As the Throbbing Thrust cruised through the starry expanse, its crew basking in the afterglow of their Tantric Nebula escapade, an urgent transmission crackled through the ship's communication system.
"Attention Cosmic Pleasure Police!" a panicked voice blared. "This is an SOS from the planet Prudoria in the Chastity Belt Galaxy. We're experiencing a crisis of... of..."
"Of what?" Zephyr demanded, snapping to attention. "Spit it out!"
"Of horniness!" the voice wailed. "Ever since your 'balancing act,' our planet has been overwhelmed with uncontrollable urges. Our anti-libido shields are failing. We're drowning in a sea of repressed desires!"
Casanova snorted. "Sounds less like a crisis and more like a good Friday night to me."
"Focus, Casanova," Zephyr chided, though he couldn't entirely suppress a smirk. "This is serious. Luna, set a course for Prudoria. It seems our work isn't quite done yet."
As the ship changed direction, Jim approached Zephyr, wringing his mop nervously. "Uh, Captain? I couldn't help but overhear. Are we really calling ourselves the Cosmic Pleasure Police now?"
"Well," Zephyr shrugged, "it does have a certain ring to it. Better than 'Intergalactic Orgy Orchestrators' or 'Guardians of the Galactic Groin,' I suppose."
"I still think we should go with 'Masters of the Universe's G-Spot,'" AL chimed in. "It's got gravitas."
Luna rolled her eyes. "Let's table the branding discussion for later. We're approaching Prudoria, and... oh my."
The viewscreen filled with an image of a planet that seemed to be vibrating. Literally. The entire sphere pulsated with a rhythmic, almost hypnotic motion.
"Well," Casanova whistled, "I've heard of the earth moving during good sex, but this is ridiculous."
"Scanners indicate massive seismic activity," Luna reported, her antennae twitching wildly. "And the atmospheric composition is... 90% pheromones? How is that even possible?"
"Prudoria, this is the... er, Cosmic Pleasure Police," Zephyr announced, stumbling slightly over the new title. "We're here to help. What's your situation?"
The response came in gasps and moans. "Thank the chaste heavens you're here! It's chaos! The Purity Towers are spewing aphrodisiacs. The Virtue Vaults have turned into spontaneous orgies. Even our most devout No-Fun Nuns are... are..."
"Are what?" Zephyr prompted.
"They're fun now!" the voice wailed in despair.
Zephyr pinched the bridge of his nose. "Right. We're coming in for landing. Brace yourselves, team. This might get sticky. And I mean that in every possible way."
As the Throbbing Thrust descended through Prudoria's pheromone-laden atmosphere, the effects on the crew were immediate and intense.
"Is it hot in here, or is it just me?" Jim asked, his mop suddenly looking very... suggestive.
"It's definitely not just you," Luna panted, her skin flushing a deep shade of purple.
"Focus, people!" Zephyr commanded, though he couldn't help but notice how the ship's control panel suddenly looked very... strokeable. "We have a job to do. We need to find the source of this... this..."
"Fuck-pocalypse?" Casanova suggested helpfully.
"I was going to say 'libidinal anomaly,' but sure, let's go with that," Zephyr sighed.
As they stepped off the ship, the full impact of Prudoria's crisis hit them. The streets were filled with writhing bodies, every surface seemed to be vibrating, and the air was thick with the scent of desire.
"Sweet mother of mammaries," Casanova breathed, his eyes wide. "It's like every wet dream I've ever had come to life."
"Stay focused," Zephyr reminded him, though he couldn't help but feel a bit... distracted himself. "We need to find the planet's leaders. Maybe they can shed some light on what's happening."
They made their way through the chaos, dodging flying undergarments and avoiding suspiciously slippery puddles. Finally, they reached the planet's central government building, now renamed the "Palace of Perpetual Pleasure."
Inside, they found the planet's ruling council in a state of... disarray. The Chief Prude was tangled in a compromising position with the Minister of Chastity, while the Secretary of Abstinence was doing things with the official seal that were definitely not in the job description.
"Ahem," Zephyr coughed loudly, trying to get their attention. "Excuse me? Cosmic Pleasure Police here. We're responding to your distress call."
The Chief Prude looked up, his face flushed. "Oh, thank the prudish heavens! You have to help us. Ever since your 'cosmic balancing act,' our planet has been in chaos. All our carefully cultivated repression, all our meticulously maintained inhibitions... gone in a flash of universal horniness!"
Luna stepped forward, her scientific curiosity overriding her own arousal. "Fascinating. It seems the influx of balanced sexual energy has caused a sort of... snapback effect. All your pent-up desires have been released at once."
"But why?" the Minister of Chastity wailed, trying unsuccessfully to disentangle herself from the Chief Prude. "We were perfectly happy in our state of perpetual denial!"
"Were you, though?" Casanova asked, raising an eyebrow. "Because from where I'm standing – which is admittedly in a puddle of something I'd rather not identify – it looks like you were all one gentle breeze away from a planet-wide orgy."
"He's not wrong," AL chimed in through their communicators. "My analysis shows that Prudoria was a powder keg of repressed sexuality. The balanced energy we introduced was just the spark that set it off."
Zephyr nodded, trying to piece together a solution. "Alright, so we need to find a way to... what? Reintroduce some inhibitions? Give them back their ability to say 'no' once in a while?"
"But how?" Luna asked. "We can't exactly undo the effects of the cosmic balancing. And even if we could, it might cause problems elsewhere in the universe."
As they pondered their dilemma, Jim spoke up. "Um, I might have an idea. It's a bit out there, but..."
Everyone turned to look at the janitor in surprise. Jim gulped and continued, "Well, back on my home planet, we had this saying: 'The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.' What if we... introduced a new obsession? Something to distract them from all the sex?"
Zephyr blinked. "That's... actually not a bad idea. But what could possibly be compelling enough to distract an entire planet from the joys of uninhibited pleasure?"
Casanova snapped his fingers. "I've got it! Competitive knitting!"
The room fell silent, everyone staring at him in disbelief.
"No, hear me out," Casanova insisted. "It's perfect. It's mind-numbingly boring, requires intense concentration, and keeps both hands busy at all times. Plus, all that yarn will soak up the... fluids."
"That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard," Luna said flatly. Then she paused, her antennae twitching thoughtfully. "Which means it just might work."
And so, in what would go down in galactic history as one of the strangest interventions ever, the crew of the Throbbing Thrust set about introducing the art of competitive knitting to the sex-crazed populace of Prudoria.
To everyone's amazement, it worked. Within days, the streets were filled not with writhing bodies, but with people furiously clicking knitting needles. The Purity Towers were draped in half-finished scarves, and the Virtue Vaults became storage for the planet's rapidly growing yarn reserves.
As they prepared to leave Prudoria, now renamed "Knitoria" by its newly yarn-obsessed inhabitants, Zephyr couldn't help but shake his head in wonder.
"I can't believe that actually worked," he mused, watching as a group of former orgy enthusiasts argued passionately about the merits of various stitch patterns.
"Never underestimate the power of a good distraction," Casanova grinned. "Though I have to say, I think I prefer the old Prudoria. At least their moans were more interesting than 'Oh no, I dropped a stitch!'"
As the Throbbing Thrust lifted off, leaving behind a planet more interested in purling than perversion, the crew couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment. They had once again brought balance to the cosmic libido, even if it was in the most unexpected way possible.
"So," Luna asked as they cleared Knitoria's atmosphere, "where to next? Another planet in need of sexual liberation? Or perhaps one that needs to cool off a bit?"
Zephyr leaned back in his captain's chair, a mischievous glint in his eye. "Actually, I was thinking we might take a little detour. I hear there's a quasar on the edge of the galaxy that's supposed to be quite... stimulating."