Natalia POV
All I see is darkness. I can't hear anything, but I know I am not dead. I feel no pain here, I feel nothing. It's peaceful, I can finally breathe, I can finally let go. I think I may be dreaming, but I don't normally feel like this when I have dreamed before. "Nyaxia, are you there?" I feel some panic starting to creep in because whatever is happening right now, I don't feel Nyaxia's presence. Even though I cannot feel my body, I know I must be badly injured. I don't think my father has ever gone this far before. Just thinking about what he did to me causes a sob to work its way out.
Once I let it out, I can't control what happens next. The scream I let out is heartbreaking. I screamed for the mother I never got to know. I screamed for killing her. I screamed for myself. I just want to die. I just want to be free and happy. I want my wolf. I want. I want a mate. I want a life.
"Why Moon Goddess, Why have you done this to me?"
"Am I to die like this? Am I to live in a world where I am hated, where I am shunned for something I have no control over?"
My sobs have turned into silent tears now. I know deep down this is how I will forever be. I know that I am not destined for anything other than being the pathetic-weak-bound shifter who killed the Luna. Everything is silent and peaceful. My mind is blank, for once I have no thoughts, I have no feelings. I am finally numb. I have come to the realisation that I no longer want to live. I don't want to be part of the Black Widow Pack. I don't want to be the pack's punching bag. Once those thoughts leave my mind, I feel myself start to drift. The darkness is slowly turning light but as I am heading towards it, I hear a whisper of something. It brushes past me like a caress. A voice, I think. I tried and listened, and I think I faintly made out a male's voice.
"Don't give up little one, I will find you".
****
I feel pain. I feel so much pain,. I faintly hear mumbling around me, but I can't even open my eyes. Suddenly I am hit by Nyaxia's panicked voice.
"Natalia, where are you?"
I can practically feel her pacing inside my mind bashing against the restraints of our fucking binding.
"What's wrong Ny? I am right here."
Strangely, I can feel her so much, and I am so entune with her, yet I have never seen her. I am pulled from my thoughts when something wet and cold is applied to my skin. I hear muffled voices and hushed whispers, but I can't make out who it is. I can't seem to pry my eyes open. I somehow manage to make some kind of strangled sound which alerts whoever is in my cell that I am awake.
"Shhh, don't make a sound OK? I am trying to be quick, but fuck Natalia, what did he do to you?"
I cannot even speak at the moment, my face and my mouth are blistered and, by the taste and smell, are bleeding. I get the faint waft of lilacs and I instantly feel my body relax, my best friend. Well, my only friend, Amelia. She always comes to help me, always risking her position in the pack by helping me. Her parents are Beta's, which makes her in line for the title when her parents step down. She doesn't care for titles though, she doesn't care for this pack after what they do to me.
"Natalia, I am going to inject you with a healing serum. You need it for what's to come today."
She sounded flustered and kind of cryptic. I make a hmm noise, which is the only thing I can manage at this stage, and what does she mean by what's to come? What is happening today? Better yet, what day is it and how long have I been out? I feel the slight pin prick she injects into my arm, and then I feel myself drift off into the darkness again.
When I wake up this time, I can finally open my eyes. I take in my surroundings, I am laying on my filthy mattress, but there is a bottle of water next to my head. Amelia must have left it for me. I move my arms and groan. My whole body is stiff. My joints have been in the same position for goddess knows how long.
I grab the water bottle and pull myself up into a sitting position, and that's when I feel it. The pain is gone. The blood I know was pooled around me is no longer on me and my clothes have been changed. I am wearing a dress. I don't even own a dress. I heard footsteps thudding near the entrance to the basement. I stand up and look for my slip on flats just as the door is smashed open. The door dents the wall from the impact. I averted my eyes and looked towards the floor. A pair of black polished dress shoes appeared before. I feel the penetrating gaze of my father as his eyes rake over me.
"You will not embarrass me today, you will make yourself invisible. Do you understand?"
Before I can respond, he grabs my chin in a bruising grip and pulls my face up to look at him. His sneer has me cowering and I quickly nod my head. He pushes me away with enough force to knock me over.
"Get upstairs and help the omegas. We have guests arriving shortly."
With that, he turns on his heels and leaves me shaking in the corner of my bedroom cell.
I make my way upstairs and am nearly knocked over by the frantically confused Omegas. My father never gives out proper instructions, he just assumes we are all fucking mind readers. I join in with everyone and try and help the best I can, which turns out i am just making it harder for everyone else. They don't want to talk to me, they don't even want to be in the same vicinity as me.
I look around at the place that should be my home and feel nothing. I feel numb. I make my way towards the back door but i stop as i pass the photos lining the wall. Photos of my mother laughing, photos of my father looking down at my mother with her pregnant belly. They both looked so happy they were in love and i came along and ruined it all. I look around, making sure no one notices me as I slip out the back door and run. I feel the tears in my eyes as I run. I push myself as much as I can and make my way towards the pack burial grounds. No one ever comes here and I welcome the silence. I made my way towards my mother's gravestone and sit down.
"I'm sorry mama, I am so sorry I did this to you." I sat with my head bowed, relishing the quiet.
"I can't do this any more mama, I can't live like this. The things they are doing to me, I won't survive much longer."
I am so lost in my thoughts, I don't hear the person behind me but the hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention. I can feel danger practically radiating off them. I slowly turned around and had to strain my neck to look up and up and up.
Before me stands a giant of a man. He is dressed in a black suit and, from what I can tell, it looks expensive.
"I am sorry, I didn't know anyone else was here," I said, lowering my gaze.
"Now, what's a little thing like you doing out here all alone?"
His voice sends a shiver down my spine, his voice does something to me. It's gravelly and low and rumbles with power. I realise I have yet to answer him, but he walks closer to me and crouches down. He gently places a finger under my chin and tilts my head. I met his gaze and I let out a small gasp.
His eyes were blazing red. I clear my throat and, for some reason, my body instinctively moves closer to him. I know I should be cowering, but for some reason, I am intrigued. I lower my gaze and take in his high cheekbones, crocked nose likely from having it broken so often, but somehow it fits his face perfectly. Plump full lips and chiseled jaw. His hair, which is midnight black, hangs loosely above his shoulders. His smirk shakes me from my thoughts and I move back, creating some distance between us.
"I am just visiting my mum, no one ever comes here. It's the only place I can really be myself and talk to her."
He hasn't taken his eyes off me and I know I must look like shit. I am under weight, my white blonde hair is mattered, and my body is littered with scars. I am waiting to see the disgust or the sneer come over his face but nothing happened. "Hmmm" is all he says in response.
"You don't look like the others around here, and you smell different."
That's another thing that makes people hate me. I am the luna killer, but I am also the outcast, the outcast with white blonde hair and grey eyes. Everyone else here has dark hair and dark features.
"I have to go, we are having guests arrive today. I'm not sure why, but i better be there."
I move to stand and turn away, but he grabs my wrist lightly. "Who are you?" He asks in that gravelly voice. I let out a small sigh. "I'm no one." I said as I turned and walked away.