I don't think I can go on. Life has become meaningless. My mornings are a personal bed for daydreams about death and nights plaqued with nightmares of the same; a neverending cycle of just constant disappointment and longing. Like a guinea pig stupidly running in the wheel of life that seemingly gets me nowhere. The only escape is to destroy the wheel. To destroy this life. Death will become my salvation.

The letter magnified through the tear drop and I hastily wiped my eyes. I was not prepared for what was to come.

On 20th July, Kang Taehyun will find his salvation.

My breath hitched. It couldn't be- It shouldn't be real. It just can't. My hands worked faster than my frozen mind as they searched for my phone. An involuntary sigh of relief left my lips; 15th July.

Yes, it shouldn't be real but my mind had long accepted that it was. Maybe it was because the events of Taehyun's life were displayed for the whole world to see, a testament that the manuscript wasn't lying or maybe it was; the lines between lies and truth were so dangerously blurred- I couldn't help but believe all of it.

Kang Taehyun, in other words – Perfection.

There was his perfect job as the CEO of Kang Corporation from the tender age of 18, his perfect body that was nothing short of handsome and his perfect personality; smart and kind, charismatic but down to earth and so very lovable. Maybe the right word would be – flawless. No doubt, Taehyun had everyone swept off their feet, living out their fantasies vicariously through him.

Now, there was a crack in the glass. A crack so minute yet so damn impactful, a crack only I know or atleast I think I know.

As a Teaching Assistant in Seoul University of Literature, I had read one too many sentimental pieces and had seen just as many authors who had incorporated some events of their lives, a glimpse into their lives scattered in the manuscripts yet they were all fictional. At the end of the day, none of it was real, none of it until now. Until I read 'Salvation' by Kang Taehyun which made me wonder; was I even meant to read this?

"Beomgyu!!"

I flinched.

"What are you spacing out for? Is it that good?" Soobin asked as he leaned in a little to peek at the manuscript that was a little crumpled around my hand and I consciously loosened my grip before hiding it back in the stack of other manuscripts.

"What do you want?" I asked. Soobin looked at my suspicious actions but didn't question them.

"We're going drinking!" he announced. "And I'm not taking 'no' for an answer"

My mouth opened and closed like a fish.

"You've been cooped up in there writing god knows how many reports. You need to loosen up and what's the best way than beer!"

"Alright. Beer it is!!" I cheered. I did need to loosen up- Loosen up from the 'Salvation' that had its hands choking my neck.

I had drunk maybe 3 cans or was it more? I don't know. I've just been downing beer after beer. I'm not drunk, just a little tipsy or maybe not.

Why am I imagining Kang Taehyun walking in the bar right now? That can't be.

I frowned.

I shouldn't be surprised though. He always comes. He always has.

"Taehyun! Over here!!" Someone shouted.

I wish I could bash that someone right now but all I could do was down another can and try to ignore the hand that seems to gradually tighten around my neck, again.

My grip tightened around the can and I promptly held it up but instead of it touching my lips, another hand pushed it right back on the table and held it there.

"You've already drunk so much. No more drinks for you now" Soobin said sternly.

"Oh come on…" I whined, trying to shrug off the hand that held mine and finally stopped after one too many failed attempts. "Ugh" My head lolled from one side to another.

My mind was hazy but not hazy enough and before I knew it, I was drowning in those black balls of abyss. An ambiguous smile stretched on Taehyun's lips or was it friendly? I couldn't help but want to read more into it.

"Beomgyu!"

I jolted and looked at Soobin.

"What's wrong with you today?" Soobin frowned. He wasn't nearly as drunk as me.

"Um, when are we…leaving?" My speech slurred a little, just a little.

"After a while, I guess. You can sleep if you want, I'll take you home" He said, pushing myself against his shoulder. I snuggled a little against his chest, smiling at finding a comfortable position.

My eyes flitted towards Taehyun and in those seconds I saw perhaps anger that vanished so fast, leaving behind just an illusion. I wasn't imagining it.

Time passed and I didn't dare let my eyes wander anymore. By the time we had to leave, I was considerably sober.

"Today was fun" I grinned.

"I sure hope so" Soobin commented as we supported each other.

Just when I thought that the night was over, Kang Taehyun invaded my sight.

"Hyung, I actually submitted the wrong manuscript" he said, taking out another manuscript from his bag. "I'm so sorry, its late but can I exchange it now" he asked, a hint of desperation in his tone.

So, I wasn't meant to read that.

"Can't you do it tomorrow? I don't think he's sober enough for that" Soobin replied instead.

"Talk for yourself, I can hold my liquor" I snickered.

"Of course you can" he quipped back. I smacked him hard on the shoulder.

"Ow, you never let go of a chance to hit me, do you?" he whined, rubbing his shoulder and promptly hitting me right back. 

"Never" I giggled.

"Hyung" Taehyun spoke, his voice clearer. I glanced at him only to find no traces of a friendly smile that he carried everywhere he went. It felt wrong.

"Ah yes. Yes, I can. Just give it to me, I'll go and replace it. You can get your other manuscript tomorrow" I suggested, holding out my hand.

"No, I'll go with you. You're still drunk" he replied.

"I'm alright" I replied. His lips straightened to a thin line before stretching wide up into a friendly smile.

"Something might happen, hyung" The skin around his eyes crinkled.

"Ok" I replied quietly.

"You should go then" I said to Soobin.

"Text me when you reach home" he replied, untangling himself from me.

"You too"

Soobin nodded and turned towards Taehyun.

"You. Take him home safely" He said, pointing his index finger at him and then turned around to leave without waiting for a reply.

For a while we just walked in silence. Seconds passed by, minutes passed by and it was becoming harder and harder to ignore the awkward air wrapping snugly around us. Or maybe it was just me. I couldn't tell because Taehyun was always a step ahead of me.

Maybe it was better this way. It gave me the courage to voice my concerns. More than the liquid courage.

"Are you okay?" I finally said it. The night was silent-encouraging, a sign to just go for it.

Taehyun's steps halted and his movement stilled for a moment, just for a moment before he picked up his pace. He did not turn back, not once.

I was being ignored…Or maybe not. 

"I'm alright, hyung" A sharp voice cut through the air, not so quiet as mine, not so unconfident as mine and not so hesitant as mine. I would've believed if only I hadn't read those words.

"Are you really though?" I asked back, my voice clearer, louder.

This time Taehyun did turn back. My breath hitched. He didn't say anything. He just stood there, staring at me as if contemplating something. Contemplating on what lie to tell, probably.

"Did you read it?"

I was taken aback. My eyes widened in surprise and for a few minutes I couldn't speak a word.

"Not the! Not the whole thing. Just a little. Yeah, just a little. It just- it just seemed sad and uh- personal so I stopped reading after a page" I finished, settling on telling a lie. My intuition told me not to say otherwise. "I was just worried!" I said in a panic, anything to get that intense stare away from me.

"I'm alright, hyung. It was all in the past. I'm fine now" Taehyun replied, a bright smile plastered on his lips. It gave me a whiplash.

I couldn't question him further if I didn't want to give away my lie so early but something told me, he had already caught on. As for why he must be acting oblivious, I couldn't understand. In any case, it was just a gut feeling.

Fortunately, our conversation had come to halt as I stared at the staircase, wearily. In other words, the best way to trip and die.

A hand slipped around my waist as I supported my hand around Taehyun's shoulder. The deathly staircase was more my concern right now. Dying because I couldn't control my noodle legs after being plastered, knowing damn well of a lightweight I am, was just too damn embarrassing.

An uncharacteristic sigh left my lips just as I stepped off the last stair. I tried to shake off Taehyun's hand but his hand didn't budge. I frowned; I had always been particularly averse to physical contact.

"You can let go" I said.

The hand didn't budge.

Perhaps he hadn't listened.

"You can let go" I said, a little louder this time.

"Hyung, the room's here" Taehyun said abruptly and I become aware of the door in front of us. When did we reach here?

I felt around my pockets. Weird. I did put my keys in one of these pockets.

Just then I felt a bulge in my right pocket but my happiness soon turned to frustration when my hand couldn't reach inside my pocket.

"Sorry…One minute" I said, feeling guilty.

A warm sensation invaded my cold hand ever so slightly. I flinched and pulled my hand back. Yet, the sensation only persisted on my right front pocket.

The hand around my waist had not left until now…when?

Cologne crowded my nose. Too close. He was too close. I couldn't understand what to avoid; the hand digging inside my pocket or the body leaning onto me. It felt too much but it didn't feel disgusting. Comforting, even. Weird.

The warmth only lingered for a moment when I become conscious of the keys jingling and soon the unlocking of the door followed.

I walked towards my desk that wasn't exactly hard to locate with the conspicuous messy pile of manuscripts and books and some unfinished coffee? Suddenly, I was aware of the dull ache forming in the back of my head.

God, my head fucking hurts!

I groaned, bending down slowly despite my weak waist to search through the manuscripts. Is this how old people feel? Am I becoming old already?! Shit! I need to fucking exercise!! My waist, accustomed to sitting all day long and all year long was not it. I nodded sideways to myself in disapproval.

"This is not it Beomgyu. This is not it...

"Hyung?"

"One!-One minute"

I stopped nodding. My cheeks felt hot from embarrassment or maybe my skin was being sensitive as usual.

The scent become too strong again. I jerked front, face down on the stack of papers and groaned before pulling back up. Taehyun was caressing my head. I could feel his fingers running along the soft strands and I instinctually grabbed his hand to pull it off.

Well, I tried. It didn't feel uncomfortable and so I let it be and only worked my hands faster through the papers.

"You can take your time" A voice drawled out.

You shouldn't say that, Taehyun or I'll really just drop dead here.

I yawned again, forcing to keep my eyes open when familiar bunch of papers invaded my sight and I cheered to myself.

"Here" I said, standing right back up, a little too fast and I was falling. My eyelids shut down and I prepared for a fall that never came. Instead, two hands wrapped around me and a broad chest supported my back.

Damn, wasn't this too cliché?

"Sorry" I balanced myself, turning to face him.

"It's alright" He replied, taking the manuscript off my hands and putting another one on random stack.

He locked the door and slid the keys back into pocket, I could only frown in discomfort. My frown only deepening at the stairway of death.

The next minute we're already on the ground floor. The next time I blink, I'm already getting inside a car.

I have to tell my address…Shit I'm so sleepy. The pillow is quite comfortable though. I curled up on the seat, a sigh of satisfaction leaving my lips as my vision entirely blackens.