ASHLEY
I don't know how I have been feeling ever since Ashton dropped the bomb on me about Nicola being Shay. I wasn't entirely surprised by the revelation. Yet, it still hurts to confirm my suspicion. It still stings to know how selfish her love is.
I have given her everything once and it was never enough for her. She wrecked me emotionally and that's suicidal given my traumatic childhood. She defamed me publicly and left me to crawl my way out of a dank pit of misery and self-loathing.
Foolishly, I let her back into my life after years of therapy and self-branding. I blame my desperation to prove to myself that I am worthy of being loved or at least lusted after.
Nicci has been my longest relationship despite our complications. She knows me better than any other woman I have been with. I know she can be selfish but to be so selfish she didn't mind using my darkest secret against me is just heartbreaking.
