It's been two days since the incident with Lowell and I would really say it's been the worst two days of my life.
Liz has distanced herself from me and I felt even more alone.
The day it all happened, I tried explaining to her.
"All along you hid the fact that you were not normal? Is this how you pay me back after all these years of goodness to you?" Liz cried regretfully.
"I never meant to keep you in the dark, I was just scared you might see me differently if I mentioned it to you" I answered, terrifyingly.
"No wonder you weren't open to me, I tried talking about your whole
love affair but you were so secretive about it. Little did I know it was Lowell of all the men out there" she screamed at me while crying.
I felt worthless.
I betrayed the hands that took me in, fed me and made me to never feel alone, Liz was the only family I had and I know I hurt her but she has to understand it wasn't intentional, I never knew Lowell was her man.
****
I was writing in my diary when suddenly, I felt nauseous. I ran to the bathroom.
This is the third time I'm vomiting this morning and I hope it's not what I'm thinking.
Instead of presuming I decided to visit a drugstore very close to the house to get a pregnancy test strip.
On reaching home, I saw Liz's car outside. She was sitting down tiredly on the couch but, when she saw me she murmured something under her breath and truthfully speaking I wasn't ready to upset her more.
"I have more pressing issues I need to attend to," I said to myself, while walking down to my room.
I did the test and I tested positive.
I was pregnant!
I was pregnant for a man that cheated and lied to both me and my aunt?
I felt overwhelmed, unsure of how to process everything.
I was pregnant with Lowell's child but he betrayed me. I didn't know if I should tell him or terminate the pregnancy.
I was scared to tell Liz, fearing her anger would grow.
Dark thoughts crept in, making me consider ending my life to escape everything.
But I knew I couldn't do that. I felt alone, unsure of who to turn to. I needed help, but didn't know where to find it.
But I made up my mind, I was going to tell Liz about it.
I took a deep breath and approached Liz, who was engrossed in her work at the dining table. My heart raced as I whispered, "I'm pregnant, Liz."
She removed her glasses, looking up at me with a mix of shock and disbelief. "What did you just say? That you're pregnant? Who's responsible for this? And how are you sure you're pregnant?" she asked, her voice firm but laced with concern.
I hesitated, but knew I had to tell her the truth.
"Lowell...he's responsible. He's the only one I've been intimate with recently. I felt really sick, and I suspected it might be a pregnancy. So, I took a test, and it came out positive."
Liz's expression turned stern. "You'll have to remove that baby, Tala. I won't allow a bastard under my roof," she said, her voice cold, as if the decision was final.
I felt a surge of emotions: fear, anxiety, and desperation. "I can't remove it, Liz. I can't," I cried, my voice shaking.
Liz's gaze didn't change. "You have no choice, Tala. You're not ready to be a mother. And with Lowell's betrayal...no, I won't allow it."
I felt tears streaming down my face as I turned and ran back to my room, feeling defeated and alone.
Maybe I had made a mistake telling Liz. Maybe I should have kept it to myself.
I thought about Lowell, and how much my life had changed since the incident.
I had avoided him completely, refusing to pick up his calls or even respond to his messages..
The constant buzzing of my phone with calls and messages made me block him.
But now, I knew I had to contact him again. I needed to see him, to tell him that he was going to be a father soon.
I can't remove this baby no matter what Liz said. I knew I had to take responsibility, so I took a deep breath and unblocked him.
My heart raced as I sent him a text.
"We need to talk," I wrote, trying to keep my emotions in check.
Anxiously awaiting his reply, I thought of how he was going to react to the message. Would he even care?
Finally, my phone buzzed. "I've been trying to reach you for weeks. I couldn't come around because I knew I wasn't welcomed. Are you okay? What's going on?
I hesitated, trying not to reveal so much. "We need to talk in person," I wrote, trying to stay firm.
We arranged to meet at a coffee shop.I arrived early, my nerves on edge.
When Lowell walked in, I felt angry and hurt at the same time but as I looked into his eyes, I knew I had to be strong.
"We need to talk about us", I said, my voice shaking slightly.
Lowell, looking concerned and curious, asked, "what's going on, Tala?"
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm pregnant, Lowell. You're going to be a father".