I just had a brief chat with him. So thinking like this gives a sense of incongruity. But whenever I think of him, for some reason there is a feeling of nostalgia.
"Why is it like this?"
The feeling of being influenced by this kind of hard-to-understand emotion. My emotions haven't fluctuated much recently, so I feel even more restless.
And then - I suddenly remember that when I'm with her, it's very relaxing. She can always make up for my deficiencies and always consider things for me in advance.
"But... Thinking like this seems to be being indecisive. What a loser."
Quite a long time has passed. I thought I had already sorted out my feelings. But just by slightly touching the edge, memories emerge one after another like pulling out a radish.
"And he is not at all like Shiori. Why do memories become confused here?"
Will I understand if we meet again? No, better not think about it. Right now it must just be because of loneliness. When the cold eases, such memories will disappear sooner or later too.
"Hey, Ben! What are you muttering about? Are you feeling so unwell? Hey, it rang just now, right. Take your temperature. How many degrees is it?"
"Carl?"
The ceiling I was staring at blankly is suddenly blocked. I blink. The face in front shows a helpless expression.
"Don't call me in a questioning tone. Seriously. How many days have you been lying here? That's why I said you're not suited for living alone."
Carl, disregarding the confused me, skillfully puts his hand under my neck and replaces the warmed thing with a cold ice pillow.
"When did you come?"
"Just now. I greeted you, didn't I? Don't you remember?"
Carl wipes away the sweat on my forehead where I'm frowning, puts on a fever-reducing patch, picks up the thermometer handed over and sighs deeply.
"...Thirty-seven point nine degrees. Still a bit of a fever."
"It has dropped a lot already."
That day, when taking my temperature, it exceeded thirty-eight degrees and was almost reaching thirty-nine degrees.
"Don't be so smug."
However, Carl frowns deeply and forcefully pulls the quilt up to my chin.
"You, what about your work?"
"I asked for leave. Your mother said she couldn't contact you and was worried something might have happened to you, so she called me."
"Mom? Did she call you on purpose?"
While listening to Carl's words blankly, I suddenly remember missing celebrating my mother's birthday. I've probably been lying here for about three days. Except for calling my workplace this morning, I've been sleeping all the time, so I didn't notice the mobile phone and the home phone ringing.
"The key, did you use the spare key?"
"Yes. She said it might be an emergency and asked me to use the spare key to enter. It's snowing heavily where your hometown is, right. It's difficult to get out from there, after all it's in the countryside."
"So that's how it is."
If it really snows and accumulates there, one won't be able to move. I picture in my mind everyone in a flurry shoveling snow.
"Did you eat anything while resting? I'm borrowing the kitchen now. Eat this and then take the medicine."
"Ah, sorry. Carl must be very busy too."
"Don't worry. There are a lot of people in my place who can replace me."
Carl says this, gently pats my forehead a few times with his palm and then walks out of the room. Looking at his back, I casually look up at the clock. It's already past three o'clock. I count the days with my groggy mind. If I remember correctly, today should be Monday.
"Obviously usually whether resting or not, you're very busy."
Carl is usually casual and careless, but he is a coordinating director in his workplace and has subordinates under him. He is originally very capable and smooth in handling things. So I'm not particularly surprised by his position, but I know his work is very busy.
I have to talk to my mother later.
"Carl and Daniel are both too good to me. I'm really being spoiled."
"Who is Daniel?"
"Uh, nothing."
Carl comes back frowning with a tray in one hand. I sit up and shake my head. He narrows his eyes in confusion. Meeting with Daniel is a secret from Carl.
"What happened between you and that guy? Recently he has been constantly murmuring Ben, Ben. It's so annoying. He especially wants to contact you."
While sighing, Carl pulls over the table beside the bed and puts the tray on it. But when he stares at me, I also stare at him. He tilts his head strangely.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. If there is any contact from him, let me know. Or, just give him my contact information."
That night, Daniel found out I had a cold and specially took a taxi to send me home. But it seems that Carl forbade him from entering my home. I vaguely remember him repeatedly apologizing at the door.
My consciousness was very blurry at that time. I must have caused him a lot of trouble.
"That guy has ulterior motives, so don't pay attention to him. Instead of this, eat quickly."
"You always treat Daniel so roughly. Why are you so mean to him?"
I say angrily. Carl shrugs and sits on the chair beside, handing the bowl on the table to me. The steaming egg congee gives off an aroma.
"I said it's nothing. That guy has bad intentions."
"What do you mean by bad intentions?"
"Don't worry about this. Eat quickly."
Carl is always ambiguous and refuses to talk about Daniel's matters. Clearly he was the one who introduced me to Daniel. At the beginning he wasn't so cold either. I really don't understand.
"Why do you have such a bad relationship?"
"We didn't get along from the start. And it's him who dislikes me."
"Did you do something at the beginning? Indeed Daniel is very clear about liking and disliking, but I don't think he is the type who would hold a grudge."
Rather than saying dislike, usually Daniel always tries his best to avoid Carl. Carl glares at me hard and then suddenly turns his head away and shuts up.
"...Next time when Daniel contacts me, you have to answer."
"Got it. That's enough about that guy. You'd better recover from your cold quickly."
"Got it."
I pout at Carl who is frowning, but being knocked on the forehead many times by him, I can only stammer.
"I've caused you trouble. Sorry."
"Seriously. Because of you, there are non-stop messages coming to my home."
"Ah, ah -, is that so. Then I'm even more sorry."
I look at Carl's opened mobile phone with a wry smile. There are messages sent by the same person arranged on it. Carl has been in a relationship with his current partner for about half a year, and I've always been a thorn in his side. Carl likes him very much, so the sense of distance between Carl and me has always been like this.
And those girls before, no matter how close Carl and I were, could clearly distinguish the definitions of friend and lover. So at the beginning I was very confused by her reaction.
"Well, but this one is quite cute too. Don't mind it."
"Well, is that so."
Carl really changes completely once in a relationship. He is casual with people he plays with, but he becomes very gentle with his lover. Or rather - in short, very sweet.
But I don't know why he can never make it last long. So this time with him is relatively long.
"...I say, is it really difficult between men?"
"What are you suddenly talking about."
Carl who is playing with the mobile phone suddenly looks up and tilts his head.
"Nothing. Just suddenly thought of it... A bit concerned."
I can't help but give a wry smile to Carl who shows a confused expression. I also don't know what's the use of asking this myself.
"Who knows. I think there isn't much difference between men and women."
"Is that so."
Just because of the difference of the other party being the opposite sex or the same sex, the feeling of liking is the same. So this is natural, right.
"Have you ever liked someone of the same sex before?"
"...I haven't, but there are also those people who like both."
"Oh. Then those people can like each other regardless of gender."
So, people who have always only liked the opposite sex can also have the possibility of liking someone of the same sex?
"Ben... You, are you confused by the fever? Aren't you bewitched by something strange?"
Carl suddenly shows a strange expression and stares at my face. I lean back.
"What is something strange?"