ASHLEY
"It was lovely having dinner with your family again." Nicola says. I am down by her feet, trying to figure out the best length for the new bodycon line I am launching. I can't decide if it looks better sprawling behind her or barely skimming her ankles. There's a high slit by the side to give the wearer room to show off a leg and their high heels. I spring to my feet and have Nicola strike a pose for me. This decision on the length wouldn't be so hard if I didn't already have my mind cluttered with other thoughts.
"Ash, are you listening?"
"Give me a sec, Nicci" Three minutes later, I give up and return to my sketching board. Nicola sashays after me and places a hand seductively on my shoulders, kneading the kinks in them.
"Would it really hurt to ask my opinion? There was a time when we bounced ideas off each other as designer and model, a time when my opinions mattered greatly to you." She turns me around to face her and clasps her hands behind my neck. God, she is so damn beautiful. "Let me help you, Ash. It doesn't have to mean anything."
I sigh in resignation and face my board again. "It always means something to you, Nicci. However, for old times' sake, let's hear it. Ankle length or floor length?" I wheel around when Nicola fails to respond only to find her back at the center of the room in a perfect red carpet pose under the glow of the light. She pretends to be swarmed by photographers and executes different beautiful poses in under a minute. My brain jogs back to life as I take in the functionality of the dress vis a vis the style. This type of outfit will mostly be a good pick for a red or green carpet event and comfort is just as important as glamor.
"Personally, I think a little sweeping tail behind would be great since it's in vogue right now." I nod in agreement with Nicola's perspective. She's right. We make such a great team. Like she is able to read my mind, Nicola struts up to me and plants a sweet kiss on my lips.
"She doesn't love you. Anyone can see that."
I know she's talking about Demi. Smiling, I turn to finish the sketch.
"Who says I married her for love?"
"So, it's a forced marriage because of her pathetic claim?" She scoffs beside me. "I don't care what the circumstances are, Ash. I just hate to see you so unhappy. I miss you." My hand freezes on the board. "I miss us." She adds.
I whirl to face the first woman I attempted to love despite my PTSD. It wasn't the easiest decision I ever made but with mom's encouragement, I chose to give love and commitment a slim chance. It was a fucking mistake that sent me back down a very dark hole for months after our breakup. I'd never give another woman that kind of power over me, no matter how much she occupies my mind.
"I wonder what Harvey will think if he hears that." Nicola winces at the mention of the man who tore us apart. "Thank you for your input. You know I appreciate your ideas, even if I don't show it the way you hope."
"It was a mistake, Ashley. I was lost at the time. I just lost my mom and he was there."
"Yet you pegged me the cheat in the relationship to save face amidst your father's campaign. You didn't think twice about hurting my feelings after betraying my trust. You threw me under the bus to make sure your father grew in ranks. What about my family? Do you have any idea what we went through?"
It was all her fault that I was branded the flirt. Ours was a public relationship with so many people in Danvarr rooting for our union. When Nicola spread the rumor that she broke up with me because of a cheating scandal, my social image took a hit. That's the power women have. They play the innocent card so well. With a few fake tears, they can sway the public in their favor. No one cares about the man's innocence because they never expect the woman to be at fault. It grates on my nerve as I realize that I have fallen prey to the same whims of a conniving woman; Demi.
I couldn't care less what she has going on with Ashton. I never thought of having a long-term relationship with her. I couldn't do that to myself. However, she clearly has been keeping secrets from me and has the audacity to point fingers at me. I did her the courtesy of halting my one-night stands and casual flings while she adjusted to being a member of my family. Yet, she goes and proves to me that she isn't worthy of my consideration.
Now, I am done playing the nice guy. I wronged her once by scaring her in the bedroom as Ashton. However, I already apologized for that. Now, I owe her nothing more. I plan to stick religiously with our contract until she leaves and if it so happens that Asher's hunch is true, then I'll definitely make Demi's stay more traumatic than she can ever recover from. l will make her regret coming into my family and playing cruel games.
Nicola cups my face in her hands. "I'm not that selfish woman anymore. Ash, I promise to make it up to you. I'll do anything to have you back in my life."
"Have me back?"
"I can tell your marriage isn't fated to last. I'll wait for you, Ash. I know you won't spend forever with a woman like her. I don't mind warming your bed on the side till I can proudly hold your hand in public again." She pouts her lips in a manner that used to make me go weak in the knees. I force a thin smile. It's obvious she wants to use my family's goodwill to boost her father's reelection campaign. Nicci is so damn predictable.
Nevertheless, I have been bitten once and now know better than to get myself burnt again. I could use her too to get back at Demi.
"You don't mind being my booty call, huh?" My colorful choice of language hurts her pride but she lets it slide. I grab her ass and squeeze. "Don't cast aspersions on my marriage, Nicola. You don't have that right. I'll decide if I want to ditch the book seller or not. Till then, you're welcome to warm my bed as you rightly said. You know I'll warn you though. My expectations in the bedroom are steeper than you remember." Nicola swallows her pride and accepts my kiss. My lust gets the better of me but just as I heft her on top of my mahogany desk for a quickie, the jarring tone of the landline interrupts us.
Cussing, I disconnect it while Nicola struggles to unbuckle my belt.
The door swings open just then. The expletives get trapped in my throat when I turn only to come face to face with my mother.
Clearing her throat, she tacitly asks Nicola to excuse us. Nicci slides off the desk and pulls her dress in place. Blushing, she mumbles a greeting to mom before walking away. I love that she takes her time to sashay out of my office instead of scampering off like a shameful sneaky link.
"Mom, you've got to start using your cell phone. I don't like ALL surprises." I fluff out my messy hair and buckle my belt.
"And you've got to start answering your phone when I call, even the landline. I'm sorry for interrupting your little fun." She helps herself to a seat while I fetch her a cold beverage from the fridge. When I offer it to her, she politely turns it down. Shrugging, I chug the canned drink down my parched throat.
"Is that the best you could do, Ash? Go crawling back into your ex-girlfriend's arms? Have you forgotten what that woman put you through?"
"Technically, Nicci is the one crawling back into my arms, mom" I correct her. "She literally just begged to be my side piece despite my marital status." I slide into my chair with a satisfied grin on my face. "I'm not stupid. I know what I am doing."
"Do you?"
I rub away an ache in my temple. "Ok mom, why exactly are you here? What can I help you with? If this is about your precious daughter-in-law, I don't want to hear it."
Mother sighs.
"What exactly do you want from me, mom? I did as you asked. I stepped up to play her husband because YOU instructed Ash not to own up to his mistake. This is as far as I go. You know what I am like. Demi too. I think we can all breathe easily while the contract persists. I am not down to pretend to play some devoted husband to a woman who wants nothing to do with me."
"She rejected you. Is that why you're hurting and making dumb decisions like welcoming Nicci back into your life?"
"Is that what you were hoping for? That Demi and I will somehow fall in love and live happily ever after?" I can't help breaking out in a laugh. "You really did bring her into our family to straighten me up? Change me from a serial flirt to what, a loyal husband? I can't believe you mother. This isn't a hallmark movie; it's real life. Besides, what makes you think I want any of that in the first place? I never asked for your help."
"Ashley, I know about your nightmares."
I swallow hard. "Hmm, we always knew nightmares were going to be a part of my recovery journey. If anything, it just proves that I am overcoming my past. Living this way is my choice."
"No! It's a coping mechanism. You're hiding from the problem not facing it."
"I'm not Ashal, mother. I am not…" The rest of the words die in my throat. "You know what I mean." Mother says nothing in reply but continues to watch me. "I didn't sign up to give Demi a happily ever after. I respect her well enough, or at least I did. With everything that's happened, I no longer have the emotional bandwidth to tolerate her haughtiness and judgement. I won't let her look down on me any longer."
I cut off mom's protest with a flip of my hand. "Let's get out of here. I'll take you to lunch."
"Never mind." Mom replies with a thin smile. "I already had one." She pats my cheek. "I'll see you later."
I don't have time to make head or tail of the weary look in her eyes because my phone starts ringing shortly after mom leaves.
"Hey"
"Hey" Ashal replies me, his breath a little raspy.
"Are you ok? What's going on?" A sick feeling settles at the pit of my stomach. "You know what? Send me your location. I'll come see you."
"How do you do it?"
"What?" I ask, shrugging on my coat.
"How do you keep from loving women?"
"Ash, where are you?" Why wouldn't he just tell me already? He sounds frighteningly depressed and though I blot out the thought the second it flashes in my mind, I can't shake off the fact that my brother never makes good decisions from weak moments like this.
Fuck it. I'll just track the GPS on his phone. "Don't go anywhere. I'll be with you in ten."
"Don't bring the quad."
"You know I won't."
Nicola struts in just as I swipe my keys off the table.
"Off in a hurry?"
"Clearly."
My clipped tone makes her wince but I can't be bothered by her bruised feelings right now. I drive like a deranged person till I get to the Blue Cove. I have no idea why Ashal keeps coming back here every time he is in a dark place. The last time yielded enough problems for our family. Yet, I don't bring this up as Donna escorts me to Ashal. He's chosen a different, smaller room with a dark hue and tons of whiskey. Donna excuses us after I thank her and slip her an envelope for her silence.
Ashal is almost wasted.
"Ash, what's going on? Why are you trying to drown yourself in alcohol, and in the Blue Cove of all places?" He shoves my arm away when I try to hook it across his shoulder. His eyes are red-rimmed and bitter.
"This is t-the only r-reason why s-she isn't lying in a p-pool of her own b-blood right now."
"What? You're not making any sense." I grab the glass forcefully from his hand, sloshing whiskey all over his pants. Ashal laughs hysterically.
"She lied to my f-face. S-she looked me in the eye and l-lied to my face. I guess I'll n-never mean much to any woman. T-they are all liars in the end."
"Ash, you're not making much sense right now."
"I saw it." He taps drunkenly on my shoulder. "I saw the message on her phone while she slept. Demi…"
"Demi? What did she do?"
"Nothing. She did n-nothing. Olivia's been trying to communicate with Demi." He slurs. "She told Demi to come find her in the penthouse."
"What?" Now, I am alarmed. "Did Demi see the message?"
Ashal shakes his head sideways. "I deleted it before she woke up."
I wonder silently if this is the first time Olivia has done this. Could she have contacted Demi or someone else before this? What exactly is she planning by involving Demi?
"I don't want to love like this anymore." Ashal looks dejected now, close to tears even. "How do you do it, Ashley? How can you stay with a woman like Demi and turn off your emotions? How can you go through different women and be intimate with them without developing soul ties?"
My throat suddenly feels dry. I grab Ashal's glass and empty the content in my throat. "I don't have a template if that's what you're asking. You know exactly how I ended up like this."
I forgive his insensitive question because he's tipsy. I never asked to be a cold-hearted lothario. I always imagined love and a stable, long-term commitment in the form of marriage long before these concepts sickened me. Would I give up 'playing it safe' and keeping women at arms-length if I could be rid of my trauma? Absolutely. Am I willing to wear my heart on my sleeve like Ashal and desperately search for love and validation in spite of my flaws? Nope. That's where my brother and I part ways.
He is strong. While I hoist my trauma as an excuse to stomp on the hearts of women, Ashal craves a chance to love them wholeheartedly in spite of his condition.
Ashal lolls his head back and nods off. One look at all the whiskey on his table and it reminds me of that one night, five years ago, when everything went to hell at Rollins Group HQ. It's a secret that I hope never gets out as it can ruin everything my family has worked hard to build. Things have been relatively calm ever since that unfortunate night. I think about it sometimes and what my family went through because of it. We weren't entirely blameless for the loss of lives but we did what any other family would do to protect their own.
Thankfully, justice hasn't called us in five years. My phone starts ringing in my pocket just then. I accept the call.
"Yes, Demi?"