Maybe you're really unhappy with the way the current administration's been handling things and think you can do better. Or, chances are, you're just a preteen who has played way too much Hearts of Iron 4 and now believes they know how to be a dictator. Either way, with my three steps and advice, you're on your way to cementing yourself as a famous—or infamous—leader. So, let's begin.
Warning to Aspiring Dictators
Before we go over the three major steps, I need you to look deep down inside yourself. Ask yourself: do you have what it takes to be a real dictator?
Chances are, if you have a basic set of morals, the answer should be no. Why? Because you'll have to "unalive" a lot of people if you want to take and retain power. And no, you can't just exile them because chances are they'll come back to bite you in the ass. If you can't bring yourself to this reality, you're better off just not being a dictator. There are some people who will do whatever it takes to take and retain power—and I mean whatever it takes.
Let's face it: there's already someone in power in whatever country you're trying to overthrow. This person is called the incumbent, and they're doing a pretty good job—at least in the sense that they have the position that you want. They might not be a great person, but they clearly know how to run a government. Your job? Take them out of power.
But here's the catch: the incumbent wasn't put in this position of power solely because people like them. In fact, most of the time, people don't like them. Instead, a group of influential and powerful individuals put them in that position. This group is known as the Coalition.
The Coalition: Power Behind the Throne
Now, don't confuse the Coalition with the leader's friends. These aren't just pals they hang out with on weekends. The Coalition is made up of people with incredible wealth and influence who, together, decide who is able to run the country and serve their interests best. However, the leader is also in charge of who is in this Coalition, so it's a balance of power.
The Coalition doesn't exist for the fun of it, either. They get very handsome rewards by retaining the leadership in power. This could be in the form of tax breaks, turning a blind eye to corruption, or literal awards like cars and houses. Having the support of these people is the only way you'll be able to take power in the first place—and retain it. So getting them on your side is priority number one.
Here's where it gets tricky: you suck. No one knows who you are. You don't have any power, and you can't make good on your promises of rewards and wealth to the Coalition. So, why should they take a risk on you when they already get a comfortable paycheck from the incumbent?
Thankfully, the angels grant us an Achilles heel for leaders far and wide. And that happens to be death. It turns out dead leaders aren't very good at leading, and when they're not good at leading, they can't give out rewards to their inner circle. This is why they will do everything in their power to cover up any hints of illness or sickness they have. The second the Coalition finds out, they're going to be scrambling to look for a replacement. That's where you come in.
This is the same reason we see Putin shirtless on a horse all the time—because he's totally healthy and the goods will keep on flowing no matter what. When the news of sickness gets out, it's not just the high-level cronies that'll stop supporting the leader, but the entire military will lose their incentive to fight should their stream of rewards stop flowing.
Once the army gets wind of an impending demise for the leader, you should have a clear path to power. Suppressing a protest or riot is a lot like cleaning a toilet—you don't really want to do it because it's terrible and gross, but if you get paid enough for it, there's no reason not to.
Now, if the rewards stop flowing, say, thanks to a dead leader, they're much more willing to take their chances with someone new who will be able to provide them rewards. That's you.
At this point, you might be thinking, "Liam, I live in a liberal democracy, and 'unaliving' my opponents is really hard to do." And yeah, you have a fair point. Unaliving opponents in a democracy is a surefire way to political oblivion. But there is hope for you.
Seizing power in a democracy is no different from seizing power in a dictatorship. You just need to persuade the people who keep the leader in power that you'd be a better replacement and provide them with better rewards. Just replace the Coalition of 20 or so people with the entire voting body of the country.
In short, yeah, you're going to need policies to win over most of the people. Why do you think the US government pays over $20 billion to farmers every year? Because there are 2 million farms in the country, and they just so happen to vote. Basically, democracies are just a battle of ideas.