/---/
"If only you were better for me..."Autumn. Autumn, whenever the wind blows I think of you.
Autumn. Autumn, whoever you meet I will be reminded.
Autumn. Autumn, where had you left me?
/---/
Autumn's eyes.
You gawked for air, tears on your face streaming down into the real world." Is it okay that I missed seeing your face?" you asked while forcing a smile on your fake face. A mask was on your face, it's time to pretend to be not yourself again.
Autumn's deeper smile.
"Is it ever okay to not miss my presence?"Worries started to form."Do you ever miss me?" Her answer must be no.
Autumn's blueish lips pursed.
You stared into the mirror as if by doing so, you could conjure her. This presence of hers, you wanted it so badly once more. As vividly as any lost memory, a serene scene began to unfold in your mind.
You wanted her to be real.
"You are so real- I f-feel so intimidated." Her eyes told the truth.
You were making it all up in your head. She was, in fact, just a crazed part of your own brain.
Nothing was real.
"Nothing about us is wrong- in fact, we are just mirrors to each other.
"The café was nearly empty, save for the low-burning candles on the tables, their flames flickering in the dim light, casting soft, wavering shadows across the room. The air was thick with the scent of coffee, and a quiet stillness hung between you like a secret.
"I am the part of you that wishes things were different."Autumn sat there across from you, engrossed in that peculiar book again, its cover worn and mysterious. Her delicious body proportions and her revealing nature made you sweat out of anticipation.
"You want it."
Her blue and black dress shirt with her thigh-high socks made your emotions swirl. Her eyes refocused on the book.
You were maddened with her.
Stop it.
"What are you exactly reading?" you asked covertly as your brain shut down. Your voice was barely a whisper in the room's quiet. "The future," she replied, her tone soft, almost hesitant, as if she feared breaking the fragile connection between you.
"The darkness of you attracts me."
Her face.
It broke.
She was reading me like a book.
"She was so poisonous to you?"
Her eyes, once warm, now held a distant, almost haunting look—a dead gaze that sent a shiver down your spine.
"You were wanting this poison."
You both were figments of reality-breaking.
"The future?" you echoed chokingly, you tried to run as far as you could from yourself while trying to make sense of her words. Autumn nodded, her fingers absently tracing the edges of her book as if it held all the answers she couldn't quite give voice to.
"This future- Ours. You will do terrible things to yourself to get me to be real."
"I am meant to be forever stuck here in this reality."
You're meant to be mine, Y/N," she said, her voice low but steady. How she said it made it sound less like a declaration and more like a prophecy. Her eyes glittered with the candlelight, drawing you in deeper, pulling you toward her like a moth to a flame.
"You will destroy yourself for my attention while I suck all your positive emotions."
The moth was me trying to go back to my flame.
You fell into a comfortable silence, the kind that felt heavy but with unspoken words. The candle that flickered between you and her, its light danced in her eyes, turning them into molten pools of pure gold. Her black eyes were now no more. You couldn't help but stare, captivated by the way the light transformed her, making her seem otherworldly, almost ethereal.
"I will do anything." Words truer never left your lips.
"I can be anyone." You would sacrifice yourself.
"I just want a chance, my cold autumn."
Was it okay for you to pretend? Was it for her okay to listen to you?
You wanted to ask her everything—who she really was, what she truly wanted from you, why she seemed so familiar yet so distant—but you held back yourself. You reminded yourself that this was just fantasy, a dream you had spun from fragmented longing and loneliness.
You were once a whole person after all.
You are a crazy person now.
It wasn't really okay for you to pretend. But it felt so good, so right, that you couldn't stop yourself.
It drugged you to pretend to be happier than you actually were with it.
But it was in order to protect yourself from loneliness.
Your eyes began to sting, tears welling up as reality slowly crept back in. You blinked, and the café faded, the warmth of the candlelight replaced by the cold, harsh glare of the bathroom mirror. You looked at yourself—really looked—and saw someone broken, someone who had invested too much in a fantasy that could never be.
A girl with no face.
A boy with no mouth.
/---/
You had let yourself get lost in a dream, and now it was time to wake up.
But waking up didn't mean you could just walk away.
A gentle light reached your eyes, like a distant star that refused to be ignored. The sun woke you from a trance. It dangled before you, almost a promise, almost real. You wanted to believe in it, wanted to chase it even though you knew better. These daydreams were so vivid, so close to reality that you could almost touch them.
That you could touch her.
Smell her.
Smile at her.
Autumn.
You wanted to find Autumn, to know her, to understand her. The thought of her lingered in your mind, like a melody you couldn't get out of your head. It was an obsession, a compulsion that you couldn't shake.
You wanted to be her sun.
You wanted to be her everything but you knew deep down it wasn't real.
But even as you reached out, you knew she wasn't real—at least, not in the way you needed her to be. She was a figment of your imagination, a creation of your own longing.
Loneliness and romance go hand in hand.
Yet as the desire burned to find her, to make her real; was irrational. Your whole body shook with that. Inside of you, the dark nature was relentless and consuming. The impossible feeling would be everything you'd want.
Everything you hated and adored at the same time.
You wished she was the real one and you were fake.
It-
would-
break-
you.
You wanted to find Autumn. And deep down, you feared what it meant that you couldn't let go.
Days passed, but the thought of Autumn clung to you like a shadow.
You went through the motions of life. Work, errands, conversations but they all felt distant, as if you were moving through a world that wasn't quite your own.
Autumn, oh, autumn arrived.
/---/
You sat there quietly in your work alone at the desk.
"How's work going?" The dead computer sounds in your ears as you'd imagine again.
"I hate it here."
Every quiet moment was filled with thoughts of her. She had become a constant presence in your mind, an echo of something you couldn't quite grasp. You began to wonder if she was more than just a figment of your imagination. Was she a memory? A ghost? Or something else entirely?
"Then quit, start fresh."
"I am too old for that now."
You were figmenting the scenario like always while typing away at your work as your self-worth fell.
The line between reality and fantasy blurred further each day. You found yourself drawn to places that reminded you of that café, though you had never been there. Every time you entered a new café, your heart would race with the hope that you might see her sitting in a corner, reading her odd book, her eyes flickering with candlelight.
You never were at a café or bar.
But she was never there.
One day-to-night job later, you dreamt of her again. This time, it was different. The daydream was clearer, and more reality-bending than ever before. You were back in the café, but the atmosphere had changed. The room was warmer, almost glowing She looked up at you as you approached, her eyes no longer vacant but filled with a warmth that made your chest tighten.
She was looking at your life story with a smile.
You will accept her this time.
"You came back," she said, her voice soft and inviting. She knew this would happen again."Of course," you replied, feeling an odd mix of relief and apprehension. "I had to." A sense of defeat was there, even some sort of weakness.
An offer to be destroyed.
She smiled a genuine smile this time and gestured for you to sit across from her. As you did, you felt an overwhelming sense of peace, as if you were exactly where you were meant to be.
"I knew you would find me," Autumn said, her gaze steady and knowing.
"What are you?" The question slipped out before you could stop it.
Her eyes flashed in your mind as the computer started to break while you typed your life away.
She tilted her head slightly as if considering her answer. "I'm a part of you, and yet, I'm something more. I'm what you need me to be."
The words that made your heart skip a beat. "But why? Why do I keep seeing you? Why can't I let go?"
Autumn reached across the table and took your hand in her soft, graceful hands. Her touch was warm, real, and grounding. "You're searching for something, Y/N. Something you've lost, or maybe something you've never had. I'm here to help you find it."
The vibrant colors were drained.
The computer stopped working.
"But you're not real," you whispered, though even as you said it, doubt crept in. "Are you?"
Autumn's smile remained, but there was a sadness in her eyes now. "Does it matter? Real or not, I'm here. I'm with you."
You wanted to argue, to demand answers, but the words caught in your throat. Instead, you simply sat there, holding her hand, feeling the weight of her presence as if she were as real as anything else in your life.
The old world lost colors.
For the first time, you felt like you didn't need to understand. It was enough that she was there, that she had found a way to you, or perhaps that you had found a way to her."
Did it matter the first time?
"When you woke up, the dream lingered in your mind, more tangible than any before. You could still feel the warmth of her hand, the softness of her voice echoing in your ears. The world felt different as if something had shifted inside you.
"Did it matter when you first looked into my eyes?"
That day, you found yourself drawn to an unfamiliar part of the city. It was as if your feet had a mind of their own, guiding you down streets and alleyways until you reached a small, unassuming café. The windows were fogged from the warmth inside, and the sign above the door was faded, its name barely legible.
"Did it matter that I was just a story?"
She was leading you somewhere else.
You hesitated for a moment before pushing the door open. The soft chime of a bell greeted you as you stepped inside. The café was quiet, with only a few patrons scattered at the tables. The air was warm, filled with the comforting aroma of coffee and freshly baked pastries.
It was not your world.
And there, in the corner, was Autumn.
She was just as you had imagined—or remembered—her. The same dark hair, the same mysterious book on the table in front of her. But this time, when she looked up, her eyes were filled with recognition.
You realized home was no longer home.
"Y/N," she said, her voice carrying across the room like a melody. "You found me."
You needed this.
Your heart pounded in your chest as you made your way to her table. You weren't sure what was real anymore, but in that moment, it didn't matter. Autumn was here, and so were you.
"Autumn, I...-"
You sat down across from her, just like in the dream. The candle on the table flickered softly, casting a warm glow over both of you.
A karmic meeting.
You were filled with abundant relief.
"Is this real?" you asked, your voice barely a whisper.
Or ... it was just your mind ready for asylum.
Autumn reached out and took your hand in hers, just as she had in the dream. Her touch was warm, grounding you in the moment.
Autumn knew what she did.
"Does it matter?" she replied, echoing her words from the dream. "I'm here. We're here. That's all that matters."
Reality fragmented as you accepted her gradience.
And for the first time in a long while, you felt like it was enough.
"You will now do as I say, my little soldier boy."
"Yes, my dear autumn wind."
/---/