I suffered profoundly at his hands as Eleanor, I was helpless, I could barely fight at all, my body was weak, I was haunted by his two personalities, by my terrible family, but Sofiya and Nikolai. Many times I wanted to die, but I was too scared of dying again, even if that's what they made me want to do. Now that I'm actually... dead as Eleanor, even if the soul who died in the body at the last minute was Yeji's, it feels... bittersweet.
I'm finally free from Maximilianos. I'll soon be free from the torment of Sofiya and Nikolai if I play my cards right. I'm free from Max's insufferable younger sister who was a nuisance to my life and also never mentioned in the damn book. I'm free from the Whitethorn and from the Blackwood, both families were terrible to me.
It's good that Eleanor is dead, but it's bad because the one to die was Yeji and not me, even if I'm glad I didn't die, it's not a victory I can cheer over, not when it cost my actual blood-related cousin's life, and Arwel will be a constant reminder of the cost of my soul surviving yet another time. But Eleanor deserved to rest, I was never going to rest alive, and even if Yeji took the fall, it feels like a big part of who I became after dying as Alina, died. That part of me that died... that's whose funeral I'm attending, that's why it's painful and bittersweet but at same time it brings me peace.
Even the og Eleanor in the shit novel, she suffered too much, she was an innocent on that whole thing, the only lead that could be saved and deserved to. I feel bad for fucking with her destiny, as she was supposed to die more than 5 years from now, but my very presence in that body and my actions changed that. From 5 to 17 years, I managed to give myself and that body a profoundly better life than the og Eleanor had in the novel, but these past 4 years were a mess, with Maximilianos and all, and og Eleanor didn't suffer to that extent in the novel.
A part of me can't shake the thought that I made myself as Eleanor miserable with my actions after I transmigrated here, even though I don't regret them, and that I'm at fault for dying now. While another part of me think this was good, and that this might mean the three remaining leads' deaths will come soon because of this. Then that little part of me, the most pessimistic one, think what I did was horrible and will bring the necromancer around sooner.
I wish there were some kind of system to help me, to guide me in a certain way, like in many novels of transmigration and reincarnation. But it seems like that was shit, as it didn't help me.
Yeji's loss aside, despite hating it in the first moment, now that I know better, I'm actually glad to have become Diana Nataliya Le Noir, because now I'll finally be able to actually get stronger in this world of magic. I used to feel miserable for not being allowed to train physically to make my weak body stronger, to not able to attend the magical academy even though I was magically strong enough and girls are allowed. In all ways of the word, I was helpless.
As Alina, I was strong, I was an athlete throughout school in the track and field team, and also in gymnastics, and I knew how to fight thanks to mom putting me and my siblings in taekwondo since we were old enough to walk. I had an amazing stamina, and even after leaving school and graduating from college, I kept working out in the gym and in pilates, I would also keep a daily running track and some aerobic every morning. While as Eleanor, I could even do a push up successfully.
While with Max, he would constantly replenish my stamina with magic so I could keep up with him in bed, it was annoying. I didn't need that as Alina because I had the stamina to keep up, so much that some guys struggled keeping up with me instead. My years as Eleanor were frustrating, because I went from stronger than average to magically strong but physically weak, I could barely run as a kid at all, five minutes in and I was panting and on the ground close to having a convulsion or something pretty close to that.
But now? As Diana and with a helpful family who will back me up on anything? Things are about to get different, all I need to do is learn to control what this body can do, then, none of the three leads will be able to harm me.
To avoid the necromancer from pulling some shit, I will have to find a way to cremate Eleanor's body before the 100 days come to an end. Doing that as myself will create a huge conflict with Maximilianos, who I know well enough to understand how dangerous that is, especially if Maxim takes over, and he already hate Diana. Which means, I'll have to find a safe way to do it.
Maximilianos will be a prove regardless.
That piece of shit, he killed me and now is acting like the innocent widow. It disgusts me, it makes me want to grab him by his dark brown hair and hit his head on the pointy edge of the damn coffin he put my body is. This is all his fault, together with Sofiya and Nikolai who played a big part in the events that lead to my damned death, as I died being physically abused to death by Maxim.
"My sister, why did you left us, sister?" Rosalie cried loudly and dramatically, hugging one of the side of my coffin, giving me the creeps. "Why did your heart failed with us? And all because of an affair," she cried and I almost physically flinched.
What the fuck is Rosalie Whitethorn scheming?