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***
The next morning the house was back to normal, in the sense that there were still uninvited guests, but this time they weren't pretending to be cockroaches, running away from me with the lights on.
- Pass the pepper! - Pyro was being extremely active, and didn't look in my direction at all while we were eating breakfast.
- Here... - while Sabretooth on the other hand was extremely quiet, although she also didn't look at me. She also didn't eat like a garden shredder.
- Peter, you have ketchup on your lip. - Mystique was staring at me. She was staring, though she averted her guilty gaze when I gave her a blank stare, and took care of me in every way she could: refilling my coffee, slicing my bacon, wiping my mouth. Perhaps that would be a good thing.
- Phew... - If she wasn't in a hurry and I didn't have to communicate through the towel in my mouth. She overpoured the coffee and burned my palm. And she sliced the bacon so small I can't even taste it.
- You guys are weird. - As if nothing had happened, my neighbour, who was already sitting at the table when I came down, said.
- And you noticed that? - said NEWT with wide eyes. - Playing hide-and-seek yesterday was fun, but today it's not.
- Listen, why are you even here? - I squinted at Gabriela, spitting out the cloth.
- Winning your heart. - Osborne replied with a snap of her fingers and a wink.
- By eating food from my fridge? - I rested my head tiredly on my palm. What did she care about me? Isn't she rich? She's got to have a lot of suitors.
- I think it's because of the kisses that happened the day before yesterday. - and when did they get to be friends?
After her words, Pyro was literally on fire, Sabretooth hit the table with a force that even cracked, protesting, and Mystique reincarnated as Hitler in alarm and with a guilty face began to calm everyone down.
Such active from the morning - villains are scary. I've been having trouble sleeping the last two nights.
- Uwaaa. Hm-Kgghaa! - because of sleep deprivation, I even choked.
- Oh, there, there, there, there. - thank God, I was patted on the back and stroked on the head by good comrade Hitler, with the kindest face I've ever seen.
- Ha-ha-ha!... They're funny, aren't they, Gabs? Making such a fuss of kissing when you and I are the only ones acting like grown-ups! - What's she talking about? I certainly didn't kiss those two.
- Shh!
- Wait, NEWT, what are you talking about? You didn't kiss Peter, did you? - That's right, Hitler's got a point.
- Oh, I think I'm gonna go home. - whistling and whistling as Osborne gets ready to go home.
- I've kissed him a hundred times! - everyone, including me, stared at her in shock. - Gabs and I have been in his room two nights in a row! Tonight she promised to teach me something about the 'm' word, only I forgot, oops.....
As NEWT slapped herself on the forehead with an innocent expression, we collectively shifted our gazes back to the kitchen window, where her arse in black jeans was still sticking out of the window.
- What are you looking at me for?! You're staring at me for being so quiet, aren't you?! - Gabriela, who was stuck, kicked her legs. - I needed help in the house, so I made a deal with her.
Again, supervillains are scary.
.....
After eating breakfast, and leaving my neighbour at the window, I went to the lodge to discuss further plans. For example, who's going out with whom. I decided to take the advice of Useless, for lack of other options, and choose Hulk as Breena's date. I really hope I don't have to fight the guys for her, I'd hate for luck to decide everything.
.....
- So, Peter, Arnold, what's your choice?
- Eagle! - screamed the mountain of muscle.
- Tails. - God, if you exist, what the fuck?
On a coin, he and I decide who gets Breena, and who gets.... Suddenly. Natasha. Both were the most unpopular choices, behind Claudia, the most approachable within the show; Teresa, a lover of flirting and flirtation; Tora, for whom the most important thing is to be funny; Stephanie, simply indifferent but without the danger of being crushed and without a naturally cruel character.
- Haa... Life is a pain, why can't I be lucky for once, in the very de-... - while the coin was spinning in the air, depression came over me. Debt. Homelessness. Perpetual endangerment of property. Petty with her own cockroaches. And then there was the coin that fell against my face... - What?
I had to rub my eyes a few times to make sure, was ready to go to the kitchen to get some detergent for clarity, but realised I'd rather go blind that way.
- So Peter gets Breena and Arnold gets Natasha. - Jude said the most reverent words I'd ever heard in my life, which made my heart race.
- Hell, yes! Yes, yes! Suck it, Arnold! Yahoo! Who's the luckiest guy in town?! Peter, Aunt May, Parker!!! - chimed in with great joy.
.....
Next we repeated the choice, but on camera, where there was no arguing, no coin tossing, and my unrestrained dancing on the table.... Before you judge, I haven't had much luck these days!
- Yeah, I'm glad I'm going out with Natasha. - The only thing that could mar the picture was a small tear in the corner of Arnold's eye, who had lost five times in a row to five guys in a coin toss.
- I'm fucking happy! - I said "could have".
- Peter, expressions... - Ripley whispered sternly.
- I'm happy! - he corrected himself with a smile. However, Useless continued to be displeased, and twisted her hand. - Ah!... That's right... A date. I'll have to remember to google what Brina looks like since I've only seen her once.
- Haa... - Ripley slapped herself on the forehead. - Can you say something cute or romantic? You already have a popularity rating in one place.
- Panda.
- Eeeeeeeeeeeee?
- Eeeeeeeee what? Pandas are cute, aren't they?
- ...And why did I even try?
**Natasha Romanoff. Same night.
- Hmm. - brushing my teeth made me a little sad.
Tomorrow I'm off work, and I'll still be busy with these stupid shoots for a stupid show.... I promised to be gentle with Peter.... But if he really tries to seduce me and overdo it, then, boy, I can't take it, I'll fuck your brains so hard that you won't be able to get up for a year.
- Ha! Jackson still says Merry Christmas to me just in case. - I remembered the guy I almost gave an existential crisis to. - Ugh! Haa. If you want to play on other people's feelings, be prepared to get some back.
After I finished brushing my teeth, I took out my smartphone from my bag to check the general chat and see who got who.
- Huh? - I saw a message from Ripley saying I had a date with Arnold tomorrow.
Apparently my impression of him was wrong, he was a stereotypical gambler who went after the seemingly simple Claudia and Tora. Sorry, boy, but they're not stupid, and they'll figure you out fast.
- Erm, erm, erm, erm, erm, erm? - I saw Breena's messages in the chat as usual, full of excitement and most importantly the name of the guy she has a date with.... - Is he suicidal or what?
Or did he just not take my word for it? It's kind of... Hurtful? Well, if you survive this round, I'll pick you after Stephanie.
** Teresa Stark**
WHAT THE HELL? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stephanie and Breen in the first round?! Does he even have a chance?! Damn! Maybe I should tell the others that he's not so simple and some secret organisation is behind him, saving him from Magneto's mutants and providing a new identity with no relationship history?
...Well, or I could influence Breena and Stephanie to let Peter move on, and then he'd have nowhere to run and all his secrets would come out!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Miss Stark, you're laughing like you've taken the last slice of pizza, please stop, it's distracting from your analysis.
- I'm sorry Julia. - it's particularly embarrassing to be told off by an artificial intelligence.
**while on the internet.
- Laaaaah. Can you imagine Stark choosing to be so grey?
- She's troooooooling us, fatty! Can't you see the postirony?
- All I see is a dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. He's not even a cute, cute virgin, he's got a girlfriend, and he wants Avengers too, you dumb prick!
- Yeah, and a woman who'll even stand in the same room with him is a puppeteer!
- No, I'm a complete girl, far from beautiful, but at least I'm adequate, unlike this bastard, who doesn't know his place in the big leagues!
- Oh, these guys are all the same! Inadequate guys who want rich, beautiful, shapely and free all the time.
- I hope there's even less of him in the next episode, and I don't care how they explain it, just cut him out and that's it!
- Got a girlfriend?! Fucking lover boy, they've had enough!
- Can't the TV people see we don't like him? Let them throw him out and stop being mean to their viewers!
- Let's petition for him to be replaced, girls.
- More wet T-shirts! Let the contestants wear only wet, tight clothes at all times! And no underwear!
- Oh great moderator, may Peter Parker get hit by a bus between episodes, amen!
- Um... Isn't that a bit much? He's a 16 year old schoolboy, why would he want to die?
- Exactly, and I liked him. A normal bloke, not someone's wet fantasy in the flesh.
- The two above, were you even asked? Are you blind and can't see the thread? People here don't like this "normal" boy, so keep your opinions to yourself, okay? And as for "too much", my dear, is this your first day on the internet? People have the right to express themselves freely here, and it's not for you to deny us that right, okay? Anyway, I'm not going to argue with you, you don't have to spray your toxicity on me. And on the topic, then such a betrayal from my favourite show, I did not expect, I will quit watching, as well as many others, and then let them learn on their own skin what is the people's anger, I hope everyone there will go broke and starve, and this Pider, I will be glad if he is now reading everything and roaring. Best wishes to all, kisses to all.
- Well done mate, you rolled them!
- That's a lot of words. Not much point.
- Oh, one boy's having a hard time! Do you think he'll be going to the box soon to complain about bullying, lol!
**Peter**
- Uwaaa... - scratching my arse, I got ready for bed. Calm as a boa constrictor, closing the windows and doors, fencing off the maniacs.
*(knocking)
- Huh? - but there was a knock. - Who is it?
- Sabretooth. - she started a little stiffly, but after a loud sigh, she spoke as usual. - Remember when we moved in here, - I wouldn't call occupation a move, but okay. - I called my duties your security. So let me protect you from NEWT and Gaby at night.
- Thanks for the offer, but I'll be locking myself in from now on. So I'll be fine.
- No! How do you think a flimsy door like that is gonna keep someone out.
* bang *
*♪ crack ♪
* more cracking *
- There, see? - said a concerned Hairy with my door in her hands, torn off with the hinges and part of the wall. Oh yes, she was holding it with one hand, the other was just hanging on, dangling through the hole after a direct punch from Sabretooth's fist.
- My door...
- Oh, you've locked the window, but it won't be any trouble at all to break it, let me pok-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o.
- Stop! - with a jerk, I blocked her way. - Please, no more demonstrations.
- So? Can I sleep with you tonight? For protection.
- Haa. Will you rape me?
- No! It's not good to rape!
- Okay. - She didn't give me much choice anyway.
I changed my clothes, switched off the light and lay under the duvet, sniffling sleepily.
- So you're literally sleeping with me? Not just in the same room, but in the same bed?
- It's not comfortable on the floor.
- Huh. No kicking, no blanket grabbing, no squeezing me to the edge, and no trying to kill me with your boobs, okay? And in fact, woahhhh. Hold on to your... Whoa. Half-...