"Little stick."
Josh's voice was a whisper.
The needle pricked my skin. The injection was over while I was still trying to force my eyelids open.
My head ached. I raised my hand. It felt heavy. I lowered it and tried to get my bearings.
"Lay still. You fractured your wrist. I've splinted it. You have a knot on your head where you hit the column."
"What?"
My eyes flew open. I immediately regretted it. The room was bright. I was on the floor. Joshua was leaning over me, checking my pupils.
"Quiet. Did King tell you the rules?"
I realized I was naked, and my brother-in-law was way too close for comfort. I tried to sit up, but he pressed me back with a hand on my shoulder. I looked around. The room was stark. The lights overhead glared. Mirrors covered the walls. No matter where I looked, my image stared back at me. Cameras hung in each corner.
"Shh, Teela. It's alright. Your injuries are minor. Do you know where you are?"
I shook my head once. The anxiety I'd felt before was returning.
"You are in the reflection room. Mom sent you here. You'll stay until she lets you out. No talking. No acting out. Lay or sit here quietly. The longer you can maintain control of your actions, the sooner she'll let you out.
"Directly behind me is a portable toilet, but you won't use it much. No food or drink."
"Clothes?"
"No."
"Can you get me out? Please."
"Sorry."
Tears stung my eyes. I didn't want to do this. And my head and wrist both hurt. None of this felt fair.
"I've got to go. I'll be back in the morning. Remember, no talking. Stay calm. Pretend I'm not here if you can, or Mom might start your time over."
"How long?"
Josh shrugged and gave me an apologetic, sad grin of encouragement before leaving.
I listened as he padlocked the door from the outside.
I lay there for a while, letting my eyes adjust to the light. My head throbbed. So did my wrist. I tried to lay my arm across my stomach. It helped some, but not much.
I recalled King talking more than he usually did. I remembered refusing to undress and falling.
Who had undressed me? Please, not Josh, but at this point, it would be better if it were Josh, I supposed. He was a doctor. He'd seen a lot of nude people, and he'd definitely seen me, so what was the difference if he undressed me or saw me naked now?
It could have been King, but that was still embarrassing. While we slept together, I'd never been totally nude with him, and he didn't like me. Married or not, he didn't want to see me that way. Besides, there was a difference between undressing in front of a spouse willingly and having it forced upon me while I was unconscious.
The room temperature was comfortable. A little warm if anything. Warm was better than freezing.
I sat up and scooted across the floor until I had my back against the cement wall. The mirrored walls reflected my image back on me. The only sound was the motor on the cameras as they adjusted to a better position to watch me.
Who was monitoring me?
Under the best of circumstances, it was Lettie. Let her see I'm following the rules. Then she'll let me out of here, but I could imagine she had the cameras streaming on the media room TV. The entire family might be sitting around, munching popcorn and sipping drinks while watching to see what I would do next.
I fought the urge to give them the finger with my good hand.
Would they record my experience and pull it out to remind me of how helpless I was in the face of all the power the Heavenly family wielded? Or would they use it some other way? To blackmail me into giving up parental rights to any children I might have.
No, that would never happen because I would never let a child of mine be raised in this household. I'd intentionally lose the baby before I would let that happen.
Hmm. I wasn't even pregnant yet, and I was already worried about so many what-ifs. It wasn't a good sign.
The lights flickered out. A message streamed across the mirrored wall.
Whatever you do, wherever you go, someone is watching.
Whatever you do, whatever you say, someone is listening.
Privacy is an illusion.
Self-control is power.
Restraint is vital.
Nothing is more important than the Heavenly family.
Everything you do reflects on the family.
The messages repeated, and with each repetition, the words were larger, the lights brighter until the mirrored wall was filled.
The marquee blinked out. The words disappeared.
The room was pitch black and endless. I considered trying to find the door, but for what purpose? I knew there was a padlock on the other side.
Be still. Be quiet. Be calm. Josh's advice came back to me. I closed my eyes and focused on breathing in and out. I emptied my thoughts and willed the tension in my body to ease.
Float on the darkness. Make it my friend. I had a plan. I could do this.
I had to do this because I planned to get out. Not just out of this room but out of the Heavenly family. I'd leave this room and go upstairs. I'd recover my new phone from where I'd hidden it in a box of tampons. I'd call Bea, and together, we would escape.
Even if I had to live on the streets, it was better than this. Anything was better than this.
The lights flashed on, temporarily blinding me with the brightness. My eyes watered. I hid my face in the crook of my arm until I could stand the light.
The process repeated. Again and again.
Whenever I found my center, the room went from light to dark. From dark to light.
I tried to time the changes by counting, but as best as I could determine, the changes happened at random intervals.
In time, I needed to relieve myself. I stood. Vertigo threatened me, but I overcame it.
The portable toilet had a roll of toilet paper hanging on one side. It could be worse. There could be no facility to use.
I didn't relish anyone watching me, so I timed it. I walked around the edge of the room. The motor on the cameras whirled as they turned to follow me. I stopped next to the toilet, took a good look at where the paper was in relation to the seat, and noted the seat height.
The lights flickered off.
As soon as the words blinked out, I squatted, letting my waste stream into the bowl. I finished my business and shut the lid, returning to my position beside the unit where I stood until the lights flashed on.
Rinse and repeat. The process must have gone on for hours.
Would it be held against me if I paced the room? I needed to move or sleep. This being still business made my body ache.
My stomach grumbled. How long had it been? Would Josh be back soon?
Even though I knew he would bring a syringe with him, I looked forward to his return. At least then, I would know it was morning again.
I wished I had run away with Bea when I saw her. With my skills, I knew I could create a new identity.
Who would I be if I started all over again? Stronger, for sure. Free, absolutely. And I'd have a smoothie every day. There were so many smoothie flavors to experience. I could travel the world like Bea did and try them all.
Or I could lock myself in a room with a computer and a good internet connection and make the Heavenly family regret ever having fucked with me. No, maybe not lock myself in a room. I never wanted to experience a locked room ever again.
The lights returned. My reflection was blurry. I waited until I could see myself clearly and assessed what I saw. I looked washed out. I had dark circles under my eyes. My hair was messy. I tried to run my fingers through it and smooth it into some semblance of order, but I needed a shower and conditioner to do much with it.
I was pretty once—no more. The woman looking back at me was too thin. Her face was pinched and sad.
Lights out. Those stupid words returned.
Whatever you do, wherever you go, someone is watching.
Whatever you do, whatever you say, someone is listening.
Privacy is an illusion.
Self-control is power.
Restraint is vital.
Nothing is more important than the Heavenly family.
Everything you do reflects on the family.
Lettie had put her boys through this. How many times? King said he was a teenager the first time the room was used, but what about Josh and Ben? They were younger. How old had they been when their mother put them in here for who knows how long.
Lettie didn't believe in physical abuse, but this was worse. This was some crazy form of brainwashing. It was sadistic mental abuse. It was no wonder Lettie held so much authority over her boys.
Lights on. It was then I heard the rattling at the door.
Josh, he was back.