Shanguan Zu Jin's POV
I look at them with an emotionless expression. Li Jin and Pei Qin sighed and poured alcohol into our cup.
"Can you stop giving us that scary reaction, your highness? You will scare the hell out of us," Pei Qin says. Li Jin nods.
"I agree with you, Pei Qin. Why are you being cold to her highness? You want her to be a good and kind empress, right? I think she's trying to be one," Li Jin says. If they only knew the truth…? I raise my head.
'Did her highness—I mean, Li Susu—tell them about her secret or not? Should I ask them if they knew about it?'
I drink my wine in one shot. I look at them. "Did Empress Wu Jinmai... I mean, did she confess something to the two of you?" I ask. They look at each other.
"Like what, your highness? She asks—I mean, she asks about the task she gave us. She didn't ask anything beyond that. Is there a problem, emperor consort?" Pei Qin asks.
I shake my head. I thought she would also tell me about her claims. I didn't doubt anymore when she danced weirdly.
I never saw a performance like what she showed me. The biggest proof was her actions these past few weeks.
Wu Jinmai will never do such things. I wonder if she saw me as the most important pawn in her game.
"The empress changes a lot after what we do. I was really surprised that we're not dead at this moment," Li Jin murmurs, pouring the wine into his cup.
I poured wine into my cup as well and took a sip. "We killed her that night because of what she did to the Zhang, Wei, and Yang families. I'm still being hunted by it, but suddenly, we're back in these positions, and she's using us. It's strange and frustrating at the same time," Pei Qin remarked.
"What do you think of the Emperor Consort, Shanguan Zu Jin? Is she trying to push us to the edge until we lose our sanity?" Li Jin asks. I drink my wine and look at the two of them. I wish I could tell them, but at the same time...
'This is strange. I don't want them to know the truth. We succeeded in killing Wu Jinmai, but a woman named Li Susu was using the empress's body. What a shame…'
"I don't know. We have no choice but to follow her commands. It's for the Xia citizens anyway," I mumble.
They both nodded. We drink ten jars of alcohol, and we're drunk. Li Jin and Pei Qin went back to their quarters.
I went out when I saw how heavy the snowfall was. I walked around and looked at the walls. I've been trapped in the inner palace for more than three years.
I was a puppet, someone that the tyrant Empress wanted to torture, mock, and belittle. I've tasted hell because of Empress Wu Jinmai.
I stopped when I realized that I was in the garden of this tall pagoda. The empress only had access to this place.
If she's bored, she can bring you here and wants you to be her toy. If she wants to be entertained because she's bored, I walked on the bridge to get a closer look. I scoff.
"What am I going to do now?" I whispered.
I take a deep breath and crouch down. I sat down and leaned back. I raise my hand and catch the snow.
"I don't even know who I am. What do I really need to do?" I murmured. I closed my eyes.
I embrace my knees and lean my face on them. I wish I'd die and freeze until the sun shines on this place. I've been suffering. I'm really tired.
Time passed. I'm covered with snow and soaked. I'm freezing, but I care less about it until someone taps my shoulder and head.
I think my servants were searching for me, and one of them found me. Wait a second…
'This scent! This is familiar!'
"Oh my! You're covered with snow! What are you doing here anyway?! Look at you! My gosh!" she screams.
Her eyes were looking at me with a worried face. She sticks the umbrella on her fur coat. She used both of her hands and washed away the snow that covered me.
"Li Susu..." I whispered.
"Uhm. It's me," she replied. She grabs something inside her sleeve. It's a handkerchief.
"Why are you here and sulking like this, huh? You'll freeze to death! I'm glad I was wondering around to get familiar with the surroundings. Oh my! You're already pale!" she says.
She's panicking. She rubs her hands and intertwines our fingers. Her warm palm soothes my cold hands. Susu raised my hands and placed them on her warm neck.
"A'Zu, don't do this again, okay?" she mumbles.
I don't know if the alcohol was making my head dizzy or if it was because of how she cares for me. I shake my head.
"Are you dizzy? Hey, what's wrong? Answer me, A'Zu!"
I didn't answer her. I feel like I'm floating. I feel it when she takes off my coat. A warm fabric embraced me.
I blink several times and realize that she took off her coat and put it on me. She let go of my hands and rubbed them again. She held my face after.
"Get a hold of yourself. I'll bring you back to my quarters. Mine is the closest to yours," she whispers.
I raise my palm and place it on the back of her palm. I looked at her reaction. My eyes dilated.
'Her cheeks turn red. Is she blushing?'
"It's really warm, Susu." I know I'm trembling and losing my strength already.
"Oh my! Shanguan Zu Jin, you're having hypothermia. What should I do? Come on! Let's get inside the pagoda. I will warm you there!" she exclaims.
She placed my hand on her shoulder and wrapped her hand around my body. We stood up. I tried not to be a burden, but I'm really weak. She starts walking toward the pagoda.
The imperial guard saw us. "Guard the pagoda properly, and no one is allowed to enter," she calmly instructed.
The guard was surprised at how calm her tone was. They let us in. She tried her best to help me as we walked up the stairs.
My vision might be blurry, but I can hear how heavy her breathing was. She's having a hard time trying to help me. I tried to stand and walk on my own whenever I had the strength.
"We're here."
The next thing I felt was the soft and warm bed. She takes off my shoes and coat, then positions me in bed. Li Susu tucked the quilt around my body.
"I will boil some water and wipe you with it. Bear with me, okay? You can't die and leave me alone, A'Zu!" she roars.
I raised my palm and tried to find her face. I felt nauseous, and my head was spinning. She held my hand and rubbed her palm on it.
"Li Susu… why?" I mumbled.
My vision gets better, and I see how her tears fall from those worried eyes that are looking at me.
"Stay with me!"