Authors Note: This is my first original work; it is heavily inspired by Given amongst other queer anime.
TW: Blood, Mentions of Sui*ide and De*th.
I keep having that same dream again.
The one where I find mother.
Akihiko sat up abruptly in his bed, sweat encased him and his clothes stuck to his skin. His heart raced as he tried to shake the memory haunting him from his head, but he couldn't. The clock read 5:44, he was up well before he should have been. He stripped his damp shirt off and fished for another, determined to bathe even if the thought terrified him.
You can do this.
He clutched his fresh clothes tightly and snuck into the hallway, he stopped in front of his fathers door searching for a hint that he might be awake but was met with silence. He sighed in relief and continued towards the bathroom. The door creaked open with an expected sound, and he stood there for a moment, the cold air nipping at his skin that was drenched in perspiration. He swallowed nervously and stared at the tub, his hands shook unexpectedly as he turned the water on, and deep crimson liquid splattered against the white enamel. He fell back, catching himself with his hands as a weak voice called out,
"Aki"
A knock jolted him back to this reality, he shot up in his bed, panting.
"Aki are you up?" his sister called to him, "It's getting late..."
"I'm coming, I'm coming." He said, still catching his breath.
He got out of bed and quickly changed his clothes, the thought of showering a fear he just couldn't conquer this morning. He stared at his reflection for a while. His cheeks were looking gaunt, he had hardly been eating the last few months since the incident.
Fuck. Kanada.
His younger sister was only in her 7th year of school. Their father was a drunk and had a rather heavy addiction to gambling. He was hardly home, and the house likely had very little food. Especially something prepared. Akihiko ran down the stairs, his sister stood over the stove,
"It's....not very good, but it's edible." She said, staring back at him with sadness in her eyes.
I should have gotten up earlier, I should have FED her.
"I'm sure it's great, Kanada." He said, sitting down at the table. She brought him a plate with a messy tamagoyaki covering it. "You know I could have done this."
"I can do it, Aki." She said with as much confidence as she could muster, sitting down next to him. They ate in silence for a few moments before they heard a loud bang emanate from the second floor. Kanada jumped.
"Tch...so he did come home last night." Akihiko muttered under his breath. Their father shambled down the stairs unexpectedly and Akihiko shot him a look of disgust. "We have no food." He said, suddenly.
"We have plenty of food, you're already eating." His father said, his words dripping with venom. "And where's mine?"
Kanada stood up suddenly, her plate half-finished and went back to the stove. Akihikos face burned with anger. "Kanada sit down, I'll do it."
"It's fine Aki..." She said, but he stood up and placed a protective hand on her shoulder. She nodded and took her seat again.
"You, cooking?" His father laughed, "You know on second thought I would rather eat at work."
"So, you're working again?" Akihiko said, anger still tainting his words.
"If I wasn't would I be up?" His father responded.
Akihiko clenched his fist and sat back down, eating in silence with his sister as he waited for the footsteps to retreat back up the stairs.
"I miss mom." Kanada said suddenly, her words pierced through the silence and cut Akihiko, deep.
"I...I miss her too." he replied, he poked at his food and sighed softly. Kanada did the same. Their family dog Kota sat under the table, begging for scraps. "You're hungry too, aren't you Kota." Kanada said, she picked up a piece of her omelet with her chopsticks and fed it to him under the table. Akihiko forced a smile and did the same.
"Nothing tastes the same since she died." Kanada said, picking up her empty plate and rinsing it off in the sink.
And Akihiko felt that too, a deep pit formed in his stomach as he searched for the right words to say. "One day, things will be different, Kanada. I promise you."
She sighed quietly and continued washing the dishes. Akihiko helped until it was time to walk to school together.
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After walking Kanada to her middle school Akihiko turned the corner, he saw one of his friends standing just outside of the school gates, smoking.
"Issei!" He called out, his friend waved him over while he took a deep drag off his cigarette. "Akihiko, what's up man." He said.
He just sighed, motioning for the cigarette. "That bad?"
"It's the dream again." He responded. Issei avoided his eye contact.
"So, it's still happening then." He said.
"Yeah, and her death is affecting Kanada more and more, she's just a kid and she's being expected to do so much now. I just...I'm stressed dude." He admitted.
"Yeah, I bet. I can't imagine being in your position, especially with that dead beat dad of yours." Akihikos stomach dropped just thinking about him.
"Fuck him." He responded. "I need to make some money tonight, any leads?"
"Not today." Issei responded. "I have nothing to sell."
Akihiko sighed, a nervous pit forming in his stomach.
"Why don't you try getting a real job?" Issei said suddenly.
"Tch, you know I can't who will get Kanada from school or make sure she's fed at night?" Akihiko hissed at him.
"Yeah well, you don't wanna get caught up selling pot to other kids. Then who will take care of Kanada, your dad?"
Akihiko folded his arms, he leaned against the school gates and groaned under his breath, "Well I have to do something..."
"Here, take this it's all I have." He held out his hand and dropped the yen into Akihiko's palm.
"Man, are you sure?" He hesitated, rattling the coins around in between his cupped fingers.
"Yeah yeah, don't get all sentimental on me." He laughed softly, "Now let's go." The cigarette was tossed into the street and the two of them headed into school together.
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During lunch Akihiko grabbed his tray and scanned the room for Issei who was nowhere to be found. He sighed in annoyance and went to sit at an empty table alone. He prodded at his food for a while, managing to choke down a few bites before pushing his tray away. He pulled out his phone and started scrolling aimlessly when he heard a familiar clunk hit the table. A chair scooted out next to him and he looked up from his phone, "What, Nomi." He said.
"Oh, come on, Akihiko. Let me at least sit with you." She pleaded.
He looked back down at his phone,
"Why aren't you eating, are you ill?" She questioned, pointing to his barely touched food.
"I'm just not that hungry." He lied.
How can I explain that everything tastes disgusting to me now?
He just shook his head. The pleasant memories of his mother in the kitchen flashed before him and a sadness overcame him.
Nomi sat there for a few moments in silence eating her food before interjecting, "Are you still sad about your mom?"
He sat his phone down in frustration, "Are you stupid, Nomi?" She looked down at her tray and swallowed nervously, "Of course I'm still sad about it."
He stood up abruptly and went to leave, "I-I'm sorry, Akihiko." She stammered.
But he didn't look back; he exited the cafeteria and entered the hallway determined to escape anymore questioning.
Akihiko walked through the halls aimlessly, his arms folded while his mind raced with thoughts of his mothers tragic death. That familiar gnawing hunger nipped at his stomach, but he pushed it away. Suddenly, he smelled something emanating from one of the rooms in the hallway, something good. His stomach lurched again, but the thought of tasteless sustenance made him sigh.
He walked past the classroom and saw a singular student, cooking alone in the home economics classroom. He was frail looking, and much shorter than Akihiko was, with silver locks that fell just below his jawline. He had several piercings in his left ear and was leaned over a pan in deep concentration, a pair of chopsticks nestled between his fingertips. Akihiko stood in the doorway for a few moments, watching him in silence, the familiar smell of something delicious overtaking his senses. Suddenly, the student turned around to grab another ingredient,
"O-Oh." He said, softly. "I'm sorry I didn't realize anyone was here..."
Akihiko studied him curiously, "What are you making?"
"I'm practicing, really..." He responded.
"Well, whatever it is, it smells really good." Akihiko admitted, shamelessly.
The boy blushed, quickly grabbing some sliced vegetables and putting them in the pan, he sprinkled some powders on top that intrigued Akihiko, and he stepped forward to get a better look.
"So, really, what are you making?" He asked again,
"I'm practicing ideal meal composition." He said astutely, flipping some of the vegetables with his chopsticks effortlessly, he picked up a bowl and placed a perfectly round scoop of rice in the center, covering it with a light brown broth before topping it with his seared vegetables. He set the bowl down and carefully arranged pickled onions on top, presenting it to Akihiko.
His mouth watered profusely as he studied the bowl and without warning he picked up a spare set of chopsticks on the table, leaning over and shamelessly inhaling the meal in front of the student.
"H-hey!" He protested, "What are you doing?!"
Akihiko didn't respond, he continued to guzzle down the bowl, slurping the broth up until nothing remained. He sat down the empty bowl and looked at the student who blinked at him, confusion staining his face.
"Uhhhhhh?" He said.
"Eh...heheheh" Akihiko chuckled nervously, putting his hand behind his head. "Forgive me." He finally said, bowing to the student apologetically. "I just...haven't had anything that smelled or tasted that good in so long." He admitted.
The student laughed. "I could tell by the way you ate it." He said.
Akihiko laughed too, for the first time in a while.
"I'm Shimada. Yuki Shimada." He said.
"Araki. Akihiko Araki." He responded. A silence befell the classroom for a moment and the sound of the bell cut through the hallways.
"It was nice to meet you, Araki." Yuki said, "Make sure you eat more, okay?"
Akihiko stood there for a moment, watching him walk away in silence.
That was the first thing I've truly tasted since her death...
He washed his bowl in silence, reminiscing until finally making his way back to class.