His mistake hadn't yet registered, as he finished cleaning up. Seemingly not annoyed at my lack of assistance in the mess I'd made. If it hadn't been so long since I'd heard my name. Even I might have missed it. Lost deep in my own memories a moment ago, how could I not be a bit sensitive.
Well, Xian had not only sparked a memory. In one smooth sweep he had reminded me of the shapeshifting peoples of this world. Then promptly outed himself as one. Such an efficient man he is. Even if he simply had the ability to converse with animals, would my name have been so ready on his tongue. My name felt like the least important information to be gathered. After the hours of babbling, I'd done to my little hawk friend. I'd like to think I gave juicer stuff then a name I couldn't even use anymore.
Xian glanced at me, his eyes shifting into an uneasy look. A frown had unknowingly settled onto my face. The original Orion's trademark glower shooting its pointed judgement towards Xian. He returned the scowl with a doe eyed innocence. He paused as if reflecting on himself, to decipher where my sudden mood had come from. He'd sat quietly and let me go on enough times. I think I'll let him sit with this a moment. Revealing this shared secret isn't to my benefit anyway.
I get up and go back to my desk, acting as if I'd lost interest in our break. He sits there a moment longer frowning to himself. I almost miss the moment his eyes suddenly go wide. I feel the corner of my mouth twitch. I try and resist the smirk his reaction creates. I return my eyes to my work, listening to him tidy up our snack table and put everything away.
Xian clear's his throat to draw my attention. He's set himself kneeling in front of the desk. Like a student awaiting punishment. His furrowed brows gave a look of defiance, that didn't quite match the anxious purse of his lip and fidgeting hands.
I wet my lips looking up idly, "Yes?"
"...."
"Isn't kneeling a sign of guilt. What are you sorry about?"
"...."
Sighing, "Say something, or get up already."
"Haven't you studied this world. Why do I have to say it."
This stubborn pigeon, "I forgot until just now! Was I supposed to assume every creature is a person? Then bring the horses in I'd like to talk with them while I'm at it."
"...."
Is he trying to admit something or just fight me. At this rate, it was easier getting along with the beaked version.
"I was trying to process a lot at the time. You were the first thing- person sorry- I'd met. How could I have known? What kind of great luck I must have."
"...."
He'd closed his eyes as I spoke. As he slowly opened them again, he let out a heavy breath. I suddenly felt the need to kneel as well. Getting up from my desk, I join him on the floor. Better to exist on the same ground. There isn't a right or wrong to be won, just an ally to be lost.
Might as well address it all then, "You did a lot for me when I first woke up. I don't think I can repay you, but at least let me give my thanks."
"..."
"You've even gone out of your way to keep me company these days."
"..."
"Bird bro I beg you, you've revealed your human face. Don't make me go back, to having one-sided conversations."
"I haven't shared your secret." He seemed to be pouting.
"I thank you-"
"Who would believe the nonsense you've said."
"...." It was my turn to be at a loss.
"I do believe you though."
Oh. His eyes meet mine. I see not a sliver of doubt in his amber eyes.
"You have also shown unending goodwill to me. Going as far as the reckless and risky trick you pulled in the forest."
"Ahh that's fair, any grievances. Let them out-"
"Do know how shocking that was! To have to rush back, to say the person under my watch. Had been kidnapped! Then to have the horses find their way home before you. I've never failed a task so spectacularly."
"Many apologies. Though I think it's only fair to say. The knife welding shorty and company are to blame."
I hesitate to add the question on my mind. Why he hadn't just changed shape and helped me back then. Are his abilities a secret that couldn't be shared so easily. He must have had no other choice if he had flown back in such a rush. Right? Perhaps his or the Division's secrets were simply more valuable than my life. I couldn't fault him or the Division for that. Perhaps his regrets had come after I'd joined and make a one-sided confidant out of him. I'm unwilling to risk inquiring past my pay grade, what right do I have to ask for truth. I'm a liar playing another's part poorly. Xian's arrow straight posture falters a bit, as his shoulder's slump.
"I wasn't sure if revealing myself would put you under more stress. So, I wanted to wait for you to settle in."
"This job, did you have a hand in it? So, it would be easy to waltz in when you saw fit." My words come out shaper then I intend.
He shakes his head, "Master Liaud thought it up. He investigated you on his own. If your branch hadn't been so swift, he would have drafted you to ours."
"Why would he do that so readily?"
"He's a wise man. I've worked under him for years. He noticed I saw something in you, so he followed suit."
I can see Xian's unwavering trust in the scholarly leader of his branch.
"He saw my potential for desk work. That adds up, not suspicious- "
He chides me as gently as an old friend, "Your minds trying to outrun you."
He's not wrong. I hadn't even noticed my paranoid nature was starting to spin my thoughts into overdrive. I can feel my heart thrumming in my ears. I try and unclench my hands, that have turned into damp fists.
"You're a good person. Who risked yourself for even the lowliest of our division. Trading your safety for a 'glorified pigeon'."
I swallow wrong at the sudden use of humour. Coughing at both the sincerity and joke I didn't realise he was capable of.
"I think our head agreed as much. Even if you had proven to have a mundane bloodline. Your character was worth scouting you." Xian nods patting my tense hand stiffly.
"You trusted me enough to keep my secret? Really... Mr. hawk please be less trusting after one good deed."
Some of the tension fades as we both relax somewhat. A faint smile creeps into Xian's face. I can't quite name it, but it feels some understanding has been reached. His hand is still barley touching mine, as he speaks.
"You shared your true name with me... Is it alright if I use it?"
My chest seems to ache, "I see no reason why you can't. It could be mistaken for a nickname anyway."
The smile grows brighter. With one more pat on my hand, he withdraws his touch.
"Between us then, Note. Is that sort of name common where you're from?"
I smirk proudly, "No not really. I picked it myself when I was still a student. Its fun having a noun as a name."
He let's out a breathy laugh. I don't bother going on my tormenting people with the fluidity of language spiel.
"It suits you. A name that reminds, to record what's important."
The residual weight in my chest fades. All worries bubbling away as he gives such deep meaning to my name. I can't help but smile. For the first time I'm truly unguarded in front of his human form. I get up from our spot on the floor motioning for him to do the same. His eyes light up a bit as he returns to his full height. Lightly looking down at me.
"Then let me introduce myself properly. I'm Xian, a messenger of the Jaunvei branch. I'm master Liaud's right hand, so if you have any troubles feel free to summon me. I will arrive on foot or wing promptly."
"Are we starting over?"
"No, just making up for wasted time. Now we should really get back to work. Our efficiency is beyond expectation. We might work through all the backlog soon."
Oi Xian you workaholic. Are you trying to un-employ me? After all the good will, we just shared too. I don't bother voicing my complaints just glaring his way. His bright expression doesn't fade simply smiling back at he as he sits at his makeshift workspace at the end of my desk. The hawk who used to sit and keep me company and the awkward Mr. Perfect eyeliner blend into one. The distance between us has faded completely. Though Lise and her little crew have all become dear little siblings to me. Xian is officially my first true ally. Maybe even friend, in time. Emotional support animorph?
Xian's words become prophecy within the month we whiz through the backlog of work I was initially handed. Though he clearly has other things to do Xian begins to spend more time around outside of work. Perhaps he does know how to shirk his duties then. Even after I get handed new things to do that don't require his aid, I see him often. Having someone who knows to explain the various customs and cultures I'm ignorant to. Feels like I unlocked an appendix or cheat guide.
Reign sends me a letter informing me he's found a new potential recruit. His words seem eager as he hopes I can be patient a bit longer. For this new member of our branch to get evaluated and trained. I of course am less then impatient; I hope whoever this new guy is fails miserably. I'm quite happy with desk work. Field work experience not required. I don't want to end up walking right into the exploring fantastical and dangerous place's role, that my branch fulfils. Playing pretend when I was just sitting at my computer is one thing. Having to live it another.
Xian while visiting sits through my anxious panic like a saint. Looking over the letter, the only soothing words he gives me are that he'll sign up to be my squad leader. The companionship is appreciated… but I still don't wanna. I've never been a completionist. All routes needn't be unlocked.
This world seems like its amazing but I'm a reader. I know full well the highs and lows that are out there. Somewhere in this world is my life ending plot. I don't know what, where or why. But I know it's there. Waiting for Lise, waiting for me. The realisation only comes to me then, even if I derive from the original's choices. Can I protect Lise from still finding her way into whatever plot hole needs a dead brother to fill?
Hiding away was easy when I was still sitting in the Inn. Lise and her friends were still just words in a book then. Now those sweet kids, were young people who'd been keeping this old timer company. Forcing me to train, chatting about books with me. Lise was my little sister now. As a child I had wanted nothing more then to be someone's big brother.
I had to accept I couldn't avoid this world. I'd spent so much of my last life avoiding living, perhaps I'd fallen into old habits. I'm apart of the explorer's branch now. Maybe I can find ways to protect myself. Protect Lise, and her friends. I'll have Xian on my side, at least. He seemed like a handy unlockable plot, pretty boy. I'd somehow gotten the cheat codes ahead of schedule, during this peaceful training time skip.
As I think about it in the timeline of events the recruit in my branch could only be 'that' character. Pathosmet's representative in the original plot. The dashing and bold high-born runaway turned adventurer. Ravan! Voted fan favorite in the polls consecutively. Sadly, winning over the sweet son in law Yuka every time. If he's going to end up being who I travel with, I should be in good hands! With Xian the wild magic master and Ravan a noble rogue.
It's like I'm being given front row to judge these potential brothers-in-law for myself. I of course won't approve until Lise is much older. I don't need a sister complex to know no one's good enough to waste her youth on.
After living in this world for nearly half a year. I made a resolution; to try. This world was the fantasy realm I'd spent all my last life wishing I could be in. I'd gotten too used to letting my mind take the darkest road. I'd spent too long thinking things through alone. As if I was still an uninvolved reader. My mind might still hold the same flaws; but this body was strong and healthy. Capable of who knows what magic. The book version hadn't been able to reveal any power but I'd avoided a bit of his tragedy already. Perhaps in this life, all I really need do. Is try to live it. However scary that may be.