In the solitude of my own space, I stared blankly out of the window.
From the second-floor window, I could see the few remaining pink flowers swaying in the wind.
Although most of them were about to turn into green leaves, the soft color still brought a sense of peace to the heart.
However, at the moment, I was in no mood to appreciate this beautiful scenery. To be honest, I couldn't think about such things right now.
The noise after school reached this room in the corner of the school, seeping in through the slightly open window crack.
But for some reason, even this noise seemed annoying to me at the moment.
I rested one elbow on the table and kept spinning the pen in my right hand. I didn't know how long had passed. My mind seemed to still be in a state of short circuit.
"But, I never expected this."
A small sigh escaped along with my self-talk.
Blake's serious face flashed through my mind many times.
"How long has it been since I broke up with my last girlfriend?"
I vaguely calculated the years in my mind, feeling that my dating deviation value had dropped significantly.
I put down the pen that was no longer moving forward, and to hide my annoyance, I ruffled my hair with both hands and sighed deeply again.
"Blake... which class is he in?"
With my sluggish mind, I pulled out the one with the blue cover from the files arranged in front of me. Judging from his blue badge, he was a third-year student.
The badges of each grade were of different colors. I flipped through the pages while recalling.
"Have we had that much contact?"
I couldn't remember having been his counselor or subject teacher for his grade during the two years he was in school.
I also tried to avoid participating in various activities. Yes, recently I had been avoiding troublesome things, so I didn't think we had such frequent contact.
"Why?"
I thought about it, but only questions kept popping up.
"Ah, Group F."
I found his name in the student list and followed it with my gaze.
"Just as his appearance suggests, he is a smart kid, okay."
For students I only interacted with in the subjects I taught, in order to at least remember their characteristics, I would fill in simple information and comments in the files besides their names.
He had always been one of the top ten students in his grade. He seemed to have no particularly weak subjects, and his personality was also very smart.
"Smart and good-looking.
He should be quite popular, but kids at this age have complicated thoughts."
I remembered the expression on his face when he gave a troubled smile when I asked him this question.
He had a slender figure, giving a sense of health, neither ostentatious nor weak.
His seemingly unkempt smooth black hair, and his clear eyes with beautiful double eyelids and no impurities.
The silver-rimmed glasses on his straight nose added to his intellectual impression, making him very likable.
His manners were also very gentle, and presumably in the eyes of girls, he was the kind of person who would make them think of a prince.
In contrast, I myself - there was nothing particularly noteworthy.
Just a very ordinary person in my thirties.
My height was average. Not short, but definitely not tall, and my appearance was also ordinary.
I looked a bit younger, but not to the extent of having a baby face. Nor did I have a neutral temperament.
Well, the people in my family all had very ordinary looks.
Probably there was no such mutation as "a phoenix rising from a chicken coop".
It's just that, whether due to genetic inheritance or physical constitution, I didn't gain weight easily, which was quite fortunate.
However, although I was so ordinary and plain, I did have experiences of dating women and being liked by others.
I wasn't sure about the quality of my character, but some people said that I had an atmosphere that made people like to get close to me.
Probably they meant that I was relatively easy to talk to.
"Although I can't say I'm not good-looking, what on earth does he like about me?"
I had no idea what attracted him to me.
I didn't know when he started to like me, and what I had done during the two years Blake was in school.
Indeed, I taught the current third-year students last year and was also a subject teacher for Blake's class.
But he was very quiet in class, so I didn't have a deep impression of him.
"Really... I can't remember."
After all, why would he like an uncle who is so much older than him?
From his perspective, I definitely couldn't be considered an older brother at this age.
Does he like older people?
No, even so, a twelve-year age difference is too much. Does age really not matter?
"Should I really ask him properly? Is this what thinking means?"
In short, I knew nothing about him and had no way to think about it.
I'm sorry, but my current memory of him is only to a certain extent.
"Saying I want to understand him, but how should I do it?"
For some reason, my mind was unconsciously occupied by Blake.
It had been a long time since I had experienced such agreen feeling of being confessed to, and was it because of this that my mood became restless?
Pull yourself together - I muttered in a low voice, unable to digest this pent-up annoyance.
"Mr. Ben."
I was in a daze when suddenly the door behind me creaked and was pushed open.
The sudden sound startled me, and my shoulders jerked.
"If you don't knock, the teacher will be scared."
"Sorry, I forgot."
The room suddenly became lively, and I turned around helplessly to look at the two of them.
As expected, in front of me were the "bumpy duo" who always pushed each other with their elbows.
"Zoe, Abel. You two are still so noisy."
These two were members of the Photography Club for whom I served as a substitute advisor for a week a few months ago, and since then, they often appeared in this place for some reason.
The girl with long, black hair that reached her shoulders, big eyes, and a small face that reminded one of a little animal was Zoe.
The boy with fluffy brown curly hair, a tall and slender figure, and narrow eyes was Abel.
This pair of childhood friends was usually called the "duo".
In response to Abel's slightly sighing laughter, Zoe just shrugged.
"This is what the teacher in the office asked me to give you. You always hide in the preparation room. How about going to the office occasionally?"
Zoe strode up to me, stretched out her arm, and shoved a stack of papers clipped in a file into my arms.
"Oh, is that so. Speaking of which, today is the deadline."
I took the file that was suddenly shoved at me and realized its meaning a beat later.
I suddenly remembered the surprise test conducted throughout the school, and I was responsible for grading some of the papers.
This test at the beginning of the new semester was an annual tradition, but it always caused a chorus of groans every year.
"What's wrong, Mr. Ben? You rarely space out like this."
"Abel, what are you talking about. The teacher has always been like this, right?"
Standing next to Zoe, Abel tilted his head worriedly and waved his hand in front of me. In response, Zoe sighed helplessly.
"Hmm? It's worse than usual."
Hearing Zoe's words, Abel frowned and squatted down, peering at my face from below and making eye contact with me.
"No, I'm sorry. I was thinking about something."
I had the illusion that he was a sitting golden retriever, and I patted his head. Abel tilted his head slightly in confusion.
"Thinking about something, is it about Blake?"
Zoe muttered to herself in a low voice, and upon hearing this, the hand that I was ruffling Abel's curly hair involuntarily stopped.
"Ah?"
I let out a high-pitched sound and turned to look at Zoe, who was standing next to me at some point.
The sound of my neck turning was like that of rusty tin, making a harsh noise.