The light filtered through my bedroom curtains as I lay awake, staring up at the ceiling. The thought had been eating away at me for days now: maybe it was time to change, to try being… friendlier. My interactions with others were always so cold, my responses clipped and direct. And I'd lost count of the times I'd been told that I had an intimidating presence, with my sharp eyes and indifferent expressions. Perhaps I could soften them, just a little.
I climbed out of bed and made my way to the mirror. For a moment, I just looked at my reflection, scrutinizing every detail of my expression, from my eyebrows to the way my lips seemed to settle naturally into a straight line. Trying to soften my gaze, I forced my lips into a smile. It wasn't much—just a small, barely-there curve—but it was a start.
"Better than nothing," I murmured to my reflection, though the smile had already faded back to my usual neutral expression.
After getting dressed, I made my way downstairs. As usual, the warmth of my family's chatter filled the kitchen, and I found myself relaxing. Unlike with others, I could be myself around them. I didn't understand why, but with my family, I didn't feel the need to build walls.
"Good morning!" my younger brother, Hiro, called out as I sat down at the table.
"Morning," I responded, my voice softer than usual. I picked up my spoon, hesitating before deciding to bring up my dilemma.
"Hey, Hiro," I started, feeling the words catch in my throat. "Do you… have any advice on how to be more, well… friendly?"
Hiro's face lit up instantly. He tilted his head, clearly intrigued. "You want to be friendlier, Rei? That's awesome! Let's see…"
He put a finger to his chin, pretending to think deeply. "Okay, it's easy! First, you've gotta smile a lot more. People feel more comfortable if you look happy, you know? And maybe talk in a gentle way—like you're really interested in them. Oh, and try to treat everyone kindly, even if they're strangers."
I tried to picture myself smiling at everyone in school, responding in some "gentle" way. The thought felt strange, almost foreign, but Hiro's enthusiasm was contagious. "Alright," I said, committing his advice to memory. "I'll try it."
On my way to school, I could feel the familiar weight of stares on me. Normally, I ignored them, but today I figured it might be worth attempting something new. I noticed a group of students ahead, their gazes darting away the moment I looked their way. Suppressing my usual indifferent look, I curved my lips into the same small smile I'd practiced in front of the mirror that morning.
But instead of returning my smile, the students' eyes went wide, and within seconds, they scattered, murmuring anxiously as they went.
"What…?" I muttered under my breath. Was I really that terrifying? Frustration simmered beneath the surface, but I forced myself to take a deep breath. Maybe I just needed more practice.
As I entered my classroom, one of my classmates greeted me with a bright, "Good morning, Reina!"
Usually, I'd respond with a nod and head straight to my seat. Today, I paused, managing a small smile and nodding in return. "Good morning," I replied, my voice unintentionally cool.
My classmate blinked, visibly taken aback. For a second, silence filled the room as people exchanged glances, and a few murmurs reached my ears.
"Did Reina-senpai just greet us back?" one of them whispered. "Maybe she's in a good mood."
I felt a small sense of satisfaction, though I knew I still had a long way to go.
During class, my usual pattern was to stay focused on my work and only speak if necessary. Occasionally, some students would ask me for help with assignments or explanations, and I'd give quick, straightforward answers. But Hiro's advice lingered in my mind, so when one of my classmates approached my desk, I took a different approach.
"Um, Reina-san, could you help me with this problem?" she asked hesitantly, holding up her notebook.
I looked at the problem, taking a moment to think. "Sure," I replied, nodding. Instead of just answering, I walked her through each step, explaining in detail. As I talked, I forced myself to soften my tone, to sound less brisk and more encouraging. I even tried to add a small smile at the end.
She looked surprised but grateful. "Wow, thank you so much, Reina-san! I finally understand it!"
"Anytime," I replied, and this time, I almost meant it.
At lunch, I surprised even myself by deciding to go to the cafeteria instead of eating alone in the lab as usual. Walking in, I scanned the room and quickly spotted Hana, Ayumi, and Kaito sitting together at a table. An empty seat beside them caught my attention.
Taking a deep breath, I approached them. "Is this seat taken?" I asked, keeping my tone as polite as possible.
They all turned, wide-eyed at the sight of me. "Reina-san, join us!" Hana exclaimed, a smile lighting up her face. "We'd love to have you!"
Settling into the chair, I tried to relax, though the buzz of conversation around us made me feel out of place. We chatted about various things, and though I didn't say much, I forced myself to stay engaged. When I did speak, it felt forced, almost mechanical, but I tried my best to join in, even if it was awkward.
Halfway through lunch, Ayumi suddenly turned to me with a curious look. "So, Reina, are you working on anything exciting in your lab these days?"
"Oh, um…" I hesitated. "I've been conducting a few experiments for my journal, mostly on star formation and galaxy mapping."
Kaito raised his eyebrows, impressed. "Wow, that sounds amazing! You'll have to explain it to us sometime."
I gave a small nod, my attempts at conversation starting to wear me out. But as lunch went on, I found myself relaxing slightly, finding comfort in their casual, friendly chatter.
After classes ended, I made my way to the lab, eager to escape the bustling hallways and return to the solitude of my work. I'd hardly settled in when I heard a familiar knock, and moments later, Himari entered, a warm smile on her face.
"Hi, Reina-san! Need any help with your work today?" she asked, as cheerful as ever.
Usually, I'd tell her there was nothing she could help with, but today I found myself hesitating. Remembering Hiro's advice, I offered a small smile and nodded. "Actually, yes. If you wouldn't mind, I could use some help finding information for my current project."
Himari's eyes widened, and she practically bounced in place with excitement. "Really? I'd love to help! What do you need?"
I handed her a list of resources and gestured to my computer. "If you could find anything related to these topics, that would be very helpful."
She gave me a mock salute, grinning as she took a seat at my desk. As she began working, I felt an odd sense of satisfaction, watching her excitement as she helped me with something I usually kept to myself. I continued my own work, glancing over occasionally as she searched and took notes.
We worked side-by-side for hours, and before I knew it, it was already four in the afternoon.
"Thank you, Himari," I said softly. "I couldn't have made this much progress without you."
She beamed, clearly pleased. "Anytime, Reina-san! It's always fun to work with you."
When I finally made it home that evening, I collapsed onto my bed, feeling utterly drained. Every interaction, every attempt at friendliness had taken more energy than I'd anticipated. My thoughts drifted back to the day's events, each awkward smile, every forced conversation. I sighed, a sense of defeat settling over me.
"Being nice… really isn't easy," I muttered to the empty room.
Maybe tomorrow I'd go back to my usual self, cold responses and all. But as exhausted as I was, there was a small part of me—just a tiny, hesitant part—that felt… proud. Perhaps I'd keep trying, at least once in a while.