It's been years since our grandparents passed away. My brother Jun focused all his care on me and I tried my best to return the favor. I am now in junior high. My brother is now working in a corporate office. I don't understand much of what he does there but he is always in front of the computer.
When I see him getting overworked, I try to revert his attention to me by saying sweet things and asking him to help me with groceries or something. It's not that I'm complaining but he has closed off himself for other people. It's just me all along. That's why I'm very careful when it comes to him getting hurt when it comes to me.
I still remember when Grandpa died, everybody and everything was extremely sad. I can see that they are trying their best to cheer me up when I am around but I can still feel that all of them are sad, especially Grandma. Not long after she followed Grandpa, this time it was worse, I was close to Grandma very much. I'm not sure what to do back then I just listened to Kuya Jun with all of his instructions and just went with it.
The next thing I know, we are in front of our grandparent's columbarium. I can hear everybody weeping again except Kuya Jun, I can see him crying where tears get released from his eyes but no sounds, it's so sad that I don't realize that I'm crying myself too.
Then I felt somebody holding my hand, it was Max, he's been with me all through it. It's been years after that but Max is still with me.
"Chuna! Chuna… have you heard that the JaMin couple is over?"
"For Max, love life is the most important thing in the world"
"Can you stop… It's their life and decision to break up, it's not us who go on dates with them" Max continued his gossip
"It's not that is the juiciest part you know… I heard the guy Minmin cheated on our girl Jastine, that's why they broke up"
"Now that's interesting… I knew it the way he looked at Courtney was suspicious"
"Courtney, accommodated him?" Max squinted his eyes like he had something to say
"I knew you were listening, what's with this Courtney? That I do not know. You need to learn to share these things, that's how gossip works" Max sat on my desk when he used a bundle of paper to fan his face.
"Sigh, I just don't want to get in their way. Plus, it's all just speculation. I'm not sure about any of it"
I can see a little bit of Max's chest as he exerts energy to make wind with the bundle of papers in his hand and fan away in front of me. Some of the wind reaches my face. I inhaled a little bit
"I really like how he smells. Always so fresh and clean" Then he looked my way, looking so attractive and manly until he talked about gossip
"So, get on with it, what's with Courtney and Minmin?" I sighed loud enough to make him see my disappointment
"I just saw them in the back corner… Here look" My seat is beside the window and we are on the second floor facing the back of the school. The view is somewhat isolated and anyone can talk privately down there.
I touched Max's collar and pulled him near my face. I got startled a little by what I did for his face was too near to mine, I just could smell him better that way. He touched my hand and used another hand to hold onto my desk so as not to lose balance. He looked me straight into my eyes.
"Well, what is it? Where do I look"
"Oh! Yeah" I turned my face out of the window and Max followed where I looked
"It's down there, I saw them a couple of times talking in private down there" Max backed off
"So that's why" Max tapped my shoulder that he was already holding on to, not too hard just a teasing action
"Why didn't you tell me all about it before? I should have seen it coming" Then the teacher came into our room, Max jumped off my desk and took off fast.
This time we're not classmates but he's just next door. I see him run off still holding that bundle of papers with a swaying motion of his hips.
"I already knew Max was gay, I thought it would change as we grew up but it just got worse. Especially, when his mother gave him a talk that it's okay whatever he is just learn to communicate when somebody bullies him"
As I remember, nobody had the chance to bully him really,
"I am more prone to that bullying" Max has a strong personality and a good reputation in our environment, he's known to be very generous and helpful
"Generous and helpful my ass, he only does that when a boy he likes asks for something"
After class I texted him,
"Are you free this afternoon? Do you think you can come with me and surprise my brother with his new job? It's just one train station away" After I sent it, just a few moments passed, and a beep came from my phone.
"Sure, I got you girl" I just smiled
"He's always there for me" I looked at my right palm.
"I can still feel the way he squeezed my hand when I tried to control my tears in front of my grandparents' columbarium" Yes, Max was with me that time, He was with us a lot of time back then. He witnessed most of the highlights in my life. But even with how close we are there is one thing that I can't tell him
"How the hell can I even tell him? He considers me as his best friend, I can never pass as his lover in any way. I'm not his type. I know his type" I know everything about him too, I can tell immediately if he likes a guy or a girl. It's just the way he is. But he can never look at me the way I look at him.
"He's not naïve, I just do my best not to let him know. He's busy with life anyway"