The glow of the screen dimmed as I logged out of Tale Tale Fantasy and stretched, feeling the fatigue seep into my muscles. The clock on my desk glowed 2 AM, and the exhaustion was finally catching up with me. My room, a chaotic mess of textbooks, empty soda cans, and the clutter of a college student barely holding things together, mirrored the state of my life—a tangle of responsibilities that I couldn't quite manage.
I stared at the pile of unfinished essays stacked haphazardly on my desk. They were a stark reminder of the real-world obligations I'd been ignoring. My excitement from the game slowly faded, replaced by a creeping sense of dread. Morning classes were a decision I regretted more every day, and I wanted to punch myself for thinking I could handle them on top of everything else.
Dragging my backpack closer, I sifted through the notes and textbooks for my upcoming exam. Real Numbers wasn't just difficult; it was an uphill battle, and I was already losing. I didn't have enough money for a retake, so this was my last shot. Failure wasn't an option, but as I stared at the equations, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was doomed to fail.
"Alright, brain, let's do this," I muttered, though my voice lacked conviction. The looming fear of failure gnawed at me, and a wave of hopelessness washed over me.
I forced myself to focus, but my mind kept wandering back to the game. The thrill of battle, the time spent with ShadowStalker, and the encouraging messages from my viewers—they were so much more fulfilling than these pointless equations. I clenched my fists, pushing the thoughts away. This test wasn't going to study for itself.
Time slipped away in a haze of frustration and half-hearted attempts at understanding the material. Before I knew it, the sun was beginning to rise. I was out of time and out of energy, but I wasn't sure if I had absorbed anything useful.
I made some instant coffee, hoping it would jolt me awake, and took a cold shower to shake off the weariness. I was pretty used to pulling all-nighters, but this one felt particularly punishing. Maybe I should've slept for a couple of hours, but I knew myself well enough to know that if I did, I'd probably sleep through the exam entirely.
By the time I reached campus, the brisk morning air was the only thing keeping me from collapsing. My body ached for rest, but I pushed through, sitting in the crowded lecture hall, pretending to listen as the professor droned on about the importance of academic integrity.
The exam... well, let's just say it wasn't great. I couldn't afford to think too hard about it. But I was probably going to pass. Probably.
With an hour to kill before my next class, I found myself in the cafeteria, surrounded by friends who seemed to have it all figured out. One had just landed a prestigious internship; another was acing exams this whole semester, and yet another was deep into a groundbreaking research project. They were building their futures, one impressive accomplishment at a time.
Meanwhile, I was spending my nights fighting virtual monsters. What the hell was I doing?
"Hey, Jacob!" Sarah called out, waving me over. "How's it going?"
I forced a smile and joined them. "Hey, surviving. How about you?"
"Same here!" she laughed. "But seriously, how's the streaming going? I saw you were online last night. Late again?"
"You bet," I admitted, trying to keep the mood light. "It's going pretty well, actually. Gained a few new followers and had some epic battles."
"That's awesome! Don't forget about us when you're famous!" she teased, giggling.
"I won't even know who you are~!" I joked back, but the laughter felt hollow.
As the conversation shifted back to academic achievements, I felt the familiar pang of insecurity creeping in. My friends were out there crushing it, making strides toward real careers while I was barely keeping my head above water. The disparity stung, and I couldn't help but feel like I was falling further and further behind.
The rest of the day passed in a blur of lectures and half-hearted study sessions. By the time I got home, I was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. My friends were moving forward, and I was stuck, clinging to streaming as some sort of lifeline. But was it really? Or was it just another way for me to avoid facing reality?
I threw my backpack onto my bed and flopped down beside it, staring at the ceiling. "What am I even doing?" I muttered, the weight of my insecurities pressing down on me like a lead blanket. "What the fuck... am I doing...?"
As I lay there, my phone buzzed with a notification. I picked it up, hoping for a distraction. It was from Tale Tale Fantasy. My heart skipped a beat as I opened it.
>>New Message from ShadowStalker
For a moment, curiosity and excitement overpowered the self-doubt gnawing at me. I logged into the game and checked my messages. ShadowStalker's message was brief but intriguing.
>>ShadowStalker: Hey SIRANCHA, got a new quest that might interest you. Up for another adventure, at 10PM server time?
Three hours to go. I stared at the message, feeling a small spark of excitement. Maybe this was what I needed—a distraction, an escape from the gnawing insecurities that plagued my every waking moment.