The happiness I felt at having Lily in my life was somewhat clouded by a persistent doubt as the days stretched into weeks. Her mother's identity was a persistent mystery that hung over me like a shadow. Every time I met Lily's gaze—those same eyes that radiated a mixture of innocent curiosity—I couldn't help but wonder who had given her life and why she had handed her to me wordlessly.
I started my modest research with the DNA certificate and some hazy memories of previous relationships because I was determined to discover answers. I was cautious not to show Lily how uncomfortable I was, but the need to find out became more and more pressing every day.
My initial next step was to go back and go through the old, dusty archives of my history. I began with the obvious, compiling a list of the women I had dated throughout my life. Although the list wasn't very extensive, each name stood for a past chapter of my life that I had long since closed. I was unsure of how to even start the discussion, so I paused before making the initial call. If someone leaves a child on your doorstep, how do you ask them? But I had to know; I had no other option.
To put it mildly, the interactions were uncomfortable. Most were perplexed, while some were incensed that I would even bring up the idea. My determination increased along with my aggravation as I checked out names one by one. Somebody had to do it somewhere and have the solutions I was looking for.
Lily was a continual source of brightness in my life throughout this period, blissfully oblivious to my search. Her contagious laugh and endless vitality were a comfort to my anxious thoughts. We made the most of our time together and established lifelong memories.
Our day excursion to the zoo stands out in particular. Lily was giddy with anticipation as we entered the gates on this warm, bright morning. The close-up views of the towering giraffes, the lively monkeys, and the majestic lions filled her eyes with delight. The pure delight on Lily's face captured my attention just as much as the animals did. We looked around every inch for hours in the zoo, and I gave myself permission to temporarily put the uncertainty that hovered above us behind me.
An additional exciting experience was a baking experiment. Lily insisted that we make cookies after she saw a cooking show on TV. Never one to back down from a challenge, even in the kitchen, I nodded. There was nothing except mayhem in the aftermath. Eggshells made their way into the batter, flour blanketed the kitchen like a thick layer of snow, and the cookies, well, they were more like blobs with strange shapes than anything else. However, I realized it didn't matter as we sat on the floor, coated in flour, feasting on our terrible masterpieces while Lily's laughter filled the kitchen. It mattered that we were happy amid the chaos.
We turned our city into a playground and uncovered hidden gems as a group. There was a small park with creaking swings and a canopy of greenery provided by the trees nestled between tall buildings. It turned into our own haven, where Lily could run about unhindered and I could observe her while experiencing a hitherto undiscovered calm.
Still, the hunt went on despite these happy times. My research led me to areas of the city that I hadn't been to in a long time—places that had memories I had long ago forgotten. I ran across former pals who had moved on to other lives; some were taken aback to see me, while others weren't very happy to be reminded of our history. Everybody encounter was a part of the picture, but it was still missing.
I discovered something surprising while I was having one of these encounters with a friend from my college days. He brought up Mia, a person I hadn't given any consideration to in a long time, while we sat in a little café chatting about the old days. The name hit me like a bolt of lightning. I had never fully moved on from Mia, the one who had escaped my grasp.
All of a sudden, the parts started to fit together. Is Mia the right person? I felt both optimism and fear at the same time. How come she hadn't gotten in touch with me if it was her? Why would you say nothing and leave Lily on my doorstep?
Later that evening, following the placement, I sat down with a drink of whiskey and put Lily to bed, my thoughts racing. Mia had always been fiercely independent. Despite being hot and passionate, our relationship was eventually destroyed due to our divergent trajectories. My heart had been left with a hole that had never fully mended when she had abruptly and mysteriously disappeared.
Now, the thought that she may be Lily's mother created a flurry of feelings. I was aware that I needed to track her down, face the past, and learn the truth. But I couldn't help but get scared as I watched Lily, soundly dozing. What if her mother's presence altered everything? But what if Mia desired to remove Lily? The idea was excruciating.
But I was unable to quit. The desire to learn surpassed my worries. The next step was obvious: I had to do everything it needed to locate Mia. Even though I didn't know what was ahead, I felt prepared to face anything since Lily was by my side.
I realized our lives were about to change as I lay in bed that night, the warm glow of the city lights coming through the window. I couldn't predict where the hunt would end, as it had only just started. But no matter what was ahead, I knew that Lily and I would face it together.