My cheeks hurt from smiling, something that usually happened when said smile was a simple chore. My teeth gritted to mantain the expression as flawless as possible – not too wide, not too artificial. Simply elegant and casual, my eyes showing a natural joy without being squinted to an unflattering level.
Next to me and modestly keeping me close to him was my future husband. Hand on the low of my back, almost hovering it in a mixture of respect, unwillingness and fear. His other hand grasped my own ever so slightly, outstretching my arm so my now jeweled finger was captured by the camera.
The diamond on my finger was the symbol of the start of a new life – one I never asked for.
With the backdrop of a pristine rose garden, I could see the hesitant smiles and looks of my future in-laws, the indifference of my fiancé's siblings and the glimmer on my own parents' eyes.
With the expensive stilettos crushing my feet and the custom tailored dress keeping me from moving naturally, I stood on the stairs leading to the entrance of the Flinn Mansion and posed. I just posed.
An engagement to the elite can be quite taxing. Specially if it's only that, a chore.
"Oh, Annelise, darling" my future mother-in-law, Martha, said as she approached me after the engagement photoshoot finished. Her voice was sickeningly sweet, and her gaze seemed simply dead.
I responded with a small and gentle smile, taking the hand she was offering me.
"You look quite stunning when you try, dear"
She continued, venom dripping from her poised and warm smile, her eyes scanning every inch of my body.
Again, I smiled and let out a soft chuckle, hoping to finish it all quickly and that my act was performed nicely.
Just do as taught. Grateful. Graceful. Demure. Soft.
"Well, your choices are always the best for me, Mrs. Flinn"
"Oh! What a doll!," In a big laugh and flailing her hands in front of her face she responded, to then cock her head to the left with a sigh. " I couldn't possibly allow a bad match for my baby, could I?"
Objectively, the garments were beautiful, elegant, and fit me like a glove. In my mind, the sky blue cocktail dress and the updo in my hair felt like a costume, a sick joke.
I knew for a fact his baby, Benjamin Flinn, couldn't give less of a flying fuck about how I looked.
In a world of transactional relationships, all we had to do was follow the guidelines. For the reat of the festivities, we did.
A young, beautiful, newly engaged couple in a world of luxury and class – the definition of a dream, that's what we presented ourselves as. Sly looks, hidden giggles, hands intertwined.
An unbearable display of romance and young love – but truly, the start of a business between two families and two scapegoats.
That was it. Benjamin and I were the scapegoats.
"What a waste of fucking time" Ben sighed, undoing the buttons of his immaculate white dress shirt and throwing it somewhere on the ground of our room.
"Tell me about it." I replied in a groan of relief as I removed the Loboutins from my swollen and torn feet. "But I guess it went well."
Ben's deep brown eyes stared at me in amusement, a small, crooked smile forming on his lips.
"You're a fast learner, Annie"
I laughed loudly at his remark, and shrugged my shoulders as I gave my back to him, motioning for him to help me with my zipper.
"Being around the Flinn's my whole adolescence has truly been a masterclass of elegance"
"Bullshit" He laughed again, right against my ear as he assisted me. "You've just become a great actress – do I take off the patches, too?"
Patches that covered the tattoos that otherwise would've been exposed by the lower cut on the back of the dress.
I simply nodded, and snorted.
Benjamin and I were childhood friends, which made the engagement at least a bit more tolerable, and a hell of a lot easier to fake.
My family was average. Middle class. Not poor by any means, but not in the financial or social level of the Flinn's – I ended up meeting Benjamin at school thanks to a scholarship I had earned. Having the wealthiest student of that private, elite institution not be an asshole and the only person who accepted me without any prejudice is what made me end in this situation.
My family was greedy, and his family deemed me worthy enough. Easy deal, not a chance to fight back.
Was this a dream situation for me? Not really – there were many things I wish I could've done and know for a fact there must be someone out there that would appreciate this situation more than me.
Someone that actually would love Ben in the way it should be to commit to something like marriage.
But I was pretty enough. Looked the part. That was it.
"So," I said clasping my hands together, and turning to look at my fiance, who had already changed into much casual attire. "What will it be tonight?"
A glimmer appeared on Benjamin's deep, brown eyes, accompanied by a dry chuckle and a mischevious smirk.
"Up to you, doll," He said in a laugh. "All we need is to be sly enough"
Disguised as date nights, Ben and I would go out into the city often. The Flinn's house was just at the outskirts, in a gated community hidden in the lush, green forest.
The family and family help seeing us leave the house hand in hand never raised any alarms – we were engaged, for fuck's sake.
The thing is, as we got to our arranged destination, we would go our separate ways.
Even thought Benjamin Flinn and I were best friends, we lived completely different lives. In his carefree nature, the man I was getting married to pushed me to live my silly little dreams, the ones he knew fairly well I had to give up on, as he went on to experience the youth he would soon me ripped apart from.
Being totally honest, that's the thing that made me stay in Benjamin's life – his support and acceptance.
"What time do you think the concert will be done?"
He was leaning on the outside of the driver's door of his car, taking a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from the inside pocket of his leather jacket.
As the smoke flowed out of his mouth, I took the pack from his hand and got one for myself, instantly causing Ben to flick the lighter and light my own.
"You didn't bring yours again?" In a a jokingly frustrated gasp, he said. "You stealthy little rat."
I snorted, blowing the smoke on his face. "We both are, but you're a millionare, a single smoke won't hurt your pocket – I'll be done in about three hours, enjoy your freedom, babe"
With a giggle, I happily skipped across the street, my boots and the chains attached to my skirt jingling as I moved.
I could hear Ben yell something about me 'soon being a millionare too'. Chose to ignore it. I needed time for me, and my own thoughts.
The day had messed with my head. All so carefully planned for something knowingly fabricated but covered in a blanket of denial – the families made their deal and still believed Benjamin Flinn and I were madly in love, just because they want it so.
I felt like a sold bride – no, I was. And my future and plans and career had to die for me to fit in the contract.
Why would a family of the Elite want a tattoed, educated, successful journalist and failed musician in their midst?
I shake my head at the thought. The problem isn't me. It has never been me.
You're not the problem, Annie. You are not a problem.
Taking a gasp of air and releasing it strongly, I opened the door to the venue. To my place of comfort and relaxation. To my temporary memory loss related to the Flinn'a and my parents.
To the diamond ring I took from my finger and hid inside my knee high platform boots.
To the real life of a 24 year old.