Chereads / Across The Pacific- Original BL Story / Chapter 11 - Scene 10- Shattered Confessions

Chapter 11 - Scene 10- Shattered Confessions

"Love isn't just about fitting into each other's worlds; it's about finding beauty in the spaces between. Hiiragi taught me to savor the quiet moments, while I showed him the thrill of chasing dreams. Together, we bridged the gap between tradition and modernity, creating a home in each other where Kyoto's calm meets New York's energy."—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The soft rumble of the train echoed through the compartment as Victor and Hiiragi sat across from each other. The late afternoon sun streamed through the windows, casting a warm, golden hue over the world outside. The train was relatively empty, and the rhythmic clattering of the tracks created a soothing backdrop to their journey.Victor fidgeted with the hem of his jacket, trying to keep his nerves in check. His heart had been racing since they boarded the train, and now, with Hiiragi sitting just a few feet away, every glance, every movement seemed to amplify the fluttering in his chest. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this way—so acutely aware of someone's presence that it made his stomach twist in knots.Hiiragi, on the other hand, appeared calm, his eyes focused on the passing scenery. But Victor knew him well enough to notice the slight tension in his posture, the way his fingers tapped lightly against his knee. He wondered if Hiiragi felt the same way—if his heart was pounding just as hard, if he was struggling to find the right words, just like Victor was.After what felt like an eternity, Hiiragi finally spoke, his voice soft but steady. "Victor-san... there's something I've been meaning to tell you."Victor's heart skipped a beat. The air between them grew thick with unspoken emotions, and he could feel the tension building with each passing second. He swallowed hard, trying to find his voice. "Y-Yeah?"Hiiragi turned his gaze away from the window, his eyes meeting Victor's with an intensity that made Victor's breath catch. "I've been thinking a lot lately... about us. About how I feel when I'm with you."Victor's face grew impossibly warm, his cheeks flushing a deep shade of red. He could feel the heat spreading all the way to the tips of his ears, and he cursed his inability to control his reactions. "O-Oh?" he managed to stammer, his voice betraying the nervousness he was desperately trying to hide.Hiiragi hesitated for a moment, as if searching for the right words. "Victor-san, I... I think I'm in love with you."Victor's breath caught in his throat, his eyes widening in shock. Hiiragi's confession hung in the air between them, heavy with emotion. Victor's mind raced, a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings that left him dizzy and disoriented."I-I..." Victor stuttered, his face burning with embarrassment. He could feel the words forming in his mind, but his tongue seemed to be tied in knots. His heart pounded so loudly in his chest that he was sure Hiiragi could hear it. "Hiiragi-san, I... I don't know what to say..."Hiiragi's expression softened, a hint of vulnerability in his eyes. "It's okay, Victor-san. You don't have to say anything. I just... I needed to tell you how I feel."Victor's mind was spinning. He had imagined this moment countless times, but now that it was happening, he felt completely unprepared. His heart ached with the weight of his own feelings, but something—an insidious doubt—crept into his mind.What if Hiiragi was just being kind? What if he didn't really mean it, and this was just a way of comforting Victor after all they'd been through? The thought sent a wave of panic through him, and before he could stop himself, the words tumbled out of his mouth."I-I think you're misunderstanding something, Hiiragi-san," Victor blurted out, his voice shaky. "I mean... we're friends, right? And I... I don't want to ruin that."The moment the words left his lips, Victor wanted to take them back. He saw the flicker of hurt in Hiiragi's eyes, the way his shoulders tensed as if bracing for a blow. Victor's heart sank, the weight of his own insecurities crashing down on him.Hiiragi forced a smile, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Of course, Victor-san. I understand."But Victor could see the pain behind those words, and it tore at him. His face was burning, his chest tight with regret. He had meant to protect their friendship, to keep things from getting complicated, but instead, he had hurt the one person he cared about more than anything."I-I'm sorry," Victor whispered, his voice barely audible. He clenched his fists, his mind screaming at him to fix this, to somehow make it right. But the damage was already done.The rest of the train ride passed in a blur of silence and stolen glances. Victor's face remained red, his hands trembling slightly as he replayed the conversation over and over in his mind. He felt like a fool—a coward who had let his fears get the better of him.When the train finally pulled into the station, they both stood up, an awkward tension hanging between them. Hiiragi gave Victor a small, polite smile, and Victor could see the sadness lingering in his eyes."Take care, Victor-san," Hiiragi said quietly before turning to leave.Victor watched him go, his heart aching with the weight of his own mistakes. He wanted to call out to him, to tell him that he was wrong—that he did feel something, something deep and real. But the words wouldn't come.As the train doors closed and Hiiragi disappeared from view, Victor sank back into his seat, burying his face in his hands. His cheeks were still flushed, his mind still spinning with the intensity of what had just happened. He had never felt so lost, so confused, and so utterly in love.Victor remained seated for a moment, staring blankly at the empty space where Hiiragi had just been. His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, each one more frantic than the last. He could still feel the heat in his cheeks, the lingering flush that betrayed just how deeply Hiiragi's confession had affected him.Suddenly, a realization hit him like a ton of bricks."What did I just do?" he whispered, the words barely escaping his lips. His eyes widened as the full weight of his actions came crashing down on him. Panic surged through his veins, and he shot up from his seat, nearly stumbling as the train began to move again."Did I just reject him?!"The words felt foreign, like they didn't belong to him. But there was no denying the truth. In his confusion, in his fear, he had pushed Hiiragi away. The memory of Hiiragi's pained expression flashed through his mind, and Victor's heart twisted painfully in his chest."How could I be so stupid?" he muttered to himself, running a shaky hand through his hair. The train car was empty now, and the silence only amplified the deafening roar of his own thoughts. He could still hear the echo of Hiiragi's voice, so full of emotion, so raw and honest. It had taken so much courage for Hiiragi to open up like that, and Victor had shattered it with his careless words.He began pacing the length of the compartment, his thoughts racing. What should he do? Should he chase after Hiiragi? But where would he go? Hiiragi was probably long gone by now, and Victor had no idea where to find him. The thought of leaving things as they were, of letting Hiiragi believe that Victor didn't feel the same, was unbearable.His chest tightened with guilt and regret. Victor had never been good with words, especially when it came to matters of the heart. He always thought too much, worried too much about what could go wrong. And now, because of that hesitation, he had hurt the one person who meant the world to him."No, no, no... I didn't mean it like that!" Victor groaned, his face burning with a mixture of embarrassment and frustration. He felt like an absolute idiot. "Hiiragi... I didn't mean it..."He could still feel the stinging embarrassment from how red his face had gone, how his voice had trembled when he tried to speak. It was as if every emotion he had ever bottled up had decided to come pouring out at the worst possible moment. And now, he was left to deal with the aftermath of his own mess.Victor stopped pacing and leaned against the window, his breath fogging up the glass as he exhaled. He had to fix this—somehow. He couldn't let things end like this, with misunderstandings and hurt feelings. He cared too much about Hiiragi to just walk away.But what could he do? How could he make Hiiragi understand that he hadn't meant to reject him, that his own fears had gotten in the way? Victor closed his eyes, trying to think. His heart was telling him one thing, but his mind was clouded with doubt.Taking a deep breath, Victor made a decision. He couldn't let this moment define their relationship. He had to find Hiiragi and make things right, no matter what it took. Even if it meant confronting his own feelings head-on, even if it meant risking everything, Victor knew he couldn't leave things as they were.He pushed himself away from the window, determination hardening in his eyes. The train would soon reach its next stop, and when it did, Victor would get off and search for Hiiragi. He couldn't let this be the end—not when there was so much more he wanted to say, so much more he wanted to feel.As the train continued to rumble down the tracks, Victor's mind raced with a thousand thoughts. But amid the chaos, one thing became clear: He was in love with Hiiragi, and he wasn't going to let a misunderstanding get in the way of that.Hiiragi could barely see the path in front of him through the blur of his tears. His heart ached with every step he took, the pain of Victor's rejection slicing through him like a knife. He had never felt so vulnerable, so exposed, and the sting of it was unbearable. All he wanted was to get home, to the one place where he could be alone with his thoughts, away from the harsh reality of what had just happened.His legs carried him on autopilot, his mind replaying the scene over and over. He had poured his heart out to Victor, had laid everything bare, only to be met with rejection. It wasn't just the words that hurt; it was the way Victor had looked at him, the confusion, the hesitation. It was as if Hiiragi's feelings had caught him completely off guard, and that hurt more than anything else.By the time he reached his front door, his breath was coming in ragged gasps, his chest heaving with the effort of holding back the sobs that threatened to break free. He fumbled with his keys, his hands shaking so badly that it took several tries before he managed to unlock the door. The moment it swung open, he slipped inside, shutting it behind him with a quiet click.The house was supposed to be empty, quiet, a sanctuary where he could fall apart without anyone seeing. But as soon as he stepped into the entryway, he froze. Voices—familiar, comforting voices—floated down the hallway, accompanied by the clinking of dishes and the low hum of conversation. Hiiragi's heart sank. Sora Ishikawa, his best friend, was here, and from the sound of it, he wasn't alone.Hiiragi's mind raced as he tried to decide what to do. He could hear his mother's voice, warm and cheerful, mingling with Sora's, and the higher-pitched laughter of his younger sister and niece. They were having dinner, probably enjoying one of his mother's home-cooked meals, completely unaware of the emotional storm that had just torn through Hiiragi's world.He took a step back, his instinct to flee kicking in. But before he could turn around and retreat, his foot hit the edge of the doormat, and the sound seemed to echo through the quiet hallway. It was enough to catch the attention of everyone in the dining room."Hiiragi? Is that you?" Sora's voice called out, filled with casual warmth.Hiiragi couldn't answer. His throat had closed up, and the tears he had been trying so hard to hold back suddenly spilled over, streaming down his cheeks in hot, silent rivers. He knew he couldn't face them like this, not with his heart in shambles and his emotions laid bare. But it was too late to escape.His mother appeared in the doorway first, a smile on her face that quickly faded when she saw him. "Hiiragi, are you alright?" she asked, her voice tinged with concern.Hiiragi shook his head, unable to speak. His vision blurred further as more tears welled up, and he bit his lip to keep from breaking down completely. He wanted to say something, anything to reassure her, but the words wouldn't come. All he could do was stand there, trembling, his emotions unraveling in front of everyone.Sora was on his feet in an instant, moving toward him with a look of alarm. "Hiiragi, what happened?" he asked, his voice low and gentle. "Are you okay?"That question was all it took to shatter the last of Hiiragi's composure. A sob tore its way out of his chest, and before he knew it, he was crying—really crying—his shoulders shaking with the force of his anguish. Sora reached out, wrapping an arm around Hiiragi and guiding him into the living room, away from the worried gazes of his family."Shh, it's okay," Sora whispered, his tone soothing as he held Hiiragi close. "Whatever it is, we'll get through it together."Hiiragi clung to Sora, burying his face in his friend's shoulder as the sobs continued to wrack his body. He didn't care anymore about who saw or what they thought. All that mattered was the overwhelming sadness that had consumed him, the pain of losing something so precious before he had even really had it.Sora held him tighter, letting Hiiragi cry as long as he needed. And for that moment, in the safety of his best friend's arms, Hiiragi let himself fall apart completely.Hiiragi couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so utterly defeated, so broken. As the sobs wracked his body, he clung to Sora like a lifeline, the only solid thing in a world that had suddenly become too overwhelming, too cruel. His fingers curled into Sora's shirt, gripping it tightly as if letting go would mean sinking into an abyss he couldn't escape from. Every breath felt like a struggle, his chest heaving with the force of his sorrow, and the tears flowed without end, soaking Sora's shoulder.Sora didn't say anything, didn't push for answers. He simply held Hiiragi, his hand gently rubbing his back in slow, soothing circles. The warmth of his embrace, the quiet strength he offered, was the only thing keeping Hiiragi grounded. In that moment, Sora was the anchor he so desperately needed.Minutes passed—maybe hours—Hiiragi couldn't tell. Time seemed to lose all meaning as he cried, his mind a whirl of pain and confusion. All the hopes he'd built up, all the dreams of what could have been with Victor, shattered into a million pieces. The memory of Victor's hesitant gaze, the way he had stumbled over his words, was seared into Hiiragi's mind. He couldn't shake it, couldn't escape the humiliation and heartbreak that had taken root in his chest.Gradually, the storm of emotions began to subside, leaving Hiiragi feeling drained and hollow. The tears slowed, and the sobs quieted, until he was left with nothing but the ache of exhaustion. His grip on Sora's shirt loosened, though he didn't let go completely. He didn't want to let go—didn't want to face the world beyond this small, safe cocoon that Sora had created for him.Sora noticed the change and eased Hiiragi down onto the couch, his movements careful and deliberate. He sat beside him, keeping a comforting arm around Hiiragi's shoulders. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked softly.Sora didn't let go of Hiiragi even as his sobs slowly subsided. They stood there in the dimly lit living room, Sora's steady presence anchoring Hiiragi as the storm of emotions gradually began to calm. The warmth of his friend's embrace provided a stark contrast to the cold emptiness that had filled Hiiragi since leaving Victor."Come on," Sora said softly after a while, guiding Hiiragi to the couch. "Let's sit down."Hiiragi nodded weakly, allowing Sora to lead him. He sank into the cushions, feeling utterly drained. His eyes were swollen from crying, and his chest ached with the lingering remnants of his sobs. Sora sat down beside him, close but not crowding him, giving Hiiragi the space to gather his thoughts.For a few moments, they sat in silence. The only sound in the room was the ticking of the clock on the wall and the faint murmur of voices from the dining room. Hiiragi could still hear his family in the background, their conversation subdued now, undoubtedly worried about him. He wanted to say something to reassure them, but he didn't have the strength. All he could focus on was the hollow feeling in his heart, the gaping wound left by Victor's rejection.Sora waited patiently, his hand resting gently on Hiiragi's back, offering silent comfort. He didn't push Hiiragi to talk, didn't ask any questions, just sat there with him, his presence a quiet reminder that Hiiragi wasn't alone.Eventually, Hiiragi found his voice, though it was hoarse from crying. "It was Victor," he whispered, his eyes fixed on the floor. "I... I confessed to him."Sora's hand stilled on his back, and Hiiragi could feel the slight tension in his friend's body, the concern that hadn't been there before. "And?" Sora asked, his tone careful, as if he already knew the answer but didn't want to hurt Hiiragi by saying it out loud.Hiiragi squeezed his eyes shut, the memory of Victor's face, flushed and uncertain, flashing before him. "He didn't feel the same way," he said, his voice cracking on the last word. "He... he rejected me."Saying it out loud made it feel even more real, and Hiiragi's heart twisted painfully in his chest. He had known it would hurt, had prepared himself for the possibility that Victor might not return his feelings, but nothing could have prepared him for the actual moment of rejection. It had been like having the ground ripped out from under him, leaving him free-falling into an abyss of despair.Sora was silent for a moment, processing Hiiragi's words. Then, he shifted closer, wrapping an arm around Hiiragi's shoulders and pulling him into a comforting embrace. "I'm so sorry, Hiiragi," he murmured, his voice filled with genuine sympathy. "That must have been so hard."Hiiragi nodded, his throat tight with the effort of holding back more tears. He leaned into Sora, grateful for the warmth and understanding his friend offered. "I thought... I thought maybe he felt something too," he admitted, his voice trembling. "But I guess I was wrong."Sora's grip tightened slightly, and Hiiragi could feel the anger simmering just beneath the surface of his friend's calm exterior. "Victor's an idiot," Sora said quietly, his voice laced with frustration. "If he can't see how amazing you are, then he doesn't deserve you."Hiiragi wanted to believe that, wanted to take comfort in Sora's words, but all he could think about was the look on Victor's face when he had confessed. The way Victor had blushed, stuttered, and then ultimately rejected him—it had felt like a dagger to his heart. "It wasn't just that he rejected me," Hiiragi whispered, his voice barely audible. "It was the way he did it. He looked so... confused, like he didn't even realize how I felt until that moment. Like I was just some... some puzzle he couldn't figure out."The bitterness in Hiiragi's voice surprised even him. He hadn't realized how much the confusion on Victor's face had hurt until now. It was as if his feelings had been a mystery, something so far removed from Victor's understanding that the idea of Hiiragi loving him was completely foreign.Sora's expression darkened, and he pulled Hiiragi closer, his tone fierce. "That doesn't change the fact that you're worth more than that. Victor might be confused, but that's his problem, not yours. You deserve someone who sees you for who you are, who doesn't need to figure out whether they care about you. Someone who knows from the start that you're special."Hiiragi let out a shaky breath, trying to absorb Sora's words. He wanted to believe them, wanted to hold onto the idea that someone out there would see him the way Sora did, would love him without hesitation or doubt. But in that moment, all he could feel was the raw, aching emptiness left by Victor's rejection."I just... I don't know what to do now," Hiiragi confessed, his voice small and defeated. "It hurts so much, Sora. I don't know how to make it stop."Sora sighed, his grip on Hiiragi tightening as if he could somehow shield him from the pain. "It's going to hurt for a while," he admitted, his voice softening with empathy. "But you don't have to go through it alone. I'm here for you, Hiiragi. Whatever you need, I'll be here."Hiiragi nodded, the warmth of Sora's words providing a small, fragile comfort. It wasn't a solution, but it was something—a lifeline in the midst of the storm. He leaned against Sora, letting his friend's presence soothe the worst of his pain, even if just for a little while.For a long time, they stayed like that, Sora holding Hiiragi as the tears slowly dried up and the heavy weight of exhaustion settled in. Hiiragi felt drained, his emotions spent, but the ache in his heart remained, a constant reminder of what he had lost.Eventually, Sora gently pulled back, looking down at Hiiragi witha mix of concern and determination. "You're going to get through this," Sora said, his voice steady. "It's going to be hard, and it's going to take time, but you're strong, Hiiragi. Stronger than you know."Hiiragi met Sora's gaze, his eyes still red-rimmed and puffy. There was a flicker of something in his chest—a faint hope, maybe, or just the comfort of knowing that someone believed in him, even when he didn't believe in himself. "I don't feel strong," he whispered.Sora's expression softened, and he brushed a stray lock of hair from Hiiragi's forehead. "You don't have to feel strong right now. You just need to keep going. One step at a time. And if you can't do it alone, then lean on me. Lean on your family. We're all here for you."Hiiragi nodded again, feeling the warmth of Sora's words seep into the cracks in his heart. It wasn't a cure, but it was something to hold onto—a thread to follow out of the darkness.Just then, the sound of footsteps echoed from the hallway, and Hiiragi looked up to see his mother standing in the doorway. Her face was etched with worry, and she hesitated for a moment, as if unsure whether to approach."Hiiragi," she said softly, her voice full of maternal concern. "Are you okay, sweetheart?"Hiiragi managed a small, weary smile. "I'm... I'm getting there, Mom."His mother's eyes filled with tears, and she crossed the room in a few quick strides, pulling Hiiragi into a hug. The familiar scent of her perfume surrounded him, and for a moment, Hiiragi let himself be a child again, letting his mother's embrace shield him from the world."We were so worried," she murmured, her voice thick with emotion. "But I'm glad you're home, safe with us.""I'm sorry I scared you," Hiiragi whispered, feeling a fresh wave of guilt for causing his family so much distress.His mother pulled back just enough to cup his face in her hands, her eyes searching his. "Don't you ever apologize for your feelings, Hiiragi. You're allowed to hurt. You're allowed to feel everything you're feeling right now."Hiiragi nodded, a lump forming in his throat. He glanced over his mother's shoulder to see his sister and niece standing just outside the room, both of them looking at him with matching expressions of concern and love. The sight made his chest tighten, but in a different way—less painful, more bittersweet.Sora, still sitting beside him, placed a hand on Hiiragi's shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "You've got a whole army of people who love you, Hiiragi. You're not alone in this."Hiiragi took a deep, shaky breath, the weight of their support settling around him like a protective cocoon. The pain was still there, raw and aching, but it felt a little less overwhelming now. A little more bearable, knowing he wasn't facing it on his own."I know," he said quietly, his voice a little steadier than before. "Thank you, all of you."His mother kissed his forehead, a gentle, comforting gesture. "We're here for you, sweetheart. Always."Hiiragi felt something inside him shift—just a little, just enough. The hurt wasn't gone, but it was no longer all-consuming. He had people who loved him, people who would help him through the darkness, and that was enough to keep him going.For now, it was enough.