Upon waking up again, Theodor felt overwhelmed by the stimuli around him. The noises were too strong and the scents were too spicy. To make it worse, blurry silhouettes kept passing in front of him without paying him any attention.
Only a few minutes later he could gradually relax, realizing nobody cared about him.
'Wait, nobody cares about me while I can't move? Isn't that sure death? Am I still lying on the highway and everyone ignores my corpse?'
And the anxiety returned. Theodor never had a good opinion about humanity, but ignoring a severely wounded man was too much! However, since there was nothing he could do about it, he simply waited impatiently, hoping someone would call an ambulance.
"Ah, excuse me, Sir, is it your son?" He suddenly heard a feminine voice nearby.
I'm not at the highway? Does that mean my father is around?' Hope started burning in his chest. His intuition told him the lady was referring to him. If his parents were here, it'd mean he should be safe.
"No, some drunkard dumped that baby here and left," a masculine voice answered shortly, clearly uninterested. Maybe he saw many abandoned babies in his life.
'A drunkard left me here? and he referred to me as a 'baby'?' the more Theodor heard, the more bewildered he became. He could tell they were talking about him by the way the sound drifted to his ears. They looked at him while speaking.
"I will take him with me then," the woman said.
"Go ahead."
Her gentle steps got closer until a human towered above the baby. The difference in size made Theodor realize that either only his head remained behind or he was truly a baby. The human crouched and lifted him easily, including whatever he was resting on.
Fast forward, Theodor learned that the human was a woman, something that eluded him earlier due to his blurry sight. Her name was Veronica and she was traveling alongside a talkative woman called Maria, chasing their aspirations to open a female-only sect in some shithole that had no resources whatsoever.
Even if the young man, now a baby, was a complete idiot, it would be hard not to understand what was going on given his rich expertise with anime and fantasy novels. His soul was reincarnated and now it resides in this baby's body. It would also explain his weak senses, babies need time to develop them fully.
Another unfortunate thing Theodor learned was that he was talentless. While he didn't know the details, the women somehow tested his aptitude for cultivation and found it to be non-existent. It didn't make him sad, though. Many protagonists found themselves without talent only to receive their golden fingers sometime later.
'Have you ever heard of a protagonist that had no powers by the end of the first arc?' The baby rationalized it in his head. 'Or maybe those who reincarnated without powers remain unknown because nobody wants to read about them?'
His philosophical questions were rather nonsensical. The authors chose what to write about, and they had no idea whether people had reincarnated or not.
"Wait here, I will be right back and feed you," the woman cawed at him sweetly before touching his nose gently. She returned an hour afterward and carried him out of his cradle into her embrace.
She then took out a white milky pill and swallowed it. From the women's conversation earlier, Theodor guessed it must be the Milk Pill, which would probably make her lactate. Only then did he realize he was indeed starving.
The woman loosened her robes and pulled them aside, revealing a round breast bigger than Theodor's head. He might not have had sexual drive as a baby, but his rationale from his previous life could tell this woman worked out frequently, keeping her body firm and shapely.
Veronica supported his neck by having one hand under his head, and she pressed him gently against her breast, letting him empty her breasts from the pressure of the accumulating milk. This single pill would make her lactate for the next few months, so there was no risk of running out of food for the child.
"Mmm…" she moaned gently as she bit her lower lip to stop herself from making lewd voices. She felt like this baby was rather naughty. It didn't just vie for food, it teased her sensitive spot with its tongue!
'Forget it, that can't be intentional…' she stroked the baby's head gently. It wasn't like she had breastfed someone before, so she had no idea if it was normal.
Meanwhile, Theodor felt enlightened. Those were boobs! Real boobs! He had never touched them before! He tried to lick, suck, and bite. He pulled, pushed, and squeezed.
'Argh, that's better than any stress-relieving rubber…' he thought. But soon he had enough, making him reluctantly stop.
Just the baby pondered about how pitiful he was, only able to secure boobs for himself as a baby but not as an adult, some translucent windows popped in front of his eyes, and the ding of a bell resounded in his mind.
*Ding!*
[Achievement: Somebody Likes You!]
[You were embraced by a woman for the first time, you get one year of cultivation.]
*Ding!*
[Achievement: Boobies!]
[You have touched a woman's breasts for the first time, you get five years of cultivation.]
*Ding!*
[Achievement: Sucker!]
[You have sucked on a woman's breasts for the first time, you get ten years of cultivation.]
*Ding!*
[Achievement: The Primordial Feast[
[You have sucked on lactating breasts for the first time, you get fifteen years of cultivation.]
'What the hell?' Theodor's eyes widened in amazement.
First of all, that was amazing!
He just earned 31 years of cultivation by being breastfed, which would put him at the forefront of his generation.
'Though… why don't I feel anything different?'
After the initial excitement, Theodor realized he was the same helpless baby. His adoptive mommies also did not notice anything different about him, and they would most likely find out if the random baby they picked up off the street turned into a genius out of nowhere.
'Could it be because I have no aptitude for cultivation?' Theodor pondered. The thought made his heart sink. That would be the worst loophole ever of a golden finger if that was true. No matter how many years he earns, he will forever remain a powerless mortal.
'But that's impossible, systems are always given by the lords of the world, hot goddesses, or the heavens themselves. How could they be so unreliable and make a basic mistake?'
If he had abysmal talent, it'd be possible to advance by accumulating a lot of years through the system. It would be tragic, but not a thankless job like cultivating for numerous years without results.
Theodor, not believing the entity that had gifted him with the system could be so silly, decided to reread the notifications and see if he could find any clue to his predicament.
'Boobies? Sucker? Somebody Likes You?'
Earlier, the baby only concentrated on the achievement's description and the prize detailed in it, so he did not pay any heed to the achievements' names. But now…
'What kind of names are those?! Can the heavens be so… so…' He did not even know how to complete that sentence. Would a lord of the world exclaim 'Boobies!' like a horny teen watching porn for the first time?!
'And what the heck is the primordial feast?' Such an undependable being gave him this system, maybe they made a stupid mistake and forgot to take into account his lack of aptitude!
The thought alone was enough to make him depressed, but he gritted his toothless gums gently, only enough to show his determination as it would hurt to do it too hard, and tried shouting things in his mind.
'System Panel!'
'Appear!'
'Status!'
Theodor brought up a few words instantly, so he was not sure which one worked. Most importantly, something worked.
[Unnamed System]
[Locked]
'Huh? Locked? How do I unlock it then?'
Theodor found himself rather perplexed regarding the situation, but the system seemed to be adamant about ignoring his questions, leaving him with no choice but to set the matter aside. Researching the system further would be possible in the future, there was still a long childhood ahead of him.
"Let's process the beasts," Veronica suddenly spoke, breaking his line of thoughts. Of course, that had nothing to do with him, he was sent back to his cradle to burp and get some rest. His eyelids were already heavy after the meal.
"Sure thing! We can conquer the whole mountain range within a month or two."
Over the course of the next few days, the two ladies worked hard to chase away the local beasts and kill those who refused to migrate somewhere else. While it sounded cruel, conquering lands was part of nature. A stronger beast would claim territories for itself and banish its competitors, and currently, Veronica and Maria were the strongest in the area.
Veronica ensured to descend from the mountain every few days to exchange meat and beast hide for vegetables and other products, all to balance her diet to prevent harm from coming to the baby consuming her milk.
It didn't take long for Theodor to recognize Veronica as a kind-hearted woman. The efforts she displayed were more than enough to move his heart.