"What are you thinking about?"
Martha's voice brought Nicole back to the present. Standing in front of the large window in her house, she stared blankly at the night view of Paris below. A week had passed since she returned from Paris, during which time she had not seen Wu Zhaoyi again.
"Just some old memories." Nicole answered casually with both hands in front of her chest and looked at Martha who had just come out of Xingxing's bedroom. Squinting her eyes as if trying to read Nicole's mind, the woman answered.
"Are you thinking about Xingxing's father?" she asked curiously.
Nicole sighed softly hearing this and smiled faintly, then sat down on one of the chairs in the living room. Martha who saw that, followed her friend and sat down on another sofa with the intention of starting to interrogate Nicole. Through the thick square glasses Martha wore, the curly-haired woman was quite skilled at reading a person's facial expressions and mood, especially when they were in the same room with that person.
"In ten years, I have never seen you this angry." Martha concluded Nicole's behavior over the past week was very different from before, which seemed so cold and could hide her emotions well. "Are you considering getting back together with Xingxing's father?"
Still not answering with words, Nicole replied to Martha with the same smile as before and shook her head.
"Did he confess his feelings to you?"
This time Nicole's face changed, then her smile slowly disappeared.
"Do you like him?" Martha asked directly. "Actually, Nicole, no matter what happened in the past. Although I don't know exactly what it is, I just think you deserve what you want."
Nicole looked at her friend's sincere gaze, as well as her words, "You just need to believe that you deserve it."
If it wasn't related to taking human life, perhaps she wouldn't feel this way.
"I think Xingxing would also be happy if he saw you happy." Martha murmured. "Everyone has the right to be happy while living their own life, as long as they don't disturb others. Because, we only live once."
Nicole looked at Martha with a serious gaze this time, "What do you think can make Xingxing happier?"
Martha moved her body closer to Nicole, "Then, I'll ask you. What makes you happy, Miss Nicole?" When she saw that her friend couldn't answer, Martha spoke again. "Why don't you try opening your heart to anyone?"
"Martha.." Nicole groaned, as if it was not the answer she expected. Then she threw her body onto the soft sofa there and her eyes stared at the ceiling.
"I mean, it doesn't have to be a romantic relationship, Nic." Martha tried to defend herself. "It all started from strangers, becoming friends, then each realized whether they had the same feelings for each other or not."
Nicole's eyes looked blank, but her ears continued to hear the words coming out of her best friend's mouth.
"You're still young, what are you afraid of?" Martha began to explain some reasonable reasons to her best friend. "You're attractive, smart, and most importantly have a lot of money."
Nicole couldn't hold back her laughter when she heard the last thing said by the woman who was several years older than her.
"Why don't you try it once? Maybe that's also the happiness that Xingxing expects from you, seeing you have a partner." Martha shrugged her shoulders as Nicole turned to her, with one hand placed on her forehead lying on the long sofa. "You'll know if it's worth it, if you try it and see the results. If you don't want to do it for yourself, why not do it for Xingxing?"
Nicole had tried to give everything to Xingxing, but maybe what the girl really needed wasn't all of those things. She suddenly tried to go back to the past when she was Xingxing's age, trying to find what she really wanted back then? However, she only got one answer, which was swimming.
"You can't heal if you keep going back to what hurt you." Martha commented, "Be grateful for what you have. That was once the answer to your prayers."
"But.." Hesitation was evident on Nicole's face, especially when she remembered Wu Zhaoxing. She felt as if she didn't have the right to be happy because she had let the girl down.
"Sometimes the worst place you can be is inside your own mind." Martha said trying to convince Nicole, "Recovery is about progress, not perfection."
Nicole's brow furrowed, "But, I did something really bad and unforgivable in the past, Martha."
The woman took a deep breath, "Who hasn't made a big mistake in their life?" Martha answered in a casual tone. Although she knew that the mistake Nicole had said seemed quite serious, she couldn't possibly let her best friend be stuck in the past forever.
"This life is a place for us to learn, where in the process there will be many ups and downs and mistakes that cannot even be forgiven by others, even by ourselves." Martha leaned forward again so that they could look at each other. "But Nicole, isn't the most important thing to learn from mistakes and not do them again?"
They looked at each other, as if starting to exchange a conversation that could only be done through eye contact.
"I'm not a religious person, but if the forgiveness you seek is from humans. Then, you will never get it." Martha gave her opinion from a different perspective. "Because, anyone who is in a position of being hurt, will never forgive, no matter how small the mistake that others have done to them."
Martha then moved her body away from Nicole and sat up straight in her chair, "You are the one who has the power over your own life, not others." Martha folded her arms in front of her chest, "What's the point of living if you don't try to do something you love."
At that time, she thought her life would stop after Wu Zhaoxing's death. However, after meeting Wu Zhaoyi, her life continued. Although, later on, her life was destroyed again.
However, that showed that she actually didn't feel guilty about Xingxing's death. So, the strong reason that made her not want to move forward anymore, was most likely Wu Zhaoyi, not others. If that was the case, why didn't she follow Martha's suggestion to meet new people?
"Okay, let's do it."
Martha's small eyes immediately widened, as did her radiant expression. "Where are you going to start?" great enthusiasm seemed to possess her friend.
"Blind date."
***
"He is a very successful young businessman and owns many hotels and entertainment venues in Paris."
Nicole heard Martha's voice from the other end of the phone, as she entered one of the expensive restaurants in one of the famous hotels, which was the meeting place for her with the man her best friend had been talking about.
"You can ask the receptionist to take you to the table that has been reserved with the name Lucas Reno."
In accordance with her best friend's words, Nicole told the name to the officer on duty at the front and was immediately taken to a special area away from the crowd.
At that time Nicole thought maybe she would sit there first and wait a while for the man to come, but unexpectedly it turned out that he was the one her blind date was waiting for. Nicole stopped beside the table, where the receptionist had taken her and let the man direct his attention first.
"Lucas?" Nicole asked first when the man just stared at her without giving any reaction.
As if realizing that Nicole was waiting for him, the man then stood up from his chair and extended his hand. "Lucas Reno," he said introducing himself and smiling broadly.
Answering the outstretched hand, Nicole answered. "Nicole."
The first impression that crossed Nicole's mind when she met Lucas was that the man was not her type at all. Because, from his appearance and attitude, Nicole could easily classify the man as a player, who only brags a lot and likes to have fun.
However, who knows, when they started spending time together, it turned out that Lucas was slowly able to change Nicole's perception of herself and also about life. From small talk and an hour-long dinner at the hotel at that time, they became colleagues and even best friends. Lucas, who was the same age as Nicole, turned out to have extensive knowledge about the business world and his natural instincts amazed Nicole.
Lucas, who Nicole thought was the type of man who liked to give flowers to girls, turned out to be a workaholic and was more interested in talking about something deep, but in a more relaxed style. Without realizing it, Nicole's life, which felt flat, began to become colorful and alive again. And all that because of the stranger, who is now her best friend, Lucas Reno.
However, without Nicole realizing it, Lucas's gaze, which had previously looked at her calmly, changed into a deep gaze. The phone call that had previously been about work, turned into a simple question about how she was going through her days. A quick lunch in between their busy schedules, turned into a long chat in Nicole's office.
Then, Nicole finally realized that Lucas Reno liked her. The question that remained was, what about Nicole? Does Nicole feel the same way about Lucas Reno?
***