With a sad heart, I stop my car in front of Ariel's house and watch my phone ring. It's an odd sensation to have hope while being aware of reality. How even is that? Is there a name for that? It is a yearning for hope rather than hope itself. If only I could hope that my mother is calling me because she is missing me, that would be something. A little sigh slips from my mouth. Even after I turn down her call for the fifth time collect my luggage and exit the car, she still doesn't stop. When my phone eventually rings again, I brace myself and answer it. "Mum?"When my thumb touches the scanner, the front door opens. "I've been calling you for more than an hour, Arielle." She sounds agitated, and my heart begins to hurt oddly did it take you so long? I remove my coat and turn on the loudspeaker on my phone. "No matter what we did, the photographer wasn't happy with the images, thus my shoot ran behind schedule. Mom, I'm worn out. Most of your calls were placed while I was driving because I returned home right away following it."Arielle, is there not a hands-free feature in your car? Gracious God! Surely setting things up is not that difficult? I forcefully bite my lip, trying not to let my retorts out. It would be futile to dispute with her. I would be the most impacted by that, and I don't have the energy to cause myself unnecessary distress. "Mom, what are you calling for?" She pauses for a brief while. Loretta had spent the entire week in tears. She hasn't left her apartment, and every time I visit to see how she's doing, I find her sobbing. Arielle, I'm at a loss for what to do. Is there any chance you could talk to her? She informed me that you hadn't even given her a call when I asked if she had heard from you. Arielle, how were you able to do that? You are aware of her sensitivity and how much she needs us all at this very moment. I let myself a minute or two, staring at my phone before reaching down to remove my shoes. On my wedding day, Mom looked completely different, and I hoped that would mean that she would eventually realize that her treatment of me had been unfair. I ought to have been wiser. Immediately Loretta showed up she broke all of her promises to me. Everyone does invariably. "Mom," I utter cautiously. "The only reason l married Ariel is because she refused to. I'm not sure I know what you're asking of me. Days have passed, and I've lost everything. I was forced to move in with someone who didn't want me here. l had to move from my flat, the home I built and loved. What do you suppose my feelings are? How does it feel, in your opinion, to be married to someone who shuns me because I remind him of the lady he'd rather see? Do you not think Loretta should apologize to me for making me shoulder her selfish guilt? Please don't urge me to call her and offer her consolation because she is the one who put us both in this predicament. She yells, "You selfish little girl." "You're not going to change, are you? You can't be the bigger person, won't you?
Is it not evident to you that this will severely damage your bond with your sister? Because she is heartbroken and has never been adept at communicating her emotions to us, Loretta won't seek out. Arielle, you understand why that is. It is the outcome of her illness and feeling like a burden for many years. Not that Loretta isn't right; you are, too. Since both of us are aware that your union with Ariel is only transitory, why not merely try to cheer her up? Would you be so stupid as to not pick up the phone and comfort her? "Is it too much to ask her to do the same for me?" Mother sighs. "Arielle, I'm disappointed in you. Given how dissimilar you two are, I find it hard to believe that you can both be my daughters. I wish you were closer to your sister. I chuckle nonchalantly. Yes, Mom, please join the club. I'm not Loretta, everyone wants me to be but I hope l will never be like her. Staring at the ceiling, I run a hand through my hair. Mom answers, "No." "Although you'll never be her, you can strive to be at least half the woman she is. Arielle, give your sister a call. She ends the call, and I bite my lip hard to stop the tears from falling, but they still come. I feel like a terrible daughter every single time I talk to her.
I know I'd hate myself even more if I did as she demanded, but I should simply give in and comply. "Arielle." When I turn around, Ariel is positioned with his arms crossed, leaning against the wall. I can tell by the way he's staring at me that he's been standing there for a while, and I sigh as embarrassment sweeps over me and causes my eyes to briefly close. "Lollipop," he remarks in a soft voice. "I don't need your sympathy." I cast a glance at him, noting his white t-shirt showcasing his toned arms and his grey trousers. It aches to look at him. I'm sorry I want him. I detest that despite being his wife, I'm the one he wants to see the least.
Or are you just expressing sympathy for me? I'm going to assume that you concur that I ought to give your darling Loretta a call. I raise a hand and shake my head as he moves away from the wall and towards me. "Ignore it. I don't need to hear whatever it is. I try to get by him, but he stops me dead in my tracks by grabbing my wrist. Lollipop, I just had a quick question: have you had time to eat today? Should I reheat something for you? Surprised, I shake my head and blink. I shrug my shoulders and tell him, "No." "Ariel, thank you, but I just... Tonight, I'm going to bed early. With a heavy heart, I free my wrist from his grasp and flee inside our bedroom. He's been home before me this evening for the first time, and I'm sure it has everything to do with our morning talk. Even when I begged him to quit ignoring me, he kept running away. I'm breathing heavily as I make my way to our loo. Although Ariel being at home with me is something I should be grateful for, at the time, I wish he wasn't. My throat closes as a result of the intense ache that permeates my entire body from my heart. I can hardly contain my tears as I undress, hot tears streaming down my face. I make every effort to breathe through it and hold back my tears, but as soon as the shower stream touches my skin, I collapse. Not simply my mother and the suffering she still causes. It's also everything else. Why am I never good enough, no matter what I do? The sound of the shower drowns out my faint cries, and I lean against the wall, letting myself feel every last piece of pain that I try not to exhibit. My work is usually the one thing that works for me, but not today. In addition to the difficulties I'm having finding materials for my upcoming designs, I had to retake my photographs numerous times since I couldn't get my expression exactly right. Even though my mother had called, my day had already been terrible, but she made it worse. When I wish my mother would comfort me instead of asking me to support my sister, am I asking for too much? Why am I never able to take precedence over anyone? What is it that makes me so unworthy of that? Why, in my parents' eyes, am I never able to measure up against Loretta? From Ariel's perspective?
What is it that I'll never have and she has? Why does my finest work so poorly? I can't help but feel defeated, and I can't stop crying even though I'm having trouble breathing. Ariel can hardly bear to be near me, even if I married him. Now that I'm his wife, our friendship was the price we had to pay for that status. and I have a good feeling that the long-term cost will be far higher than that. It will also be detrimental to my tenuous relationship with my parents and Loretta.