Freedom. A word that doesn't exist in my dictionary. From birth, everyone is pressured by expectations whether that be: the best at studying, living a normal life, being rich or simply living. These were things that were placed upon you from the start from as soon as you saw the light of day.
The problem is, that it never stops. When you are born your parents wish for you to be healthy then as you get older they want you to be smart athletic, and kind then, older they want you to be rich. And as you lie on your death bed some expect you to live: hope. Or some wish for you to die your last breath so your everything can be taken. Well basically fulfilling one expectation leads to more and more until you are no longer in control.
In essence, you are never free, always chained. Breaking out of one leads to another.
Now, I'm someone who was born with more expectations, more so than anyone else. I began this world as a weapon to bring fame fortune wealth to the family through my achievements that seemed endless. I was a machine that had never failed. Yes, I was talented. Yes, I 'had it all'. But never was I given the freedom of choice to do this. Led by the constant persistence of praise and pressure, I became the 'perfection' that many sought.
At this point, I lost sight of myself trapped in my body as I watched it train, eat, sleep.
Every.
Single.
Day.
This carried on until my body gave out.
No machines could last forever. Just like mine.
A machine I couldn't control.
Now that my inner monologue has finished, I lie in this bed unmoving, my eyes scrolling down the pages of the floating screen.
This was the only time I had a chance to do something without the burden of others' expectations. The novel I was reading resonated with me.
A character who had the expectations of being a hero as he walks down a path laid by others. There was a difference though, he failed. He couldn't even face the first calamity let alone the remaining two. I scoffed.
Though realising now though, I who supposedly had never failed, did fail. With age comes wisdom they say. Where did I fail exactly?
I had failed to obtain the freedom my soul desired
I had failed to control my body, and in turn my fate
I had walked the life of the hero and I couldn't even face my first calamity: time
It seemed I had failed myself.
Not a bad thought to end on.