"I have lived a shameful life.
Strength, honor, and courage; these are the virtues of a true Gurkha, but I didn't possess even a tiny fraction of any of these. I was a failure, a huge disgrace to my people.
Mount Arkhas is a death chamber for failures like me. So, we ran all the way to the metropolitan areas of Shadowhaven, hoping to find a place where I could belong. But unfortunately, I only found rejection and contempt wherever I went.
I was too soft-hearted, too innocent, too weak. Everyone seemed to despise me for it... Even my mother criticized me whenever she could. 'Kindness is a form of weakness in itself,' she always said.
She got sick right after we reached the Dell Continent. Then, she requested that I put an end to her suffering with my own hands. But I couldn't do it; I lacked the resolve and courage.
She eventually did it herself, and I could only watch with horror and hatred. I hated her for leaving me alone, for making me witness such a gruesome sight. My own mother, bleeding to death after slitting her own throat.
She must have thought that it would awaken something in me. That it would make me stronger, braver, better. But it didn't. It only broke me, shattered me, and left me empty.
That day, I abandoned what was left of my dignity as a Gurkha and wept until my eyes dried. I never did anything to make her proud or happy. And even though she considered her bedridden self a burden, in reality, I was the true burden.
I wept and wept and wept until there was nothing left in me. It was that very day that I began to dread being alive.
What meaning is there in life when you're not truly living? Who is more privileged, those who have left this world, or those left behind in this cruel reality? What is the essence of living, the spark that ignites the soul?
Those who can provide answers to these questions, they are the ones who are truly alive. But I lost my spark that day. I lost my purpose, my passion, my love. I lost everything, including myself.
But then I met you both, and everything changed. You who showed me what it means to be truly alive, cherishing every moment because they could very much be your last.
You who carried so much weight on your shoulders, yet never complained and kept on moving forward. You faced the world with courage and resolve, even when it turned its back against you.
To be frank, I still don't know if staying on this earth is a privilege or a curse. I also have no idea if there is anything beyond this life or if I will ever find peace.
But even so, I will keep on living because you both have filled me up with the burning desire to live again."