period, he went straight to the rooftops and sat on one of the benches, waiting anxiously. He pulled out his phone, still no messages from Yuki. Suddenly he heard the door open and he stood up,
"Yu-" He stopped himself, "Oh, Nomi. W-what are you doing here?" He stammered.
"What do you mean? You're here for the same reason I am, aren't you?"
"So, you put that note in my locker?"
"Yes I-" She paused, "There's something I need to tell you."
He sat back down, avoiding her gaze and she walked towards him, sitting down adjacent on the bench.
"W-well.." She began, "You see..."
He sat there, studying her curiously.
Please don't say you're in love with me.
"Well, I just-" She sighed. "I'vealwayslikedyou." She said, so quickly it came out like an entirely different word.
"You...what?" Akihiko said.
"I said, I've always liked you." Her face went crimson, she swallowed hard and kept her head down.
"But, you just dated Issei." He said confused, "It was just last semester."
"I'm not proud of myself, and I've told Issei the truth but...I dated him to make you angry."
Oh fuck.
"This isn't funny, Nomi. Is this a prank? You dated someone for 5 months, our friend of many years because you wanted to make me jealous?" His words came out harsher than he anticipated, and she immediately started to cry.
"Please, Akihiko, I'm so sorry." She begged, "I feel terrible for what I did to Issei."
He swallowed hard, but the lump in his throat didn't dissipate.
"I love you, Aki. I've always loved you. For years, but you never pay me any mind. I've tried to show you so many times."
He thought back to her countless interventions, staying late after school, helping him clean, bringing him food. And he was overcome with sadness. He hadn't seen the signs, because he'd once again been so self-centered.
"Nomi..." He said sadly, "I've always cared for you, but we're just friends..."
She cried silently for a few moments, sniffling in between her words, "Just, please...give me one chance."
A sadness pierced through him and he stood up awkwardly,
"Please, forgive me Nomi..."
He went to walk away but she called out to him as he gripped the door handle,
"Who were you expecting, Akihiko. At least tell me that."
He remained silent, that overwhelming sense of guilt consuming him as he left her sitting there, without an answer.
Make this all stop.
He left school in a hurry, arriving even earlier than Amada expected him too. He waited for her outside her school, his pride was preventing him from double texting Yuki but he couldn't stand it anymore, he opened his contact and sent the words,
どうか,お会いさせてください.
Please, let me see you.
He saw Kanada coming out of the school and quickly put his phone away. She ran up to him excitedly, "The field trip is this week I'm so excited!"
"I'm sure you are." Akihiko said, but he sounded less than enthused today with everything going on.
"What's wrong, Onii-san?" Kanada said as they started walking down the street.
"It's nothing to concern yourself with." He said, trying to shield her from the complicated world of emotions.
"Well, whatever it is it's really got you upset Aki. You shouldn't run from it." Her words more mature than even she realized,
"Heh...yeah." He chuckled a bit, she slipped her hand into his again as they walked and he squeezed it protectively.
When they arrived home Yuki was standing outside his house, he gave him a shy wave and Kanada ran up.
"Yuki! Are we cooking today?!" She said excitedly.
"Umm...not today, unfortunately. I'm just here to see your big brother."
"Oh, okay, well I hope we get to cook again soon." She said, sadness coating her words.
"We will, I promise." Yuki said and this made her smile again, she ran into the house.
Akihiko stood outside for a moment, that same silence enveloping them like the day before. He started to speak but Yuki cut him off,
"This isn't a good idea, Akihiko." He said.
"What isn't?" He looked at him confused.
"Are you not implying through your texts that you have feelings for me?" Yuki said, he didn't look at him and spoke softly.
Time seemed to stop again; Akihiko had never really thought about why he was doing all these things for Yuki. Why he kept thinking about him. Aching for his words. Craving his touch. He felt a taboo sense of shame overcome him as he realized what this might mean for his sexuality. His words fell out of his mouth in shambles,
"Well, see." He paused, "Okay maybe I-"
Fuck, get it together Aki.
He looked around, a new fear emerging as he contemplated just who might hear their conversation,
He walked up to him and gripped Yukis wrist, pulling him into the house. He struggled to slip his shoes off in the commotion,
"H-hey, Akihiko! Where are we going?"
He didn't answer, he just pulled him into his room and shut the door, ensuring the latch gave a satisfying click when he locked it behind them.
Yuki stood there awkwardly; he shuffled his feet again in that same fashion he always did under pressure. Akihiko couldn't speak for a few moments, the beat of his heart could be heard in his own ears, and he struggled to find his voice.
"Akihiko...please..." Yuki said, he looked up at him with expectant eyes, the same eyes everyone else tended to give him.
In the safety of his own room he felt the confidence to speak freely, "I like you, Yuki." He said. This made Shimadas face grow red and he interjected immediately,
"You can't..." He said, "I told you it isn't a good idea."
"Why?" Aki argued, "What's wrong with this idea, you don't feel the same?"
He remained silent for a moment, Yuki wrapped his arms around himself protectively and he spoke in a whisper, "I told you what's going on with me, why would you want a-" He paused, "A relationship with someone like me?"
"Someone like you?" Akihiko looked at him confused, "There's nothing wrong with you, you're amazing."
Those words shocked Yuki and he stammered, "B-but.."
"But what, you're sick? I don't care about that." He admitted.
Yuki swallowed nervously and suddenly Akihiko closed the space between the two of them. For a moment, both their hearts beat uncontrollably in the presence of one another, Yuki looked up at him with both a pleading and scared expression.
Without another word Akihiko lifted his chin with his hand, he gasped softly at his touch and kept his gaze transfixed on his,
"A-akihi-" he started to say his name but he was cut off by a set of lips being pressed against his own. He melted into his touch and kissed him back, his eyes slowly closed after the initial shock and for those few split seconds, they were in a world all their own.
Akihiko stepped back afterwards, his own actions even shocking him.
"Fuck, I'm sorry." He said, his own face was crimson and felt like it was on fire. His beating heart never stopped racing, but he couldn't take his eyes off him.
"A-are you sure, this is what you want?" Yuki said, a scared tone in his voice.
Akihiko sighed softly, he leaned against his dresser before he spoke, "I haven't known what I wanted in a long time-" He began, "But I know that ever since I met you, my days became brighter." He felt compelled to continue, his words finally forming coherent sentences in his mind, "Whatever I feel for you, feels right..."
Yuki just nodded, the tears in his eyes welled up again.
"Me too..." He said, quietly.
Akihiko noticed his sadness and embraced him again. For another moment, the world stopped, and they indulged in it for as long as they could.