He gritted his teeth and pondered his situation, but after a few minutes that felt like eternities, Boor had calmed down again and looked at the paper that had been there all along. It was optional whether you filled it out or not.
on the piece of paper with the text "What did I do wrong"
and
"How do I see myself in the future"
just below. He clicked his pen, but didn't intend to write anything, instead he drew scribbles on the paper.
"What did I do wrong"
'I didn't do anything wrong! I wasn't well rested and just wanted to sleep and if my mother cared for me then she wouldn't have snitched on me and I wouldn't be a problem for anyone!'
"How do I see myself in the future"
'…'
Boor imagined versions of himself in the future. Overreacted versions that would never be in reality. 'Me in the future?'
He rested his cheek on his palm and thought.
Boor repeated this thought but did not come to a point or result.
Boor didn't think about his future often, almost never. He rubbed the back of his pen against his teeth.
"How do I see myself in the future"
'What would I do in the future.'
'What is my future?'
'I would be different'
'No! I will never change! I don't want to!'
'I'm too laughable. I want to be cooler. I want to have a lot of friends and good grades'
'I have a sufficient number of friends anyway and if others don't like me the way I am, they should piss off!'
'I hate my friends. I hope you are no longer seen in my future. Garbage!'
Boor's thoughts went back and forth until he thought of the future of others. Two classmates who are always glued together.
'They're best friends'
'I have friends, but are they really my best friends? They are good friends, they are always with me but they often laugh at me when I am vulnerable or sensitive'
He puffed his cheeks
'But that's how our friendship is,' he sighed at the thought and stretched out his arms on the table.
'Maybe the other two classmates are like that because they're girls.'
He continued to scribble on the paper with his pen, and with no choice he was propelled to think about how he would see himself in his future.
He swam in nonsensical thoughts until his thoughts moved from the theorized future to his past of things that have already happened. Maybe it was important to think about them, because he could at least find out how it could affect his future or why the things that are happening now are happening.
If you know Boor well, you probably know that such thoughts only trigger negative things and he has to shake them away. He quickly scratched his fingers through his poofy Pale Ash Brown Hair and crumpled the paper.
The principal, who heard him crumple the paper, looked back at him and said, "It would be great if you had thought about it"
Boor snapped "Oh please!"
and took a deep breath.
'As if I hadn't thought enough!'
Principal: "You know. I would start worrying like that sooner"
Boor: "That's why you have gray hair now"
The principal, not pleased, cleared his throat and remembered himself that Boor was just a child compared to him.
He tried to say it as calmly as possible, but his angry impatience pierced through his voice.
"I would at least… try to be satisfied with myself and my life"
Boor wanted to speak back, but remained silent. He looked dejected on the floor. His eyes were wide open, with a mixture of bitterness and despondency.
The principal continued, "I would.. I would want to be someone, especially if I were so young, want to be someone I like. Someone I can rely on"
He sighed as he decided in his head that it would be useless to explain it to this child, because this child wouldn't understand it.
What the headmaster did not know was that this child really thought of himself at the moment that the headmaster had said 'can rely on'.
Not that Boor could rely on himself. Not in the way that the principal meant it, but in the way others would rely on someone.
Who would have to rely on Boor but someone younger that he was? someone who was close to him…. or should have been.
Boor often confused fear and respect. Boor taught someone respect by frightening him. Someone who should be able to rely on him was now always trembling as Boor passed by and didn't express himself about his problems.
Obviously, this someone was Ivan. Boor's little brother.
The scene when Boor just wanted to get closer to him and Ivan instinctively tried to protect himself played through his head more than expected.
'Is Ivan changing?'
…
'Will I continue to be such a brother?'
'brother' almost sounded a bit strange to him.
To call yourself that…
The sentence on the paper could be heard aloud in his head without showing itself.
"How do I see myself in the future?"
The principal was now in front of the table and tapped on his computer.
He had really thought about it for a long time.
He hadn't even noticed that the principal went to his table and sat down.
He took the crumpled paper and opened it.
"What did I do wrong"
"How do I see myself in the future"
Boor: "…. sigh"
{Ding!}
When Boor heard his cell phone ring, he hurriedly grabbed it in front of him.
He had been waiting for a message for a long time, especially from Jibbblecat. His online friend.
'Has Jibbblecat finally responded?'
He pressed on his messages, which were piled up on top of each other.
But no, it was a message from Boon.
He groaned when he remembered that he still had to escape from him.
He felt foolish that he thought that his online friend had texted back, he couldn't write more because then he would have written too often and Jibbblecat would think he was too clingy or just give a small reaction to his messages.
He sighed and opened WhatsApp.
|(237) 660-9063|
<[ Hello???]
<[ ??? ]
————————— new messages ————————
<[ I think you forgot to reply ]
seen just now
[ I didn't forget ]>