It's been a month since I ''live'' at the heroes' mansion. I'm still locked in my room with no way of escaping. They still haven't done anything to me. Safa kept bringing me food everyday. It would have been a nice vacation if it wasn't for the fact that they left me in a dungeon 7 years ago.
One day, while I was lazing in my room, the guild master came back.
- Please Mr. Jama, abandon your revenge against the heroes!
He is calling me Jama now. Did he make some research on me?
- I believe we already had this conversation, guild master.
- I …
- You know the terms! How do you want to die?
- No! I'm asking you to forgive the heroes! What they did was awful, but it was years ago!
That's not what you said before. Now, that I asked for your sacrifice, you're talking about forgiveness.
- I see this is pointless!
- No, wait! Please Jama, what I meant is that the heroes have changed! They are no longer the same people you knew! They are helping a lot of people!
- If they really changed, they would at least apologize and not lock me in this place!
- …
- If you're done licking their boots, get out!
- THE SWORD PRINCESS IS PLANNING TO DIE!
- What?
- She asked me to give you everything she owns after her death!
- Oh, that's new! But what could kill her? Weapons have no effect!
- She will kill herself!
- Don't be absurd! Why would she? Can she even kill herself?
- ARE YOU STUPID!! She regrets what she did to you and want to die to atone!
- You're the stupid one! Like I said, if she really regretted, she would have apologized at the very least!
- Please! She can give you all the money you want! You'll never have to work again! Just tell her that you forgive her!
- It would be a lie!
- IT'S NOT JUST YOUR LIFE WHICH IS AT STAKE!!!
- This is pointless! Just get out of the room.
- No …
The guild master wouldn't leave me, so I threw him out myself and closed the door. He kept banging for a few minutes before giving up.
At lunch time, it was a maid who brough me my food. Strange, I've been here for a month, and this is the first time an outsider brought me food. Something's wrong. But the food wasn't poisoned, so I let it go.
At night, after working out, I took a shower.
I came out of the bath, drying my hair with a towel when I noticed Safa putting some food on the table. When she saw me, she blushed and stormed out of the room. She ran so fast that her sword fell down.
That's strange. Safa never came into this room without my approval. She always knocked first. She would rather stand in front of the door for minutes till I let her in. Never did she get in herself.
So why did she get in this time? Did she poison the food? No, she wouldn't need to get inside to do so.
- First a maid, and then this. What's going on?
Wondering why she came in, I picked the sword off the ground. My mind went blank the moment I touched it. I wasn't a mage, but I could tell it was emitting some sort of energy. The pressure was so intense that it made me tremble in fear.
I knew it. This sword would be able to hurt Safa. My instincts were telling me so. And she dropped it in my room. Is she going to pretend that seeing me naked got her flustered and she forgot her sword. No, impossible. Safa may had had a shy personality, but she has always been able to supress it and make rational decisions. Even betraying me was for the rest to escape. She wasn't the type to easily crack.
So, if she left this sword here, that means that she wanted me to get it. But why?
(The Sword Princess is planning to die!)
I remembered my conversation with the guild master this morning. Could it be that she wants me to kill her? No, she is still stronger than me. Just because I have a weapon that can harm her doesn't mean I could defeat her.
But what if it was true? That she wants me to kill her. Could it be that she regrets and want to make amends. No, she refused to apologize.
(I CAN'T APOLOGIZE BECAUSE WHAT I DID WAS UNFORGIVABLE!)
I remembered her words clearly. But she kept me here. But she was treating me well. She was even personally bringing me food, despite having servants for that. Could it be …?
No, I'm looking too much into it. If she regretted, she would have apologized and not locked me in here.
And so, what if she regrets? She did betray me. The only way to atone would be death. So, if she wants to die, I'll gladly kill her. Yeah, next time she comes into this room, I'll strike her with her own sword.
That night, I didn't eat dinner she brough. Even though I knew they never poisoned my food, I was still afraid.
I went straight to bed. Safa never came to retrieve her sword.
The next day, when it was time for breakfast, I heard a knock at the door.
- Come in!
Safa pushed the door open and went inside. She put the plate on the table and stood beside it, like she was waiting for something. Usually, she quickly lay the plate and headed out. What are you waiting for? Well, I know what she is waiting for. No need to drag this out.
I pulled out the sword and presented it to her. Her eyes widened as she saw me take it out.
- So, you left this here last night!
- … Is this the sword you used to kill the Demon Lord?
- …
- So?
- You! (sigh) I was expecting to be already struck down. Yes, I got this sword made specially to kill me!
- Why?
- I … I did everything I could! But you still hate me! If my death is the only thing that can appease you, so be it!
Is she for real? She will let me kill her? Well, good for me! That was my goal. I was mad because I couldn't hurt her, but she got this sword just for me. How could I refuse?
- Very well!
- Huh?
I raised the sword and got ready to attack.
Upon seeing me, Safa took a step back. Her whole body started shacking. Hey, don't back down now.
But she quickly regained her composure. She closed her eyes and stood still. She is making this easy for me.
I swung the sword, aiming at the neck. I wanted to take my time torturing her, but I shouldn't push my luck. She is way stronger than me. The only reason I could kill her is because she was letting me do it.
(She is letting me kill her?)
She is standing there. Is she not going to dodge? She is really let me kill her? No, she will move at the last second.
The blade was dangerously getting closer, yet she was showing no sign of dodging. Is she really going to take it?
(NOOO!!!)
Just when the blade touches her neck, I stopped. Blood started dripping from that place.
It was real!
That sword is really able to hurt her. If I hadn't stopped, I would have beheaded her.
But why? Why did I stop? She is just right there. I could finally get my revenge. That's what I want! That's why I survived in that dungeon. That was the only thing keeping me alive. So why?
- Jama?
Safa called my name. She had opened her eyes and was looking at me, puzzled.
(She betrayed me, left me to die. I have to kill her.)
The sword, it's the sword fault! It won't let me cut her down. It is enchanted. So, I threw it away and went for a punch. Yet I stopped again a few centimetres away from her face.
I couldn't hit her. It was my own hands and I stopped.
I fell on my knees. What's wrong with me? I've waited 7 years for this moment. Why can't I do it?
- WHYYY!!??
I flet warm hands wrapping around me. Safa was hugging me. Strangely enough, it was comforting. I felt like I was melting; in her arms; in Safa's arms. In my enemy's arms.
- Why? I asked.
I hugged her back. I didn't know why, I just felt like it.
She didn't reply. Maybe she didn't know the answer herself. She just squeezed tightly, not wanting to let me go. That's ok, I didn't want to leave anyway. I just wanted to stay like that.
...
When I opened my eyes, I was in my bed. I took a moment to appreciate the white ceiling. When was the last time since I slept this well? I can't remember. Well, it doesn't matter.
I pulled off the blanket and saw Safa sleeping beside me. I got scared for a minute but noticed she was still dressed.
(Phew! We didn't do anything!)
I no longer want to kill her, but it doesn't mean I wanted to sleep with her. I didn't even want to be friend with her.
I got off the bed and sat at the table. I haven't eating since yesterday lunch. I was starving. Last night dinner and today breakfast were here, so I helped myself.
- Jama?
- Oh, you're awake!
- Huh, oh yes!
She glanced at the food on the table.
- You're hungry too?
- Huh? No, no! I'm … this is the first time I actually see you eat my cooking! I'm happy!
- That much?
- Yeah! She replied as she sat in front of me.
I resumed my meal, and she watched me the whole time. She had a strange expression on her face. One I couldn't understand.
Once I was done, she spoke.
- Hum, Jama, about this morning …
- Don't worry! I no longer want to kill you!
- Really?
- Yeah! Funny, isn't it? 7 years of training and still not strong enough. Given the chance, and still couldn't do it. Pathetic to the end.
- NOT AT ALL! She yelled in front of the table.
- Huh?
- The only one pathetic here is me! I was supposed to be the leader! Yet I failed miserably. You were the one keeping the party together.
- You don't need to sweet-talk me!
- I'm serious! You were the common friend. We were all slowly drifting apart. Shaq, Terek, Jio and I, we were all doing living on our own. When you disappeared, we were left alone. I remember eating ice dream alone in my room.
- Seriously?
- Yes! Even Shaq was depressed!
- Ha! So, you're telling me you regretted leaving me?
- Huh? Wait, I …, I mean wasn't it obvious?
- Not really!
She stood there, with a puzzled face. Wait, don't tell me she hadn't realise what she did? Do I need to spill it out for her?
- All you did was kidnapping me and locking me here.
- That's … I was afraid you'd run away without listening first!
- Listening to what? You said you wouldn't apologize, remember?
- Could you really forgive me if I had apologized?
- That's not the problem! You betrayed me years ago, and now you locked me in this room! What made you think I'll take that as ways to make amends?
- I …
Safa wanted to say something, but no words came out of her mouth. So, she really thought that by locking me here long enough, I would forget what happened? Is there even a word to describe that level of stupidity?
She sat back on the chair and stayed silent for a few minutes.
- Wait here!
She then stormed out of the room.
''Wait here'' as if I could go anywhere. I lay on bed, remembering Safa expression.
I took pity on her, the one who betrayed me. What's wrong with me? All I have done till now are for nothing. I'm just a pathetic man pretending to be some cool dark avenger.
I was lamenting my fate when the door opened again. The 4 heroes came in and stood in front of the bed. They bowed they heads as I sat up and Safa talked.
- Jama, we are truly sorry for what we have done to you!
- Huh?
- Not just for leaving you in the dungeon, but for also kidnaping you!
- …
- We are not asking you to forgive us! In fact, I prevented Jio for apologizing the first day we brought you here!
I noticed Jio's body shook a little.
- Why?
- Shaq and I thought that you would hate us more if we simply apologized. We wanted to show you that we changed first.
- …
- But that was just an excuse! I was just selfish! I'm missed you so much that I wanted to keep you here. I was afraid you'd run away. I couldn't bear being separated a second time!
- You really are stupid, Safa! - I know! I was doing what I wanted without taking into account your feelings.
- What about the others?
- The others?
- I know you left me to save the others. But what were they thinking.
After my words, the room fell into an awkward atmosphere. They were all looking embarrassed, not knowing what to reply. After a few second, Shaq finally broke the silence.
- Honestly, I was relieved to leave you there!
- Really?
- And what made you change your mind?
- You know how I was a Saint! Nobody would dare talk back to me. Even at the church, they were all doing what I wanted. I was feeling like a king. That's why I hated you when you dared talked back at me. But after that day, I realised that nobody was really caring about me. They were only interested in my healing magic. Their obedience was just a way to get it.
- And that made you regret?
- You didn't care about my status. You were treating me like a normal … a normal … friend.
He was struggling to say the last part. That's funny!
- Whoa! Wasn't expecting that! What about you Jio?
- Me? I … I honestly don't know what I was thinking back there. I was scared, and since leader and Shaq wanted to leave you there, I went along.
- It's true that you never had a personality on your own!
- Yes! I was following what the others were doing. But they wanted nothing to do with me. Leader was always working, Shaq was staying at the church and Terek was chasing women. It was infuriating and I took it on you. Sorry!
- I knew that already!
- What?
- What I'm asking is what came afterwards. What changed?
- I … I'm afraid nothing changed. I'm still the same as before!
- That's not true! Safa butted in. It was Jio who got us closer after you. She brought Shaq back home and convinced Terek to stop chasing girls. We would have all drifted apart if not for her.
- No, that's not …
- Don't sell yourself short Jio!
- Jio did that?
- Yes! She took over you! Cooking, cleaning. When I told her I like ice cream, she brought me some, every night. She made me come home just to eat it.
- I remember the day she straight up put me in a magic bubble and brought me home so we can eat dinner together. Shaq added.
I couldn't believe it. Jio forced Shaq. She wouldn't do anything to piss him off before. Well, Shaq did call me a friend. So, I guess it's true, they changed.
- So, what about Terek?
I could say that I hated Terek more than the others because he was a hypocrite. He acted friendly with me but did not hesitate to leave me there.
- I just wanted to survive!
- That's all?
- Yes!
- …
- …
- Terek! Safa called his name.
- (sigh) I didn't hate you, but it's not like I was liking you. For me you were just another friend. And you need to be nice to friends. However, in that dungeon I was scared. As a tank, I was expecting to be left to cover the retreat. I was relieved when leader choose you, so I didn't say anything not to make her change her mind. It was sad to see a friend die, but I was happy it wasn't me.
- And after?
- I regretted it of course. In fact, I was already sorry when we left the dungeon. But what does it matter? Even the leader was thinking about the whole party when she made her decision. I … I just wanted to survive.
Despite how big he is, Terek is mentally fragile. The real reason for what he was chasing women was to get a wife who will take care of him. He wanted someone special by his side. But still.
- So, if you could go back in time, what would you do?
- What's the point? I could never go back in time. I can't change what I did back there. All there is left is to leave with that guilt.
I was expecting him to say he'd do things differently. But that'd be a hypocrite answer. He can't go back in time. You just say those words to appease someone. But he didn't say that. Instead, he recognized the stupidity of this statement and accepted he guilt. Can I still call him hypocrite?
Having listened to everyone, I could understand them a little more. Seemed they really regretted they actions. They did become heroes but were still haunted by what they had done. However …
- I get it! Can I leave this place now?
- Jama? Safa called my name with a sad expression on her face.
- I get it you're sorry and all, but I need to go out!
- Can't you stay here? We can take care of you!
- No!
My reply made them freeze in fear.
- I did not forgive you. It just that I no longer want to kill you.
- Ah!
- Even if you regret, that will never change the fact that you did leave me there after all! Something can't never be forgotten!
Silence fell upon the room. After a few minutes, Safa broke it.
- I understand! However, even if it's selfish, even if I knowI have no right to ask, can you come back to the party.
- I can't!
- I won't force you to stay here! I need to respect your decision. But if by miracle, one day you forgive us, know that I'll be waiting!
Selfish to the end. At least, she is letting me go.
I left the mansion the very same day. I had no baggage or anything, no need to delay. They walked me to the front door. Before leaving, I saw Safa sad expression. Despite the years, she still looks like the like girl I used to protect. I didn't know I could still see her that way. All was in my mind was the cold stare she gave me from the other side of the ice wall. I don't know what to think anymore.
In the streets, I met the guild master.
- Jama, thank you for sparring the heroes!
- You're making it sound like I had them at my mercy.
- You did! The Sword Princess was ready to give her life.
- Ha, well good for you that she did not.
- Yeah! But also, for you.
- What?
- No, nothing!
- …
- So, what are you plans from now on? I heard you refused to join the hero's party.
- I'll take the test for rank S and keep working as adventurer.
- Oh, I can write a recommendation letter for you!
- Well, thanks! I'm going home for today!
I left the guild master and returned home.