Another grade went by and I am now in my 3rd grade. Kids are starting to see that I'm not normal, they never see my parents and I started getting dropped by a car and picked up by the same car at the end of the day. I am always well-groomed and I started to stop longing for friends or attention. I just go to school, do my homework, go back home, eat, ask if my parents called, and then go to bed. It's not that I feel greater to my classmates but that's what they think of me. I just feel that I don't belong in there or anywhere.
Then one day a boy entered our class, the teacher was carrying his bag as they entered the classroom, I looked at him
"He looked so shy but very pretty, well-groomed uniform, with cute pinkish lips and messy hair, he just looks sweet and I think, I could just smell him like a baby that's just got out of the bath" He looked back at me, and we just caught ourselves that we're staring at each other. With his shy personality, he looked down at the floor and I just looked out the window.
The days just gone by and I just continue my days at school. I see the pretty kid's development; he started playing with people. And I just remember that like I was just watching him grow up.
One time on my way to the classroom I saw him running through the corridor I just thought to myself
"Please be careful" and just then he stumbled upon nothingness, I saw that our eyes met, he was carrying his books and it just flew, I could still remember that it looked like he was slipping so ever slowly.
I was about to reach out to him but of course, it's imminent. I reached out, then before I knew it. I somewhat closed my eyes; I was kneeling beside him. Then a book that got thrown up, fell on top of his head. I heard a bump! He was holding his head groaning a bit.
I held his hand over his head, he opened his one eye first like peeking at my worried face.
"I can't help to be worried" It just happened so fast. And when I asked
"Are you okay?" He just simply smiled and giggled while scratching his head. I lightened up my furrowed brows and sighed a bit I put down his hands and searched for the place on his head where the book fell and it just looked clean and I pressed it slightly
"Ugh!" He reacted, I said
"Is it too painful?" He stood up and reached for my hand, pulled me up as well
"I'm fine…" he said and smiled to say
"…Thank you" I took back the hand he was holding and just said
"I think, you should go to the nurse's office and let your head be checked, I think it will bruise" He just nodded and picked up his books.
The year went by, we just got back to being normal people that don't talk to each other much. He just smiles at me sometimes and waves for a hi, I'm not sure but I think I never smiled back at him. I sometimes see myself looking at him, and in those times, I see that he sometimes looks at me back. I never thought much about it but I thought
"Maybe we could be friends if I'm just not being me" I just stayed very studious, quiet, and alone throughout elementary if I could remember.
Sometimes, we have our times as well, when teachers make us fall inline in the hallway before we get inside. I could feel him suspiciously line up behind me, he just couldn't stop giggling. I never think much, all kids my age are usually that stubborn, and too playful but I think he intentionally touches me, saying
"Sorry Jun, somebody keeps pushing me from behind" with that smile so wide.
Nothing too serious happened, just ordinary days with projects, sometimes I still see him looking my way. We're now in 5th grade. We're still classmates but everyone knows that I am not that talkative. But he invites me from time to time to come to his house or some classmate's house. He became more outgoing especially when he joined the track and field team, but still, in my mind, his face still looks as soft as an innocent child and smells like baby powder when I get the chance to smell him unintentionally. He just trains once or twice a week. Sometimes, I can see him from my seat as I look out of the window, seeing him all sweaty and so playful.
The day came that my life started to change also the day when my secret friend
"I really consider him as my only friend in that place, but it's just me who knew that" I just never engage in meaningful or even nonsense conversation.
We are about to go our separate ways; my memories were blurry but I just thought I saw him look my way when Dad came to my school and he just took me away. All I could remember was that I should go with him, obediently. Because he's my dad and I haven't seen him for a very long time. Then that day when I got home with Dad. I just saw Nanny Deanna, have red and puffy eyes, I know that she has just cried but before I could ask her, she just knelt down to meet my height and said
"Always be careful and listen to your elders out there. Take care"
Then I saw a suitcase at her side and I looked at Dad and I just knew; I'd be out of there.
"I haven't even had the chance to say goodbye to little baby powder" I was 12 at that time when things happened. I have no control over it, I just remembered getting dragged from place to place. It was even then my first time riding a plane. And there it is, for the first time I saw my parents in one place, together, together with me
"…like a family" but it was my grandma's funeral on my father's side, and that was the only time I saw a lot of my family side,
"I didn't realize I have aunts and uncles" The funeral went on for a week, and we've been staying in my grandparents' house, where we have our own rooms.
"Even my mom and dad have their own room. Maybe they had a fight"
"That's what my classmate said before when his parents had a fight, his mom stayed in his room and his dad slept in the other room." The other families stayed at a nearby guest house. grandpa hugs me every time he sees me, but my parents talk and greet me casually. I didn't know how to act around them as well. So, I just wait for them to come to me
"…but why would they? I'm just their son"