My sister Charlotte surprised me, covering my eyes from my back. I smiled internally, she always used to do that, i'm actually surprised she asked to see me today.
We look like two siblings but it's more dramatic than that. Nobody would know so it's not their fault. I wish someone would just save me right now.
Charlotte is wearing a pink top with stars on it, along with a deep blue jean. She laughs and put my notebook on the side to sit just next to me. I'm silent as a stone, in fact I am a stone, the utility of a stone. She smiles was she opens her weird long mouth to speak, the same weird mouth I have.
Charlotte : So it's today right ? You will leave today ? But can you tell me again why exactly ?
…
The mood was becoming more and more disturbing, the sky, everything in sight for the both of us on this bench seemed to collapse. A ray of light comes to us in this park full of trees and shades.
I turn and look at my sister in the eye, her magnificent eye which has the same color as mine. In her eye, i don't find any trace of judgment, only beautiful black irises with small brown touches, seemingly hiding deep love, her pupil dilates for some reason as i stare at her.
I take a look at her other facial features, her little mouth moves frenetically, opening and closing, but I don't hear a single noise coming from it (or any other sounds truly)…
My gaze goes on her round nose, her round cheeks, she's a work of art and i notice her shaking my shoulders with a shocked expression. My gaze blackens. I see her short black hair moving behind her as she shakes me. Stoicism had its limits after all.
Alexandre : I feel embarrassed, my life is embarassing now and… I'm sorry that… Sorry that I'm always silent, I never wanted to choose between you and her I imagined how beautiful our lives would be with you, me and her and i began to completely lose it in the process when I saw I couldn't achieve any of this and that my bright future I envisioned would be crushed like all the dreams I ever had since birth it was always less entertaining less fun life was always less fun than I imagined you gave me love but I preferred the love Irene (a stranger) gave me and I feel so bad for it and wanting to abandon you even if i feel bad about it is it really enough will you really understand my reasons the fact that I prefer Irene to you my own sister and I'm willing to abandon you forever and never see you again the truth is that the contrast between you and her was so blatant that I had no choice but love her more the only thing i can do for you is give you money im willing to give you everything i possess for you to forget me because i'm conscious that i'm the worst big brother you could have i wish you could just replace me to find someone who would love you for who you are and place you above everyone else i was always jealous of your little boyfriends but internally i was so happy for you when i saw you smile it was my favorite sight until i fell in love and completely obsessed over a foreign girl named Irene who just had looks and personality Irene never helped financially she could never afford any of it im so pitiful and in the end if i find Irene i will pity you and ill come back for you to forgive me i will be genuine but nothing will erase the fact that I abandoned you in the first place and nobody in their right mind would do that.
This felt too personal and I had to write forgetting all about grammar. Anyway, Charlotte's response surprised me even more greatly than my sudden rage against myself.
Her hands were still resting on my trembling shoulders, my face full of tears, she sincerely smiled at me.
Charlotte : Your attitude shows me you care about me more than anyone ever did, and don't you stress over petty little things as choosing over loves (this echoed in my mind) *she smiles* I know you always stressed over protecting me when our mom died *a tear runs on her cheek* did you think i forgot about all the times you saved me from bullies and weird guys ? Did you think all these memories, these good actions were going to vanish from my mind ? (For the first time in my life, i feel like being the little brother) You reap what you sow my beloved brother (Oh yes… my… my name was Alexandre, not Hyacinthe…) *she cries, we both tremble* I bet you didn't know i knew you so well, in fact… *a hand on my face, she touches my forehead gently with her finger* you know me the best and I know you the best, I saw you change to who you are now. Through your obstinations and the loss of your voice, i saw it through, even the fact that you think yourself alone is alive, through all your stupidity I was here.
I can't anymore, I can't advance, in my eyes beautiful white wings grew on her back so slowly, it was all blurry. I just have the energy to hug her tight and kiss her cheek and neck.
Charlotte : I remember when we were children, how you always smiled, always sharing your joy with everyone… I wish everything would go back to how it was but… because I'm your sister I understand how much you liked Irene.
In her arms I began wanting to float…
Where was this serum of happiness,
On the top of a mountain of stress,
Our moans the real sound of our throats
I felt an intense pain surging from my brain, near the complete blackout I fell on my sister's shoulders still conscious.
I dreamt for a bit. Alexandre dreamt for a bit, he was sad for he knew someone else would wake up in his stead and he couldn't change the events that will take place.
I remembered Charlotte playing with me, when I first presented Irene to her, they instantly liked each other. It was a first as Irene didn't like much people, this was due to her thinking she was secretly better than anyone but they couldn't understand.
We all have our difficulties in life, behavior that just WE will understand and justify, nobody can communicate real emotions to another nobody, I fell in love with Irene because she understood me the best and that's rare.
Alexandre… I felt like I wanted to protect my sister.
Hyacinthe… I felt like I wanted to protect Irene.
Both Hyacinthe and Alexandre resides in me but I'm bound to make a choice, leave or stay. I truly hated this manichéen world.
Anyway, I always thought that one shouldn't be affected by events we couldn't have an impact on, so I endured the pain.
Hyacinthe, one last word before you take control, you and me are right in our fights, you just won this time. But ultimately, you know you care about Charlotte and Irene equally but… you were the one able to make a choice.
….
I rise, there's a tear on my face and Charlotte's face on my vision, she tried to speak but i interrupt her. It's 3PM so why the fuck am I in the dark.
Hyacinthe : You are not my sister, my real sister is Irene. (Branches sounds in my ears) It always was Irene after all, even if I have to fabricate memories and lie to myself, it is this delusion i choose. Don't be shocked, you know me more than myself Charlotte so you should have anticipated this, all of this.
I look at her and open my brown eyes more to intimidate her in a pathetic way, I also envision this scene in the third person in my imagination.
Hyacinthe : Screw you.
My expression change to surprise.
Hyacinthe : But don't be sad my Dear sister, I don't make any sense. You are normal and I'm not.
I do cool gestures as Punpun would.
Hyacinthe : I am neurotic as hell, white and black I am both, yes and no I feel both, I wish I could choose you and Irene at the same time. Sometimes I really feel like I am like twelve or something, could you believe someone like me ? Edgelord unsatisfied by reality wanting to live in a beautiful fairytale !
I think she got the idea, as she just stares at me blankly. I deceived her so much, she shows me what I interpret as disgust.
I break my necklace, put down my rings and my watch, my money, everything to her.
Hyacinthe : I'm not someone to forget a promise, even more if it's a promise to myself, so take all my money that's the only way i can compensate you now. May you live a long life full of happiness surrounded by beautiful people.
I couldn't calm myself, i trembled everywhere as I walked away. Charlotte was still on the ground looking at me. Maybe she just wanted me to be happy, maybe not. How much I wanted to go back, her silence was horrible. All this nonsense about having two personalities, I was so ashamed, the truth is that Alexandre and Hyacinthe are both the same inside me.
When my actions are good it's Alexandre and when they're bad it's Hyacinthe. Pitiful.
As I'm a coward, I glance one last time at Charlotte in the distance, she's still as a statue. Will she forgive me… I cry now and she cries.
We cry.
I wave.
She doesn't wave back.
I love her.
She loves me.
I don't understand her.
She understands me.
Silence.
I hope she forgets me.
Just a silhouette going away.
Replaced by a more suitable man.
At her side.
Charlotte's angel wings are still moving slowly.
Don't you ever follow my path.
I wish you eternal happiness.
On the first steps of my journey,
I saw a woman as beautiful as Irene.
I wish you eternal happiness.