As the Throbbing Thrust cruised through the inky void of space, its crew basked in the afterglow of their success in the Karma Sutra Cluster. Casanova was attempting to recreate some of the more ambitious positions he'd learned, much to the amusement (and occasional horror) of his crewmates.
"I call this one 'The Supernova Squeeze,'" he announced, contorting his body into a shape that defied both physics and common sense.
"I call it 'An Accident Waiting to Happen,'" Jim muttered, already mentally preparing himself for the inevitable cleanup.
Suddenly, the ship's alarms blared to life, startling Casanova out of his precarious pose and sending him tumbling to the floor.
"What in the name of blue balls is going on?" Zephyr demanded, rushing to the bridge.
AL's holographic form materialized, looking uncharacteristically concerned. "Captain, we're receiving a distress signal from a nearby planet. It's... well, it's Prudoria."
A hush fell over the crew. Prudoria, the planet that had started their whole adventure, the world they'd freed from the tyrannical grip of sexual repression. What could have gone wrong?
"Play the message, AL," Zephyr ordered, his voice tight with worry.
A familiar voice crackled through the ship's speakers, filled with desperation and... was that embarrassment? "This is Queen Luscious Labia of Prudoria. We need help. The pendulum has swung too far. Our people are... they're... oh, it's too horrible to say. Please, Cosmic Pleasure Police, save us from ourselves!"
The message cut off abruptly, leaving the crew in stunned silence.
"Well," Casanova said, breaking the tension, "looks like they've gone from 'No Nut November' to 'Destroy Dick December' in record time."
Luna smacked him upside the head with one of her tentacles. "This is serious, Casanova. We could be facing a planet-wide crisis of oversexualization."
"Is that even possible?" Jim wondered aloud, immediately regretting the question as Casanova opened his mouth to respond.
Zephyr cut him off before he could start. "We're about to find out. Set a course for Prudoria, maximum thrust."
As the Throbbing Thrust approached Prudoria, the crew gathered on the bridge, steeling themselves for whatever awaited them. The once-pristine planet now seemed to shimmer with an almost feverish energy.
"I'm picking up some strange readings," Luna reported, her antennae twitching nervously. "The planet's core temperature has risen significantly, and there are unusual seismic activities all over the surface."
"Maybe they're just having a really good time?" Casanova suggested weakly.
As they entered Prudoria's atmosphere, the true extent of the situation became clear. The streets were empty, but the air was filled with a cacophony of moans, groans, and other sounds that made even Casanova blush.
They landed outside the royal palace, which now resembled a cross between a bordello and a modern art installation dedicated to phalluses. As they disembarked, they were greeted by a harried-looking Queen Luscious Labia, her once-regal attire now disheveled and stained with substances they chose not to identify.
"Oh, thank the cosmic clitoris you're here!" she exclaimed, throwing herself into Zephyr's arms. "It's a disaster! Ever since you freed us from the Anti-Pleasure League, things have gotten out of hand. Our people can't stop... you know."
"Fucking?" Casanova supplied helpfully, earning glares from his crewmates.
"Yes, that," the Queen sighed. "At first, it was wonderful. Everyone was exploring their newfound freedom. But now... now they've lost all control. Nobody's working, nobody's eating or sleeping. They're just... at it... all the time."
Luna's scientific curiosity overrode her discomfort. "Fascinating. It seems the years of repression have resulted in a massive overcorrection. Their bodies are trying to make up for lost time, so to speak."
"That's all very interesting," Jim interjected, "but how do we stop it? I don't fancy mopping up after an entire planet's worth of... enthusiasm."
Zephyr stroked his chin thoughtfully. "We need to find a way to bring balance. To show them that there's more to life than constant physical gratification."
"But how?" the Queen asked, desperation clear in her voice. "We've tried everything. Cold showers, anti-aphrodisiacs, even mandatory viewings of 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians.' Nothing works!"
Casanova's eyes lit up. "I've got it! What's the opposite of sex?"
The crew looked at him blankly.
"Taxes!" he exclaimed triumphantly. "Nothing kills the mood like having to file a 1099-INT form, am I right?"
To everyone's surprise, Zephyr nodded slowly. "You know, that's not a bad idea. Not taxes specifically, but maybe we need to remind them of the mundane aspects of life. The things that balance out the pleasure with... well, reality."
And so began Operation Buzzkill. The crew of the Throbbing Thrust, with the help of Queen Luscious Labia and the few Prudorians who could still walk straight, set about implementing their plan.
They started by broadcasting a series of public service announcements featuring the most boring, unsexy topics they could think of. "Are you tired of mind-blowing orgasms?" one ad began. "Try balancing your checkbook instead!"
Next, they set up mandatory classes on topics like proper dental hygiene, the history of beige paint, and the fascinating world of watching grass grow. Slowly but surely, the constant moans of pleasure began to be interspersed with yawns of boredom.
Luna developed a series of holographic simulations designed to remind people of the less glamorous aspects of sexuality. "Remember," her soothing voice intoned over images of awkward first dates and walks of shame, "for every mind-blowing climax, there's a wet spot on the bed."
Jim, much to his chagrin, found himself teaching classes on the proper care and maintenance of various cleaning implements. "The key to a truly satisfying life," he deadpanned to a group of glassy-eyed Prudorians, "is a well-organized mop bucket."
Even AL got in on the action, using his vast database to bore people into submission with endless recitations of pi and detailed explanations of the intricacies of quantum mechanics.
Casanova, surprisingly, turned out to be their secret weapon. His tales of sexual conquests, once considered scandalous, now served as cautionary tales. "And then," he'd say to a rapt audience, "I had to explain to the Zorgon Queen why I couldn't get her slime out of my favorite pair of pants. Do you know how much dry cleaning costs in the Andromeda galaxy?"
As the days wore on, a change began to come over Prudoria. The constant orgy slowly gave way to more balanced activities. People remembered the joys of a good night's sleep, the satisfaction of a job well done, and the simple pleasure of a meal that didn't involve whipped cream and strategically placed cherries.
Finally, after weeks of hard work (and some of the least erotic experiences of their lives), the crew of the Throbbing Thrust gathered with Queen Luscious Labia to assess their progress.
"I can't thank you enough," the Queen said, looking more regal and put-together than she had in weeks. "You've saved our planet once again. We've finally found balance."
Zephyr smiled, a hint of pride in his eyes. "We're just glad we could help. Remember, moderation in all things - even pleasure."
As they prepared to depart, Casanova turned to the Queen with a mischievous glint in his eye. "You know, Your Majesty, if you ever need a refresher course in moderation, I'd be happy to provide some... private tutoring."
The Queen's cheeks flushed, but before she could respond, Jim grabbed Casanova by the ear and dragged him towards the ship. "Oh no, you don't. The last thing we need is to undo all our hard work."
As the Throbbing Thrust lifted off from Prudoria's surface, the crew couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment. They had faced their greatest challenge yet and emerged victorious.
"You know," Luna mused as they entered orbit, "I think we've learned something important here. Sexual liberation is great, but it's the balance of all life's experiences that truly makes us fulfilled."
"Speak for yourself," Casanova grumbled, still nursing his sore ear. "I haven't been this sexually frustrated since that unfortunate incident with the Venusian Venus Flytrap."
Zephyr chuckled, settling into his captain's chair. "Well, crew, where to next? What other sexual misadventures await us in the vast, kinky cosmos?"
As if in answer, the ship's communication system crackled to life. "Incoming transmission from Cosmic Command," AL announced.
The crew exchanged nervous glances. A call from headquarters could only mean one thing: their next mission was about to begin. And in a universe as vast and varied as this one, who knew what bizarre sexual conundrums they'd face next?