Ding-dong! Ding-dong! Ding-dong!
Red Tornado, in his usual calm manner, opens the door slightly, peering out with his emotionless face. "Wade, is there something you require?"
Wade doesn't miss a beat. "Hey, Shiny! You know, I've been thinking... You're like the backbone of this whole operation. Really holding things together, just like... uh, superglue! Yeah, you're the superglue of the team, buddy."
Red Tornado's robotic eyes blink. "I appreciate your... observation, Wade. However—"
"But seriously, Tornady," Wade interrupts, "you've got that sturdy, dependable vibe. Like a... like a rusty old bridge! You might not be shiny or exciting, but hey, you're still standing, right? That's gotta count for something!"
Red Tornado's robotic patience begins to wane. "Wade, I am not certain—"
"Oh, come on, Tornady!" Wade whines, now knocking on the door, alternating between light taps and full-on banging. "What's the point of having a built-in Wi-Fi router and not using it? Just shoot Batman a quick text! Tell him his favorite merc needs to discuss... something important."
Red Tornado, trying to maintain his composure, replies, "Wade, I do not have—"
"Wait, don't tell me you don't have a Bat-signal app installed!" Wade smirks. "I mean, you're part of the Justice League, right? VIP status! It's not like you've got anything better to do. Do you?"
The android tries to close the door, but Wade jams his foot in the gap, now lightly tapping on Red Tornado's chest as if knocking on wood.
*Tap*tap*tap.*
"And your voice!" Wade continues, completely oblivious to the android's growing annoyance. "It's got that soothing, monotone quality. Puts me right to sleep! In a good way, I mean. Like, you're the lullaby of the Justice League. No wonder you're in charge of watching over us."
Red Tornado's head tilts slightly. "I believe you are attempting to be complimentary, but—"
Wade cuts him off again, leaning in closer. "And that face of yours—so expressionless! It's like... a blank canvas. Or, like, one of those creepy porcelain dolls that kids keep in their rooms. Totally comforting! Really gives off that 'nothing bothers me because I don't have feelings' vibe. You're like the team's emotional anchor. Steady as a rock... or, you know, a boulder that never moves."
Red Tornado's grip on the door tightens. "Wade, your comments—"
"And don't even get me started on your color scheme!" Wade exclaims, stepping back to give Red Tornado an exaggerated once-over. "That red and yellow combo? Classic. Like ketchup and mustard! Who doesn't love a good hot dog, right? You're like the walking embodiment of lunch. Makes me hungry just looking at you!"
Red Tornado's internal processors seem to grind to a halt, trying to compute Wade's rambling. "Wade, if you persist in this manner, I will have to—"
Wade finally throws his hands up in mock surrender. "Alright, alright, I get it, Mr. Dependable. You're a busy guy—er, robot. I just wanted to tell you how much we all, uh, appreciate having you around. Even if you're, you know, a bit stiff. And cold. And probably wouldn't know a joke if it smacked you in the face."
Red Tornado, now utterly exasperated, shuts the door with a forceful clang.
As Wade turns away, he mutters to himself, "I think he likes me.~"
As the door clangs shut, Red Tornado stands in silence for a moment, processing what happened. His internal processors is loud; trying to categorize the interaction. A series of diagnostic routines run in the background, monitoring the slight uptick in his core temperature and the unusual fluctuations in his neural network.
"So this is what we call… anger," he says to himself, his voice a mix of curiosity and confusion, modulated through his vocal system. The statement triggers another round of data processing as his logic circuits attempt to define and categorize this new emotional response.
The android takes a deep, mechanical breath, attempting to recalibrate his emotions, or at least what passes for them. But the lingering irritation, a new and strange sensation for him, remains...
gotham bank
friday.... probably
The bank's interior is shrouded in shadows, illuminated only by the occasional flicker of security lights. Below, the robbers scramble around, gathering loot and shouting orders to one another. Unseen above them, Batman and Robin are concealed in the dark recesses of the ceiling beams, their forms barely discernible.
Suddenly, the tension of the scene is shattered by an overly cheerful voice that cuts through the darkness.
"Excuse me! Excuse me! Has anyone seen a Batman around here? You know, he's the guy with a traumatic past and a serious bat fetish!" Wade's voice rings out with playful exuberance.
The robbers stop in their tracks, looking around in confusion. Their anxity is raising as they search for the source of the disturbance
"Seriously, folks, this is no time for hiding~"
One of the robbers, clearly exasperated, shouts, "Shut up, clown!" He fires his gun at Wade, and bullets whiz through the air. Some hit Wade directly, while others narrowly miss as he ducks and dodges with a mix of exaggerated theatricality and genuine pain.
As the robbers continue to shoot at Wade, Batman and Robin spring into action. From their vantage point above, they drop down silently and swiftly, taking the robbers by surprise.
Batman tackles one of the robbers to the ground with a powerful swing, his movements precise and efficient. Robin performs a series of acrobatic flips, disarming another robber and kicking him to the floor.
With the robbers subdued and secured, Batman and Robin stand over them, catching their breath. Batman's gaze shifts to Wade, who remains unfazed and smiling despite the gunfire.
'Wade claps his hands together with cheerful experssion"Well done, everyone! I've got to say, that was a real performance. You all hit your marks perfectly~"
"And Batman, seriously, how do you stay so calm with all these near-death experiences? It's like you're a robot! And speaking of robots, did you know you're basically the Bruce Wayne of crime-fighting? I mean, if Batman and Bruce Wayne were different people, you'd still be the same person. Wait, that didn't come out right."
Batman narrows his eyes, his frustration evident. "How do you know about Bruce Wayne?" he demands.
Wade flashes a ridiculous grin, his expression one of exaggerated innocence. "Oh, come on, how in the hell wouldn't I? You've got the same voice. Plus, your Robin doesn't wear costumes anymore. Ha! It's not exactly a state secret."
Batman's glare sharpens, clearly unimpressed. "You're not supposed to be here. And you're certainly not supposed to know that."
Wade immediately shifts to a more pleading tone, sidling up to Batman with exaggerated earnestness. "Oh, come on, Bats! You know, you're really something special. I mean, look at you—cool, calm, collected. A real icon! But speaking of icons, how about helping out an icon in need?"
Batman's patience is wearing thin. "What do you want, Wade?"
Wade's eyes light up with excitement. "Well, I was thinking, since you're so awesome and all, maybe you could get me two gold plated desert eagle 50 cal—the ones with the extra sparkle! And two swords! Not just any swords! , but the best metal ever known. I mean, you've got connections. You could probably make it happen!"
Wade leans in closer, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "Oh, and don't forget the unicorn. A dull one, of course. As an imaginary friend. Ahem. Just a little something to keep me company~"
Batman's expression is a mix of exasperation and disbelief. "Wade, you're not getting any murduring weapons from me. The bullets will be electrical, soft matter. Less lethal and more efficient. No swords! No unicorns!...maybe the unicorn......"
Wade's face falls slightly, but he quickly recovers with a dramatic sigh. "Aww, come on! I mean, Wonder Woman can use swords—why not me? And I really need this unicorn for therapy! It's a crucial part of my mental well-being."
Batman's patience snaps. "Then you should talk to Diana, not me."Batman turns to Robin, who is still clearly uncomfortable with the situation. "Batman, I swear I didn't know Wade was following us," Robin says, with an earnest voice
Wade turns to Robin, his voice like he can't believe what he heard "Traitor! How could you ?! " He then spins around, calling out, "Bat-" but finds Batman has already disappeared.
Wade's eyes widen in surprise. "How did he do that—?"
He turns back to Robin and notices that Robin is no longer in sight either. "And you too? Seriously, but how!" Wade looks around, scared
(i swear thats his super power!)