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***
13 June, 2013. 16:00
The streets of Queens.
Peter Parker.
What a weird thing to do, shopping for women's clothes on your own. I bet if Raj had travelled with me, he would have made a sex shop joke for sure.
Still, it was done. So I went home cheerful and, with a sense of accomplishment, whistled a cheerful tune to the music playing in my headphones.
The beeping bass was interrupted by the ringtone of my Samsung.
- Pay attention," I answered the call.
- Hello, Tiger, am I interrupting you? - came the voice of my red-haired angel.
- Not a bit, my fox. You know I have all the time in the world for you.
- You're such a romantic, Peter," the sound of this girl's sweet, cheerful laughter was true music to my ears. - Why am I calling, I'll be out early tonight, how about Fey buys some wine, I order a pizza and we have a film night?
- Sounds great, love. I've just got an important topic of conversation.
- Great! So I'll see you tonight?
- Till tonight. Love you, Carrot-top.
- Love you too, Tiger.
I hung up the phone and threw the shopping bag from one hand to the other. What a nice day.
It's not until I get home that I remember I promised Matt I'd be at the warehouse by eight.
Holy crap!
Well, hopefully I'll have all this shit sorted out by ten. And reschedule for six.
I walk into the house and into the living room. May and Delia are peacefully drinking tea.
- Lovely ladies, I see you're all right, don't you?
- Oh, dear, you're quick," my aunt greeted me. - It's true, your sister and I had a very nice chat.
Delia glowed even brighter at the mention of her sister. I guess the conversation really did help.
- I'm glad," I turned my head to the brown-haired girl, "I've brought some presents, sis, you can run upstairs and try them on.
- Oh, what is it, a dress? - Delhi flew up with bright eyes and snatched the bag from my hands," thank you, thank you! - hugging me summarily, the girl ran upstairs.
- Yeah, what a reaction.
- Delia is very overexcited," May said with a smile.
- Talking, I trust, helped?
- I can only hope that she is relieved and that your sister will stop reacting so negatively to the question of her origins.
I'm looking back at the stairs.
- Can you repeat your magic with others?
- It's not magic, darling, you know it's just care and love.
- The truest magic," I smile. - I'm embarrassed to address you, but I haven't decided where I'm going to put Delia....
- Of course your sister can stay in your former bedroom, and while Anna is in Boston, the house is completely vacant.
- Thank you, Auntie.
There was the sound of footsteps on the stairs.
- How do I look?
Del began twirling around in a light summer floral dress that harmonised very well with her long, silky brown hair.
- 'You're gorgeous, sweetheart,' May said for us.
- It looks great on you, sis," I step closer and put my hand on the shade girl's shoulder, "mind if I pick up an old friend?
The symbiote flows smoothly over my arm.
"Welcome back, brother. How do you like the Female Bearer?"
"Quite refined, Peter," the Clintarian makes his judgement.
"That's about the answer I was expecting," I chuckle.
- All right, children, I need to get the room ready, while you stay and talk.
Aunt May went to the first floor.
- Listen, Del," I scratch the back of my head awkwardly, "you don't mind staying here for a while, do you?
- Not at all, Peter," the girl looks around the room nostalgically, "it's nice to be back home.
- Oh, yeah," I said, smiling slightly. - One more thing, I'm going to be busy this evening, important business. Can you check on the guys in the lab?
- Um...sure, but won't that be a problem?
- Nah, I'll give you the codes, you fly in the suit and pretend to be Spider-Man's sister. Actually, that's not a lie.
- Just like that?
- Why do you have to make it so complicated? It's official, you're my sister, and the guys will be my brothers. There are other ways, but this is the most logical.
- There's gonna be a lot of loose ends.
- Yes, which I intend to solve at least with your official submission using false documents. Of course, the same Fury can trace my machinations, but hey, no matter how this story looks the clone option is even less believable.
- Not until we all dress up in costumes and start weaving webs," the shaten frowned.
- I'm not forcing anyone, Delia. I just need help at the moment, I can't be in more than one place at a time. You may never wear the costume afterwards.
The girl sighs.
- Well, I guess fate has given you the ability to be in two places at once, huh?
We laugh at the flat and uncomplicated joke, lightening the mood a little.
- I'll do it, Pete.
- Thanks, sis," I walk over and kiss Delia on the forehead. - I've got to go, things to do.
- Sure, brother, be careful.
- Always.
I'm leaving the house.
I walk to where I plan to suit up and dial Matt's number.
- I'm listening.
- Hello again, ninja, comfortable talking? - I get to the back alley.
- I think I can analyse the testimony of the guy who's about to be evicted and your incessant chatter.
- That's nice, I'm crawling up the wall. - Any luck contacting the other Defenders?
- Unfortunately, no," Murdock sighed heavily. - Luke and Fist are unavailable, and Jess told us to handle it ourselves and only call if it's worth it.
- Simply put, Pearl sent us," I jumped up on the roof and started taking off my civilian clothes, "Nice.
- Yeah. Any idea why Strongman and Iron Fist aren't in contact?
- I have a couple of guesses," I stick the bundle of clothes to the brickwork and put on my mask, "but in the end, we're on our own, Horny?
- Yeah, Spidey, we're on our own.
I jump down and let out a web.
- Do you think we could get an early start, like an hour?
- You in a hurry?
- On a date.
- You're not kidding me?
- You think I don't date?
- I didn't think you attracted women, with your sense of humour.
- Who says I'm on a date with a woman?
Daredevil choked on the other end of the line.
- Really?
- Boom, you got me! How do you like my sense of humour now?
- Well, you're a clown," I could clearly hear the smile in Daredevil's voice. - Okay, I'll be there in an hour.
- Copy that, ginger," I interrupt the call.
***
Hell's Kitchen Warehouse.
Greens 4.
An hour and a half later.
The Hell's Kitchen Defender landed on the surface of the metal container without making any noise at all.
- You're late, Red.
Daredevil turned and looked at his fellow vocation colleague, and most frequent partner, Spider-Man.
- Sorry, Wallbreaker, got held up at work.
Spidey jumped off the wall of a nearby container.
- I know it happens.
The Guardian Devil came to the edge.
- Did you see anything here?
- Nothing weird," Spider stood next to him. - I've set the Spiderbots to search and they'll let me know if there are any uninvited guests, but for now I suggest checking that huge and not suspicious warehouse by the river.
- You read my mind.
Spider shot a web and Daredevil a cable from his baton and the heroes together began to approach the warehouse.
- Is there a plan? - Clarifies the Hell's Kitchen hero as soon as they landed on the roof.
- How about this idea, I come down from the ceiling and you come in through the main entrance like a stiff?
- Really?
- Why? There's no one around, plus if it's a trap, no one's exactly expecting a turn like this.
Red sighs.
- Let's try to work this crazy scenario that only a lazy person would call a plan.
To his partner's grumbling, Peter only made an "Okay" sign.
Murdoch jumped down and Spider walked over to the glass covering the window.
"Just like old times."
"Carrier?"
"Just remembering, Raj."
The spider pushed back the ceiling covering and began to climb down headfirst on the webbing.
At this time a door creak announced the arrival of Daredevil in the building.
- Anything? - Clarified the Guardian Devil to his partner.
- My gut isn't calm. What does your radar say?
- Three heartbeats, outside the gate, - DD pointed to the metal fence of the additional room.
The warehouse was indeed large.
- Only three? - The spider jumped off the web and followed Matt, who started moving towards the gate.
- I'm surprised myself," Murdock touched the metal handle, but turned to Spider before opening the door.
- What?" Peter looked at his partner perplexed. - Is there something on my face?
- Your suit, it's changed, hasn't it?
- I've improved it a bit.
- 'Right,' Matt looked away, 'felt some unfamiliar electrical signatures, just checking.
- Whatever you say, old man.
The blind warrior kicked the door with his foot and the heroes rushed inside.
There were three people in the room, a man in a black suit, shouting, tried to snatch a bazooka from the hands of another guy in a red-and-black outfit, but he resisted and put his boot in the face of his swearing accomplice. To the side of them stood a girl in a red uniform that looked like ninja Ruki's clothes, putting her palm to her face.
But as soon as Spidey and Daredevil burst into the room, the amusing scene was replaced by dead silence.
- Is this a bad time? - broke the awkward silence that had arisen.
- Darling, it's not what you think! - exclaimed the mercenary in the stocking mask.
- What? - Spider was about to make a joke, but he stopped talking.
Sense clicked in his head.
Daredevil noticed that his partner seemed to twitch from something, and his heartbeat increased noticeably.
- No fucking way! Not you! Bitch, why!?!? - The web thrower raised his head and looked up. - You're testing me, aren't you?! Why the fuck did I run into fucking Deadpool?!
Matt was even taken aback by Stenolaz's reaction and stared at his friend in shock.
- Oh, you heard about me? - The Chatty Mercenary folded his hands and rested them on his cheek. - That's cute. I guessed you were a fan, right, Spidey? I knew you copied the costume from me," Wilson took a quick look at his object of adoration, "and now you've added black, we're almost twins.
Deadpool's tone made Pete shudder.
- That's enough! - Swordsman seized the moment and took the bazooka for himself. - We didn't expect the glorious heroes to arrive so early, nor did we expect all the so-called Defenders, but you're a good place to start.
The improvised speech of the never-missing assassin seemed to bring back the fighting spirit. Elektra pulled out her sai and looked intently at Daredevil, and Matt returned the favour.
Swordsman slung the bazooka on his shoulder and fired.
- 'Off to the side,' Peter threw a warning to his partner and fired a double strike web towards the missile.
The web collided with the projectile.
There was an explosion that separated Spider and his partner.
The battle had begun.
At one end of the warehouse, Daredevil began a deadly dance with the mercenary trained Hand.
Nachios attacked her former lover, trying to push her feelings as deep as possible and not give away their past connection in any way in front of Matt.
- Who are you? - To the mercenary's delight, the Hell's Kitchen hero asked a side question, fending off a lunge with a sai. - The weapons that should be in this warehouse, are you guarding them?
- No," the Greek tried to keep her voice cool and calm, "we are those weapons.
Electra took Murdoch's leg kick on the block and hoped that today she would be able to maintain her planned cover.
In the meantime, Swordsman dropped the useless pipe and ran to the rest of the crates of weapons.
In another part of the warehouse, passions of their own were heating up.
- You know, I know this might sound weird, but would you mind leaving me your autograph? You know, if you survive? - Deadpool began to speak, attacking the spider with two katanas, which Stenolaz evaded in a dodge.
"Raj, stay alert, in a battle with this fucker, events can take absolutely any turn."
Warning his partner, Peter decided to engage in a duel that would be far more difficult than any battle. And you try talking Deadpool out of it.
- Each autograph is thirty quid, man, but if you give me your Japanese knives, we'll settle for fifteen," Spider-Man shot out a web and snatched the cold weapon from the mercenary's hands.
- There was no way Spider-Man was going to ask for money for autographs! - Wade snatched his digil from its holster and fired, -You plagiarist!
- I am not! - Pete replied, dodging bullets. - I've just become more enterprising.
Another shot from the throwers littered the muzzle of the gun.
- Really? - the mercenary tucked the gun away and put his hand in his pouch. - How's that for enterprise, ta-da!" Wilson showed the bomb in his hand, which was coloured in the manner of his mask. - Catch it, spider man!
- At least you didn't call me a bug," Parker jumped away from the grenades and gave himself a little acceleration with his boots. - I'll take this one," he shot the web again and pulled the katanas of his opponent to him.
- Hey, give it back! - Deadpool jabbed his finger accusingly in the direction of Spidey, spinning his swords. - Firstly, Candice and Carrie can only be groped by me, even if your fingers are good with those oblong hilts. And secondly, you think the author just gave me a weapon with an adamantium blade for no reason?
- What?" Spider let the sallowness pass his ears and stopped unravelling the weapon.
Is he really going to start right now....
- Yes! I may be an unkillable regenerating sex machine, but against tough guys like you or Luke Cage, you need something other than guns or regular steel swords. So I opened my magic pouch and pulled out the right weapon.
"This man's completely fucked, isn't he, Bearer?" - Raj clarified with interest and slight bewilderment.
"Absolutely, brother, he's absolutely fucked."
At this point, Swordmaster began to analyse the situation. Elektra and Daredevil had entered the fray. They were about at the same level of fitness and Lester couldn't say with certainty who would come out of the fight victorious. He could have come to the rescue of his unwilling partner, however.
The never-missing assassin turned his head.
From the looks of things, Deadpool was doing drastically worse. Spider-Man had disarmed the mercenary with unprecedented professionalism. Twice. He took Wilson's katanas and dodged his grenades. And at this moment, out of nothing but desperation, the babbling idiot is trying to talk the enemy down.
The choice is made. He can help Elektra and then attack the Spider, but in this case they will attack a completely fresh enemy and it is not sure that they will be able to defeat him, in contrast, he will help Wilson to fight the Spider and maybe, if Elektra is not a useless puppet, they will not even have to deal with Daredevil.
Meanwhile, Deadpool continued to spout his verbal diarrhoea.
- I'll tell you more than that, Spidey," Wade put his palm mysteriously to his mouth, but instead of whispering cryptically, he continued in the same loud voice. - The reality around us isn't real. It's real to us, but in other dimensions, all the events that happen to me, to you, to everyone, are fiction, text on paper! We're in a comic book, mate!
- You won't believe this, Wade," Peter made the same gesture as Wilson, "I know!
"Bearer, are you okay?" - Raj was extremely embarrassed that his host was having a completely serious conversation with this psycho.
"Totally fine mate, just playing along," Parker replied with a slight smile in his voice.
While Deadpool hovered a bit at Spidey's response, Parker reacted to the ringing of the Sense and managed to move his body out of the knife's flight path.
Though it wasn't a given that he could have done Spidey even the slightest bit of serious damage.
- It's not very polite to interrupt conversations, man," Stenolaz said, knocking back another throwing knife with his katana.
- What can we do if this moron can't handle a pesky insect on his own?" Swordsman armed himself with two daggers and ran towards the Spider.
However, then something happened that neither opponent expected. Deadpool grabbed a second digil from his holster, ran up to Spidey and began shooting at Swordsman.
Lester had to scramble back to a concrete pillar.
- It's rude to interrupt the conversation between two gentlemen! - Wade muttered.
- What the fuck are you doing, Wilson!
Deadpool continued firing, however, and turned half-turned to Spider, saluting him with his other hand.
- What are your orders, Commander?
- Um..." Pete was confused by what had happened, but decided it was a sin not to take advantage of the situation, "knock out Swordsman.
- Jawohl, Mein Fuhrer," Wade quipped foolishly.
- Damn the day I agreed to work with that mouthy fucker! - Shouted Swordman, rechecking his knives.
- 'I prefer the Regenerating Degenerate!
"What's wrong with this man, Bearer?" - Raj couldn't believe what he was seeing.
"Believe me, there are many who have asked that question, and everyone has their own theory."
"Who knows what's going on in his cancer-stricken brain?" - Thought Parker, reconfiguring his web shooters.
At this time Wilson lunged with his fists against the man armed with knives without fear in his eyes.
- Are you fucking nuts?! I'll cut you to pieces!
- You never heard of me, have you?
Wade grabbed the knife blade hard and ripped the weapon out of Lester's hands, severing several of his fingers in the process.
- Oopsie-doopsie! Ah, whatever," the mercenary threw the knife in his other hand, "they'll grow back.
- You're a psycho," Swordsman said seriously, "there's a reason Kingpin didn't trust you.
- As if I cared what that piece of lard thinks," Deadpool snorted and lunged at his opponent.
The mercenaries fenced with daggers for a while, but Swordsman, for all his bloodthirstiness, skill and experience, didn't have what it took to warn him of an attack from behind.
Spidey leapt into the air, and once behind Swordman, set his throwers to a sonic boom. The resulting wave hit Lester and knocked him back several metres, tearing his rather sturdy suit on his back and exposing his body armour.
Deciding only to intensify his onslaught, the hero in the improved suit fired a shock net. One of the shells glued the assassin's leg to the floor, and Lester managed to dodge the second one.
Wilson wasted no time and, approaching the Swordsman, drove a knife under his rib. The mercenary groaned in pain.
- A shiv in the kidney, motherfucker! - shouted Deadpool in a cheerful voice.
- You're dead, Wilson! - Lester growled angrily.
Spider decided it was time to end this mess and, setting up his electric web, fired two charged strands at his opponent.
The swordsman was pierced by a powerful shock charge and the mercenary lost consciousness.
- Well done, Commander," Wade raised his palm.
Parker thought for a few seconds and kicked back a spot.
- I agree, Wade.
- All right, I'll talk to you later, your mate needs help.
Spider only nodded in response.
Meanwhile, the battle between Daredevil and Elektra was beginning to show its effects: the area was in shambles, the Hell's Kitchen Devil's costume was torn in some places, and Murdoch's body was showing shallow cuts. The mercenary herself looked no better, fresh bruises and haematomas beginning to show on the beautiful body of the trained assassin. Both opponents began to gradually run out of steam, forcing their rivals to respectfully assess each other's skills.
The next moment, Spider landed between Elektra and Daredevil, releasing his metal manipulator paws threateningly towards the girl.
- Swordsman is out of the picture and Deadpool has decided to change sides, you're outnumbered. Don't make me ruin such a pretty face, pretty girl.
The brunette looked around and saw only Wilson waving sweetly at her with a brush with a few severed fingers.
- Looks like there's no choice," the girl held up her hands. - You can relax, Spider, I'm on your side.
- Oh yeah, and I'm Marilyn Monroe," Wade muttered, stepping closer.
- No, she's not lying," Daredevil muttered as Peter surveyed his injuries. - I can hear the steady pounding of her heartbeat, it's worth listening to.
Parker only nodded in response.
- 'Okay, let's talk,' Spider pulled the mechanisms back into his rucksack. - I understand you were hired by Kingpin?
- That's right," Nachios nodded.
- Handsome, and also smart, well I'm out," Wilson replied in his own manner.
Pete struggled to keep his composure.
- I was planning to infiltrate Fisk's Syndicate," she turned to Matt, "he contacted the Hand and Stick ordered me to find out everything I could from the inside.
Murdoch visibly perked up at the mercenary's words.
- How do you know Stick? And what do you know of the Hand?
- The old man trained me, too. And about the Hand," Nacios gave a quick glance at the guys in the red-and-black suits, "shall we discuss it in private?
Matt turned to Spider.
- Do you mind?
- Do what you want, DD. I don't mind.
Daredevil only nodded gratefully and took Elektra to the other end of the warehouse.
- Is it just me, or do these two reek of history? - Wade pointed at the Hell's Kitchen hero and his companion in turn.
- There's definitely something there," Peter said thoughtfully.
There was silence for a moment, but it couldn't last long when Deadpool and Spider-Man were in dialogue.
- You know, I recently got a laptop out of my bag that had some very interesting artwork on it," Wilson put his hands behind his back, "can you imagine there are a couple of realities where my alternate versions are fucking your alternate female counterparts?
- I'm aware of that," Pete replied nonchalantly, "and I'm also aware of at least two realities where my alternate versions are fucking your alternate female counterparts.
- Touché," Deadpool nodded respectfully at the response. - But the most thrilling is the endless stream of our gay variations.
- That's why the realities in which our alternatives are both female and promote pink love are so valuable," Spider raised his palm, "lesbian porn is valued in all worlds.
- I agree, little brother," Deadpool batted back a heel. - Funny, usually people would call for me to shut up as soon as I mentioned alternate dimensions.
- Oh, believe me, a lot of people around me hate it when I spew my verbal drivel at them, too.
- Geniuses are often rejected by society," Deadpool sighed.
- You're telling me," Spidey duplicated the sigh.
Meanwhile, Daredevil and Elektra returned from their discussion.
- 'We talked,' Matt began, 'and decided on a course of action.
- I'm all ears," Parker spread his arms out to the sides, "broadcast.
- Fisk will be furious after the defeat, but I think if I can get back and report that Daredevil is injured, it will win me some points," the brunette began.
- Swordsman might have to be let go," Murdoch pursed his lips.
- Are you serious? - Spider stared shocked at his partner. - You know he's a maniac and a murderer who takes pleasure in brutal massacres of people, don't you?
- You know, the problem could solve itself if we just wait quietly for about thirty minutes until Mr Target bleeds to death," Deadpool suggested.
- Absolutely not," Daredevil shook his head negatively, "he's a criminal and a maniac, so he should go to prison as soon as he's exhausted his usefulness.
Spidey, on the other hand, remained silent, thinking seriously. After the story with the Jackal, Peter began to look at a radical solution to the problem much more easily. But he agreed with Matt about the exhaustion of usefulness.
- As you wish, - Wade shrugged lightly in response to the rejection of his idea.
- Also," the Greek continued, "we'll have to tell Ambal that Deadpool betrayed us at the most crucial moment, to redirect all his anger.
- No problem," Wilson nodded calmly.
- Are you sure, Wade? Willy can be quite vindictive," Spider clarified to the mercenary.
- It's nice of you to worry about me, handsome, but I don't need to. I'll rest far away from America, - the mercenary in the red-black suit put his hands behind his head, - they say Brazil is beautiful this time of year.
- Daredevil said, "I'll help Elektra carry Swordsman to the right place and dress his wounds.
Matt turned to his partner.
- Thanks again for responding," the man held out his palm.
- And what else are friends for," he shook the outstretched limb.
- One last thing! - Wilson raised his hand when everyone was thinking of starting to disperse.
- Yes?" the brunette said.
- My katanas, please," the mercenary held out his hand toward Spider.
- I don't know, - Stenolaz ran his palm over the hilt of the swords he had attached to the magnetic surface of his backpack, - I kind of won them fairly in the fight, it's a trophy. Besides, you said they were adamantium, right?
- Sure," Wade mumbled, his lip puckering in a way that looked funny from behind his mask.
- I'll take the katanas, and in return I'll give you my autograph and treat you to a chimichangas sometime in the future, when you're done chasing Kingpin," Parker tried to bargain, "what do you say?
Wilson fell silent and looked at Spider with a long, hard stare. But Pete was unfazed.
- 'Okay,' Deadpool shrugged lightly after a few minutes and pulled a paper and pen out of his pouch.
Spidey left his autograph for the mercenary.
- Oh yeah!" Wade jumped up and down victoriously. - He's going to be worth millions someday, I'll have to post that," Wilson continued in a sadder tone, "Take care of the girls.
- I'll take care of them as if they were my own.
What now, it is.
Deadpool started backing towards the warehouse exit.
- Candice and Carrie love a good polish.
- Got it.
- And also," Wade sobbed, "don't forget to use them to vent your guts on assholes from time to time.
- Um, sure.
- One last piece of advice," Wilson said from the doorway to the exit. - Disinfect the handles, you don't want to know where they've been. - The chatty mercenary left the warehouse.
Peter abruptly took his hand away from his katana.
"Raj, urgently, absorb the cloth before it's absorbed into your skin!"
"No-no-no, Bearer, I don't want anything to do with anything that lunatic touched at all."